Mindfulness

[Twoapenny]

DD18 helped with housework yesterday, but put my computer where I couldn't find it.  She was so helpful, and so nice when I asked for it... .just bringing it, and presenting it like.... I'm not sure like what.  But it was a change.  Very nice.

I set my alarms for 4:30am and 6:30am and it WENT OFF AT 5:30am!!  I was supposed to carry a neighbor around the corner to her place of work at 4:30.  She RANG, and I didn't hear it.  I don't know what's going on.  My first thought was the universe is messing with me.  How can an alarm go off at a time it';s not set for, and NOT go off at a time it IS set for?  I might have had the volume turned down from carting heavy luggage last night, but that doesn't explain why it went off when it wasn't set to go off.  I'm upset wondering if the elderly neighbor fell down, bc she's not answering her phone, or texts, or door as I knocked at 5:20 and haven't heard a peep from her.  I can't sleep.

OK.  She texted she took an Uber and is fine.   I feel better now.

Argh, tech glitches, Lighter, they are such random and bizarre things!  All my gadgets seem to have minds of their own and do stuff just to mess me about, I think   I'm glad your neighbour was able to get a cab, though, she starts work very early!  Very good of you to get up at that time to take her xx

[lighter]

It was such a little favor, Tupp.  A 5 minute drive.  It should have been easy, but I'll accept tech glitch. 

The universe being against me was a knee jerk 5am thing.  It felt uiam.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

It was such a little favor, Tupp.  A 5 minute drive.  It should have been easy, but I'll accept tech glitch. 

The universe being against me was a knee jerk 5am thing.  It felt uiam.

Lighter

It's often little favours that mean the most   Me and tech just don't get along; there just seems to be so much that's overly complicated and unnecessary for what I want to do.  Have just been trying to set up son's IPAD for college, honestly like learning a new language!  Lol, he will probably know better than me what to do anyway xx

[lighter]

Hi, Tupp. 

I wasn't raised with tech.  I was raised to play out of doors, explore nature, and entertain myself. 

My children have always had access to computers.  I'm sure it's changed their brains.  I'm guessing not always for the better. '

I was thinking about you today, and how difficult it is to change patterns, particularly when we've learned patterns through painful circumstances..... the most effective motivator.   I experience more and more freedom lately, and it FEELs like relief, being released, escaping.  I notice when I don't go round and round with old thoughts.  I feel compassion for myself.  It makes me sad that I lived that way for so many years.  I lost so many opportunities, and years.  I notice, then I do something new.

Yesterday was a wonderful day.  I cooked gallons and gallons of soup for brother, and relatives with health issues, then went to Parkinson's Boxing class.  There was only one student, and 3 of us there to help, so the instructor held the pads for the volunteers.  It was great.  I worked out to fail over and over, and had huge energy the rest of the day, into the night. 

Today I woke up, had a good day, then my back went out when discussing a frustrating topic that brings much stress.  It's better now, but.... the mind body connection is HUGE for me, and there's still a burning in my lower back,  though I'm moving around better than I was.  I was flat on my back for 2 hours... or stiffly walking around, trying not to bend.  Yesterday I was hitting hard, kicking hard, pulling weeds, jumping rope like a boss, and there was zero physical fallout.  ONE difficult conversations, and out goes my back.  That's nuts. 

I can tell I have more emotional resilience, but there's such a long way to go.  I'll give myself a silver star for noticing what's what, and not judging it.  The journey continues.

How are you?

Lighter

[lighter]

I've been babying my back, and notice it's feeling normal again this morning, which is good, bc I've been doing balances using a low bed, instead of my massage table.... this means I've been leaning over people precariously, and straining muscles. 

I'm very pleased my back is doing well.  I associate this with emotional stuff.  Definitely emotional.

