Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
I love you but I don't like you
Meh:
Thinking that when certain life events or milestones happen that the Nar issue comes up again.
Meh:
--- Quote from: KayZee on June 27, 2012, 08:11:44 AM ---
It's like in my inner child's mind, the two sentiments are interchangeable and the closer someone comes the more likely they are to hurt me.
--- End quote ---
Um hum. I get that.
Meh:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on June 27, 2012, 10:55:57 AM ---My mum made it clear she didn't like me or love me so at least there was less room for confusion :)
--- End quote ---
Sorry two :( It's sad growing up with N parents isnt it? Is for me, still is, no matter how old I am. To me it feels like a car accident happened or something but it's not.
I always felt unloved but was confused by what people explained to me or acted out. Or basically what they wanted me to believe I guess.
Meh:
--- Quote from: gratitude28 on June 27, 2012, 11:15:13 PM ---My NM says she loves me. But I don't think she does. I think she has put all of her self-loathing into me. She sees me as a "slut" and "weird" and "thinking I am perfect." So odd this combination...
I think I also had no clue what caring or love was. For the longest time I thought it was sexual attraction.
It's funny - she idolizes my sister. One day I asked my sister if she didn't think the E-Mail jokes NM sends are creepy and vulgur. Turns out she only sends the vulgur ones to me. Also, she gave me a book once she thought I'd like to read - it was full of sex scenes. Nice, eh? I have been happily and faithfully married for 19 years. Yes, I had sex in college. No, not more than the average person, in spite of my confusion.
Ugh!
--- End quote ---
Your NM sounds jealous of you.
Maybe Nar people are jealous of their children because the child comes along and usurps the N's position as the perennial child. Maybe they are jealous because they still want to be the child, so when the baby came along it made the N angry forever? I don't know, just thinkin random thoughts outloud.
Oh yuck, she only sends the vulgar ones to you. That is definitely not nice at all.
Maybe I'm lucky that my mother just tells me about the dog pooh, I don't get the sex scene stuff too much. One weird thing that my mother has done is sometimes make comments about the type of men she can imagine me with--often times much much older then me and it has a very odd feeling about it. People that I would never in my wild imagination think about sexually she will say something.
I've always been disgusted with my mother's sexuality though. Maybe that is normal to feel that way.
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote ---Maybe Nar people are jealous of their children because the child comes along and usurps the N's position as the perennial child.
--- End quote ---
This is an interesting idea! I always thought that NM was jealous of my ability to be independent; think for myself; choose... to be different than her. To be normal, in other words... and have normal relationships. She certainly went out of her way to intervene, interrupt, and interfere often enough. That was why there was constant conflict between us. The only time she was overjoyed with me -- was after Twiggy's day the SHTF - and she TOLD me, it was because I was like her now.
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