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Nar communication style
Meh:
--- Quote from: SilverLining on April 11, 2012, 11:50:36 AM ---
--- Quote from: Starlight on April 10, 2012, 10:38:32 PM ---Is there a Nar communication style?
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As long as I don't expect them to function as more than strangers, I'm not going to be disappointed. I can seek more fulfilling interactions elsewhere.
--- End quote ---
:(
It's sad to me. I still feel like a little kid that can't fully accept this.
You're right communication is some kind of convergence. It has the co- in there. Co-operate, co-op, commune. Community.
I would say that is how it is, the inane questions, like maybe 5 words worth. Maybe it's all they can remember from prior conversations due to the attention span problem. And yes I have at times said to my mother that she seems like she has ADD.
People who are good conversationalists IMO almost have this ability to create a psychic space that is spacious. Like the room actually feels like it contains more air particles or something, there is something expansive and dimensional. An open communication process compared to a closed communication habit.
Meh:
--- Quote from: PhoenixRising on April 11, 2012, 07:35:17 AM ---
--- Quote ---Is there a Nar communication style?
--- End quote ---
Lately, I've had plenty to vent about because it seems as though there's a pandemic of insanity to deal with, if I allow myself to read newspapers, magazines and watch TV.
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:lol: Hum, yeah current events can make anybody want to pull their hair out. That also is a toe in, foot in, leg in kind of experience.
In the news sensational things blow over and then something else takes it's place again.
Meh:
This sounds sort of silly. Some people believe in the afterlife and divine, god, heaven, purpose, a reason for life etc, white light, near death experience type stuff where all their loved ones will "meet them on the other side to help them cross over". So are the Narcissists supposed to be there to help us cross over---- :o Will they meet us on the other side....
I don't really believe in these things, I tend to think it's childish thinking and that people are just animals like the rest of the mammals. I don't think there is an after life but I wonder for the people that really do believe these things did they never have a Narcissist in their life? To follow the idea through about the afterlife and reconnecting with "loved ones". Then what happens is when we get to heaven we never see the Nar person ever again?? I know it's silly but having a Nar parent probably contributes to my sense that there is no god. When I think of people who would meet me on the other side...I don't see my family....how could I feel so different about my family compared to other people. It's a different world view--even a different after-life view.
I know it's ridiculous and strange to think about. I just couldn't help but to write it out.
A guy that I had a class with years ago was the closest and only relative to go to his cousins hospital bed side after a car accident.The cousin passed away and the guy said that right when his cousin passed away he could see spirits in the room of people from the other side. I believe he did see this. I try to be open minded, I don't know if he was having a hallucination or if he did see spirits. I don't believe in an afterlife but I don't rule it out 100%. It makes me wonder though.People have these thoughts maybe as a comfort. Yet it wouldn't be a comfort for the nar people to be there or other relatives so does that cause my mind to be more realistic and just say feh....no heaven....no light....and logically then no meaning.
I'm sure hard core religious people would say that nar people are whole on the other side, they don't have a PD. that the PD only manifests in this material world. Tired goodnight.
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote ---Maybe it's simply too much stress = a type of physical/emotional paralysis of sorts. Sort of an emotional threshold point that is too much for the nervous system. Basically people who are "depressed" are sick just like having a flu. I don't think its caused by a chemistry defect thing in the brain. I think it is simple stress/distress. Isn't this very simple and how did this get sort of turned around into a congenital defect of the brain chemistry.
--- End quote ---
Interesting that you brought this up. I just read something last week, a series of studies I think, that seemed to "suggest" the same thing at the conclusion. Where it overlaps for me, is that even by restricting calories and being physically active... I seem to add more pounds than lose them. For awhile, I just said, OK I'm 55... this is just natural aging. EXCEPT - that I never had a tendency to gain weight. Sort of like one of those babies that are never chubby & roly-poly... I could stuff my face and never, ever gain an inch or a pound - not even through pregnancy. And I never worked out or was involved in organized sports any more than I was required to be.
I've been interested for awhile in the mind-body connection and experienced first-hand the benefits to my nervous system from tai chi. But I'd never had any interest in diets or their theories. Never applied to me. Once I started reading, I got frustrated pretty quickly - because there's a lot of contradictory ideas, folk myths, quasi-science and even nutritional docs and neuroscientists seemed to cancel every promising idea out. Well, being a long time reader of Prevention I picked up a few things to look at - and even there, I kept seeing different systems and it started me thinking that there are different sets of physical problems; like different metabolism or physical "types". So, I broke down and bought the book on the Hormone Diet -- along with another one on Chinese Medicine. I've using herbs, and learning how... all the way back to Twiggy's time frame... it was just always in my environment. The doctor who wrote the book, kinda confirmed my idea that we are different "types", physically - and it's linked to the effect of these hormones on the brain.