The boxing class was cancelled yesterday, bc instructor had the flu.  If I volunteer 3 times a week I get really happy, high energy work outs AND learn more about the Parkinson's program.  My one frustration is that the clients flail at the heavy bag when throwing "hooks."  I worry about their shoulders.  Also, their jabs, crosses, and uppercuts aren't really j, c, or ucuts.  They're just more flailing, but with less strain on their shoulders. 

If we can pull back heavy bag time, train proper punches, one at a time, then move on to the next, that would be complete and utter bliss for me in those moments (instead of fear and frustration.)  I'm so out of my comfort zone in that one thing.  I'm trying to pay attention to what that means for me.  Why do I care so much?  Does it matter?  Is it a negative or positive thing for me to spend time thinking about that?  Why can't I let it go? 

My old martial arts instructor backed up my instincts on this.  I think once the old volunteer is gone, I can ask the instructor about changing that one thing to protect the client's joints, and help them gain more muscle control.  At this point the other volunteer thinks it's beyond the client's abilities, and that's true.  The thing is, if they don't ever learn how to do it properly, they'll never improve.  These guys come into the program unable to jump rope once, then progress to jumping 100 times in a row without missing.  They can learn.  They're expected to improve.

I'll leave that there for now. 

Does anyone have information on Gallbladder stones, sludge and improving the gb without surgical removal?  My sib is struggling with that right now, and I'm very afraid removal is killing the canary in the mineshaft.  My feeling is that healing the gb, improving nutrition and life choices is an option Western docs don't consider, bc 4 out of 5 people who remove the stones, opposed to the gb, experience a return of stones.  I believe that's bc Western docs don't treat the cause, or even care what the causes are.  It's maddening.

My sister and I just finished cooking up 40 gallons of fall soups using fresh, organic produce, and products.  Himalayan salt, not much.  There was beautiful rice pudding for Papa C, to put some meat on his bones, and pork with basmati rice and veggies frozen in individual servings.... then we delivered to 4 households, including sib with gb troubles.... who received frozen organic bone broth in small containers as well.  It's frustrating he keeps repeating what the Western docs say.... there's very little awareness of nutrition, even though food is main trigger for gb attacks.   I've changed my diet out of fear, necessity.  I've gone cold turkey ZERO gluten, sugar and dairy.... I understand what he's up against.  It's very difficult, but can be done, but I sense zero awareness from him or his doctors that this COULD help, or can be done.

One of the goals I worked during energy classes was making peace with the choices my loved ones make.  I'll pay attention to that, and see how things have shifted, if at all.  I noticed I'm able to catch myself, and choose different responses.  I haven't noticed how I feel about it after the fact, bc it's pretty overwhelming. 

So, I did balances on 5 people in 2 days, and I notice I'm making things difficult on myself, bc I so want to customize each balance for the person I'm working on.  What I need to do is the same balance, working my way INTO the programs with each person.  This is what I did before, and it's overwhelming, frustrating and exhausting for me, not to mention slower than it needs to be, and a struggle. 

So, today I'm adding a goal to my study program..... to make peace with mastering the basics, then move on to more involved balances.  Yes.  That makes so much sense tapping it out here.  I will benefit from this plan, and so will those I'm working with.

::nod::..

And.... I'm working on communication skills..... working to relay information w/o expectation, or judgement, which reminds me of discussing the legal stuff.  I'd shift into complete honesty mode with family, for the sake of time, and end up getting lectured, and wasting time.   I so want brother to be OK, and shift his health starting NOW.  Telling him isn't working.... the resistance is almost comical.  Knee jerk ODD from him, which I should expect.  It feels so heavy, and flips my stomach, and the sense of NOW TIME.... is overwhelming.   If he's going to turn this around, he needs to begin. I can't do that for him.  He has to decide for himself. 

::sigh::.

Now... on to study, fall leaf clean up, and boxing in Parkinson's program, while supporting young adult daughters.... oldest dd and I will vote early today, even though our district has been gerrymandered, and won't be fixed till after this election. 


https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07BHDXKY1/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?smid=AKOVI4WSX3LJK&psc=1
I have a list of books to order.  Will order Christmas presents, above, and give to all the new drivers.   I suggest everyone carry these battery packs for jump starting vehicles, and emergency phone and computer charging.  I have a different brand, and model, but will likely order these, bc they're higher rated.

That's my update.

Lighter

[lighter]

Here is a wonderful YouTube Video on Brain Integration, and what it is, exactly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfrojqTevZE

If you get the chance, I highly recommend it: )
Lighter

[lighter]

I'm finally reading the book ENERGETIC KINESIOLOGY by Charles T. Krebbs, and Tania O'Neill McGowan.  I've been going about this new enterprise backwards... experiencing the work, learning how to perform the work, then researching the history of the work, and how it came about in a flurry of MORE information on doing more advanced work.

Energetic Kinesiology provides the history, and explanations about the subtle energies surrounding, and running through the body. 

I was shocked at the price.... over $50.00.  If you can find it used, at a bargain, you might find it good fireside reading.

In the meantime, I'm trying to catch my negative thought patterns, and flip them into positive ones.  I don't wish to attract more negativity in my life.  I'm ready to attract positive things. 

The moss is thick and happy after the very wet summer.  Mostly crowding out weeds that would typically grow... at least in the back and side yards.

The front yard is lush as well, but the weeds are just too many to handle.  I intend to expand the leaf island, and perhaps build up taller mounds around the Oaks to plant with happy moss that runs up their trunks.  It's truly lovely when it's all neat, and maintained.  Getting a plan, I can maintain, is the goal.

The girls have started helping more with the house, and the yard.  I've been gone a lot of the summer, they've had no choice.  They're also maturing.

We went to a Burlesque show last night, and the oldest dd loved it.  Youngest disdained it.  They can't agree on anything, still.  There were comedians, and a ribbon dancer, and ring dancer, and scarf dancer, and most excellent host, singing like a very funny angel. 

Tonight we go to a Japanese Dance show... not sure what it is, but interested to check it out.   

The Haunted House around here is excellent.  I think the plan is Tues night for that.... maybe Halloween, but the girls not sure what they want to do.  This seems to be a pattern in my life.  Me, waiting on one foot, for others to make up their minds.  Not complaining, mind you.  Just noticing. 

The journey continues.

Lighter

[lighter]

This is from JUST ONE THING by Rick Hanson.  I love his site. In regard to feeling anxious around people.. new, close, distant, business associates, etc.... how to determine if anxiety is warranted, how to deal with it, and how to limit it. 


Does it feel safe with other people?
The Practice:
Relax Needless Fear Around Others.
 

 
Why?
We all know this fear. You step into a meeting with people you know and still there could be a watchfulness, a restraint, a certain carefulness in how you speak that comes more from subtle anxiety than reasonable prudence. Perhaps someone disagrees with you in this meeting – and you feel uneasy, off balance, unprotected; maybe later you worry what others thought about how you responded to the disagreement: Was I too irritated and pushy? Do they think I’m defensive? What should I do next time? When you get home, let’s say your teenage son is quiet and prickly as usual. You want to tell him that the chilly distance between you feels awful, and you want to open your heart to him . . . but it feels awkward, you’re afraid of making things worse, and when you spoke from the heart while growing up it did not go well and the fears reaching back into your childhood shadow and strengthen your fears today, so you say nothing, again. (I have had to deal with this myself.)

And these are just the milder social anxieties. Consider stronger ones, such as common fears about others getting angry, public speaking, being vulnerable, talking with authority figures, what others might think about your body, or being around people who aren’t like you.

Sometimes these fears are justified. People in your life might actually want to pressure, dismiss, mistreat, hurt, or exploit you. If you belong to a group of people that has been systematically discriminated against, harassed, assaulted, or even worse, it is perfectly understandable to be wary of this happening to you, perhaps again – and again. On a larger scale, think about the recurring theme throughout human history of authoritarian leaders revving up grievances against “them” in order to increase their own power and wealth; it’s prudent to be alarmed about this when it’s happening, especially when there is still time to stop it. Safety is arguably the most fundamental need of any animal, including us, and it’s vital to be clear-eyed about threats and strong and skillful in dealing with them. Nothing in what follows is meant to minimize this.