Lupita posted something yesterday about how serotonin and dopamine are linked to whether someone is a pessimist or optimist and there wasn't anything one could do to change this, because it was genetic. The effects of living with N in a primary caregiver is practically speaking, just as deep and intertwined in our cells and brains. But in both situations, there is some science and there are doctors with some experience - using herbs to tweak our hormonal levels. These hormonal levels DO affect the functioning of the brain - and in turn, that level of functioning affects the physical body. This self-perpetuating cycle of existence CAN BE caused by life-long stress: i.e., having to live with a primary caregiver who's PD or N or just plain mentally ill and mean.
Even here - a bunch of us know that if we're flooded with a big anxiety attack or overwhelming helplessness - sometimes, just going for a walk will help lift it. The walk, the sunshine (vitamin D) and fresh air is a positive antidote to temper those old emotion-patterns. Lupita likes to dance; she feels more alive when she's dancing - it's that same chemical stimulus - response at work. But we don't really BELIEVE it's that simple. We can't really convince ourselves; we don't know how it works. And the feelings only change temporarily - according to our perception. But over time, I think there are small gradual (imperceptible) progressions that can become more permanent.
I'm not sure I believe all this, anyway. But, I am trying some things to see what happens. I simply got serious about taking my multivitamin everyday - and added a supplement for thyroid support. Next up, Omega 3s... because according to this system and knowing my own history... I have some inflammation issues that stress my immune system. And then there are a few more - working from biggest problem to the slightest. The book helps one self-identify the issues and can be supported with blood tests, too. But the Docs' idea is that each of us will need a different amount of time to bring those hormones back into balance - you won't take these supplements forever - and the process is slow and gradual, and not everyone needs everything. She walks one through the "trial & error" of seeing what works for you... without putting yourself even further out of whack. And of course, there is an exercise/activity component.
So, star... once Western medicine decided that the mind/emotions and body were separate things... they "forgot" the basic understanding that our emotions can affect our body... and vice versa. I think like you - that lifelong stress isn't the same thing as a brain defect or PD. And I suspect - I'm still learning what works for me - that what we need is simply a gentle shove in the right direction to get those hormone levels back in balance. My weight is still bouncing around - lose 2.5 lbs one day, gain it all back the next - but what I've noticed is that emotionally I FEEL better. Didn't really expect that. I feel like I have more energy, I want to do things that are more active, etc.
I'm still playing around with this... it seemed way too simple; the old "here, take this pill and magically all will be well". I'm still skeptical about that. But if I can start being more physically active, without pooping out right after starting... well, that's another microstep to the ultimate goal. And I can live with a side effect that makes me feel emotionally a bit clearer, calmer, more balanced at the same time, too!
(Disclaimer: one could view this really cynically as just another form of placebo effect. Having a really cynical side to me... helps me kinda keep those expectations in check. She's been showing up a lot lately (ironically) even as I start to feel "better".)
SilverLining:
--- Quote from: Starlight on April 12, 2012, 04:15:44 AM ---This sounds sort of silly. Some people believe in the afterlife and divine, god, heaven, purpose, a reason for life etc, white light, near death experience type stuff where all their loved ones will "meet them on the other side to help them cross over". So are the Narcissists supposed to be there to help us cross over---- :o Will they meet us on the other side....
I don't really believe in these things, I tend to think it's childish thinking and that people are just animals like the rest of the mammals. I don't think there is an after life but I wonder for the people that really do believe these things did they never have a Narcissist in their life? To follow the idea through about the afterlife and reconnecting with "loved ones". Then what happens is when we get to heaven we never see the Nar person ever again?? I know it's silly but having a Nar parent probably contributes to my sense that there is no god. When I think of people who would meet me on the other side...I don't see my family....how could I feel so different about my family compared to other people. It's a different world view--even a different after-life view.
I know it's ridiculous and strange to think about. I just couldn't help but to write it out.
--- End quote ---
I don't think it's silly to think about at all. Eternity with the relatives sure doesn't sound like "heaven" to me... :? This may be a benefit of the N family experience. It gets us thinking about these issues instead of just accepting the institutional answers. Personally I don't believe there is any spiritual weight behind the isolated nuclear family organization, unless for whatever reasons the individuals can make something more out of it. Otherwise it's just "matter" and biology.
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