All this said – it is also true that very often our fears around other people are not really justified. Much of the time, they couldn’t care less about what we did – we are usually just a bit player in their own personal drama, anyway – or if they do care, it’s a passing feeling. Even if the other person does react, most likely you could handle it fine. Further, if there truly is something to deal with – a conflict, issue, broken agreement, betrayal – it is possible to be clear-eyed, strong, straightforward, confident, and secure without being anxious about it (see the chapter on kindness and assertiveness in Buddha’s Brain [LINK]). Anxiety is something added to our response to situations; sometimes it’s helpful, but usually it clouds thinking, adds needless suffering, and fuels conflicts with others.

So there are two kinds of mistakes we can make: having too little or too much anxiety around others. We should do our best to avoid making either kind. But which mistake is more common?

It’s the second one: needless anxiety stirred into the sauce of life, making it bitter.

 
How?
Be mindful of anxiety around others, especially subtle unease, concern, tension, nervousness, or worry. Tune into your body, that little jump in heartrate or funny feeling in the pit of your stomach. Watch the thoughts passing through, the quiet murmuring in the back of the mind that overestimates threats and underestimates resources, that predicts problems which are actually unlikely.

Be aware of the costs to you of unnecessary – not useful, not valuable – anxiety. Besides feeling bad, it makes a person play smaller with others, hold back his or her truth, and hunker down – or go to war, in ways small or large. Then really decide in your heart if you want to be free of this worthless fear.

With someone who you know cares about you, try saying to yourself (adapt my suggestions to your needs): I know you’re not going to attack me. Find your way to having the statement ring true, and then see how you feel. Do it again with this statement to yourself: Even if you did attack me, I would still be OK in the core of my being. Let the truth of this and related good feelings sink into you. Here’s another one: I can take care of myself around you. Let this, too, sink in. And: If you hurt me, I’ll still be OK in my core. And: I wish you well. If you have any difficulty with this practice, try other people who love you. The essence here is to feel your way into a place in which you recognize others and situations as they truly are, you take care of your own needs, and no needless anxiety is added.

Then try this practice with one or more friends . . . and then with a neutral person, such as a stranger on the street . . . and then even with someone who is difficult for you. If there is truly something to be anxious about, so be it. Otherwise, keep opening to the experience of being realistic about others and strong on your own behalf – without feeling any pointless fear.

Also try this approach when interacting with others. Can you talk with a family member, a friend, a neutral person, and a difficult person without one bit of unnecessary worry, alarm, sense of threat, or uneasiness? As you deepen your sense of being appropriately fearless with others, keep letting this experience sink in so you become increasingly grounded in this way or being.

Enjoy the sense of freedom this practice brings, the greater ease with others, the confidence. Notice how you can be more relaxed, patient, open, and caring with other people when you are not afraid.

What a comfort, and what a relief.

 
Share

[Hopalong]

"Appropriately fearless." I like that.

I think my anxiety is more fear of myself.

Quite the emotional puzzle but I'm confident a deeper
conversation with the new T, whenever that gets scheduled,
will help me untangle it better.

Hugs
Hops

[lighter]

We shredded an entire savoy cabbage, and cooked it with carrots, pork, garlic, fresh ginger, hot sesame oil, tamari, streamed in eggs, then topped off my own bowl with an easy over egg.  SO GOOD.  I have to say, it's good leftover... like great leftovers, and flavored up easy peasy.

Very much like eating the inside of an eggroll, or like Moo Shu without the pancakes.  I'm adding this to the weekly rotation, for sure.

It would be good vegetarian too, Hops.  Tempeh.

::nod::.

After breaking down 6 chickens, we have a huge pot of bone stock on the stove for Thanksgiving stuffing, gravy, and chicken pot pie.  The house smells amazing, and we have chicken salad coming out our ears.

My sister made chia seed pudding.  If anyone's seen the movie Nannie McPhee.... it's pretty much like eating the frog eggs from the tea pot scene.  The texture is so bad.  The optics are worse.  I channeled witch pudding, and ate two bowls, but no one else could do it.   

Finally made peace with expanding my leaf islands.... that pretty much means my entire front yard, with stone circles around the base of my big oak trees for lush, happy moss features.  I moved rocks around yesterday, then worked on moving moss in the morning rain.  The weather cleared up, and it was beautiful the rest of the afternoon. 

I've given up on the vertical moss too, and it's a relief.  No regrets.  Just learning curves.  Youngest dd and one neighbor are a bit sad about letting so much of the yard go wild.   We had it all beautiful several times... it's just too much work, and no one can say we didn't do our best. 

I realize how much time I spent pulling weeds over large areas.  I wasn't moving rocks, or playing in the moss any more.  I'm doing that again, and it's exactly how I wanted a moss yard to feel. 

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Aw, I'm glad you're back to playing with the moss, Lighter   Your food descriptions always make my mouth water!  Apart from the chia seed pudding, yuk!  Does sound a bit dubious.  We tried gluten free porridge once; awful stuff, I'd be astonished to find anyone actually eats it.  And I will never forget overhearing my son say to a friend once (who had stayed overnight), "Whatever you do, do not eat the gluten free crispy rice.  It's bad".  Lol

I love burlesque!  So glad you got to go and see that show.  DD wasn't keen but I don't think that matters; she got to experience it and now knows she isn't keen.  Or maybe she is keen but the sisterly 'we'll disagree' thing is there   I do love hearing about parents taking their kids to 'out there' kind of things; just things that are a little different to the ordinary and are designed to get people thinking and talking and experiencing something new.  Love that.  I'm glad your back is a bit better as well.  So hard when something like that happens; you just can't avoid using your back!  So it's difficult to let that heal.  I don't know much about gallstones but I do know that I find acupuncture and the general Chinese approach to health very helpful for me.  Generally aimed at finding the cause of the problem which I find very helpful.  I tend to use it now more to try and stop problems before they start - just a general rebalance and tune up (although haven't been for a while; I'm hoping to go after Christmas).  So maybe something there worth looking into.  Diet I think can be a revelation; there just seem to be chemicals and additives in so much now and we just aren't designed to consume those.  But very difficult to make changes and wade through the minefield of information sifting out what is useful and what is the latest fad.  I hope there is some relief to be found somewhere xx

[Hopalong]

Awww, that's funny, Tupp!
"Whatever you do, do not eat..." Snort.

Thanks for the veggie version suggestion, Lighter.
I could do that!

Hugs both,
Hops

[lighter]

So....my sister took the girls to a one woman show.  There was much slapping if bare breasts, and horrifying imagery they couldn't explain clearly.  I believe this was a form of Japanese theater.  This Caucasian woman trained IN Japan to perform one new and one older piece.  I know everyone in our group was gobsmacked, and caught off guard.  A lot of WWII Japanese Internment camp material, dragging the American flag around. 

Not burlesque, for sure.

We saw Reverend Payton's Big Damn Band recently, and that was a lot of fun.

I've had my head down, going through papers.  We've burned one burn barrel full, and will burn another soon.  My desk feels inviting, and organized after taking a load of books to Goodwill. 

We also started cleaning out the garage....both sides, which required another trip to Goodwill.  I'm letting things go.  If I haven't used it in 2 years, it's gone.

I'm also going to the island to finish getting cottage ready to rent.  Christmas planned in Canada.  We rented a large 5 bedroom house to entertain in, and launch from.  Kids old enough to walk the block to Yonge St.  Downtown a quick public transport away.  Not sure what we'll do for New Year's Eve.  Everyone will likely want something different, ime.

The front yard is now mostly leaves.  I'm shocked that the stoned in moss features, around large trees, mostly look like putting greens, maybe bc they're so flat.  I'm not complaining.....just surprised.  Moss, stones and leaves are informal things, individually.  How do they manage to collectively look like formal putting greens.

::shaking head::.

Oh well.  Will figure it out later. 

Leaving town first thing in the morning, trying to figure out best key storage lockbox for beach cottage Airbnb users....needs to stand up to ocean, and be easy to use and change code, etc....be secure.  Anyone here know anything about them?

Still worried about brother's health, and his views on it....treat symptoms, never causes. 

We're putting up a large fake tree this year. Haven't done that 25 years, but want Nana to have easier Christmas with us gone.  No needles.  She can use it every year.... it's pretty, with different textures mixed in. 
Lighter
PS. I really like goat butter! 

[Hopalong]

Can't help much with the exotica, Lighter,
but I can tell you that I bought a cabbage and carrots
yesterday because of you...I'm going to try that! The
ordinary grocery chain didn't have tempeh but I got
frozen veggie sausage which ought to do fine. Thanks!

Also dimly remembered a favorite recipe that uses cabbage...
because it's so simple EVEN I can remember it.

Borscht

Equal parts: beets, carrots, cabbage, onions
Chop everything.
Simmer it in broth (veggie stock or whatever...I use the
veggie version of Better Than Buillion).

When vegs are tender, blend (or not) and serve with
a dollop of....(usually sour cream).

That's the part I haven't figured out. I'm 99.9% off
dairy now. Never thought it'd happen. Don't drink coffee
but had been hanging on to milk for only 3 purposes:

--in oatmeal
--in hot black tea
--to make milk kefir with my grains

So read online that Silk Soy Creamer tasted best in tea.
Used it for a week and that's all it took to adapt. BUT...
then I read the label: sugars (cane syrup, dextrose), palm oil,
gimmeabreak.

Apparently they used to make a Light version but I emailed
the company and learned they've discontinued it. Tried plain
(zero additives) almond milk but ewww.

Anybody know of a no-sugar-added light soy creamer? I tried
making almond milk kefir and while it's probably okay as
in healthful, taste was pretty bleh. Might be a get used to
it thing...

[later...] Looked it up and you CAN make almond milk kefir
but gotta add sugar (coconut or cane), not more than 1tsp-1tbsp
because the kefir grains need a sugar to culture. Duh. Going to try
it again. My little lumpy kefir grains are my heroes, they have
put up with a lot! (Storing them in fresh milk which should be
good for 2-3 days and forgetting them for a week...)

Hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Hi Hope:

If you can find raw grass fed milk, you might find making your own kefir, and enjoying it in moderation, us fine for you.  I have a friend who enjoys that, and tolerates it well.

I don't know anything about borscht, but it sounds comforting.  I love beets....all the ingredients.  3am and I'm hungry again thinking about it.  What I'm craving is shredded carrots and beets with lemon and olive oil for dressing.  Something clean and light after yesterday.  Raw veggies, yum.  Also thin sliced granny and honey crisp apples with a bit of tangerine and lemon juice....yummy too.  Sometimes coating apple wedges in cinnamon is good too, and they keep pretty well.

I like yellow squash and onions cooked down in a heavy skillet with ghee.....carmelized a bit, and stir till cooked way down. 

The egg roll stuffing dish tastes great... whatever's in the fridge goes in....thin sliced cabbage, carrot, onion, garlic, whatever protein.....lots of eggs for me, and season to taste with tamari, a bit of oyster sauce, and hoisin, oh my.  Sometimes an easy over egg on top, as well.  I can make ahead, and heat it up through the week.  Sometimes with rice.  Yes, please.

I hope you like the dish.  Ask your grocery to bring in tempeh, and they likely will😎

Lighter