Send light please

[lighter]

Well, it's time to get this next trial out of the way, and I'm knee deep in documents.

The good new is..... I've documented so well, I have just about everything I could possibly need to lay out the truth of what I've been going through.

The bad news is..... I have to organize it in a way that the court will actually read and understand them, not glance at them and dismiss them. 

Oh dear, oh dear, what to include?  Just as I find satisfaction in a cross referenced stack of very informative docs, I fear there's way too many documents, and the Judge will never read them. 

So, please send light, and any executive function skill light you have lying around, so I can help this Judge "see."

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Instead of looking at all the overwhelming documents... write out in outline form, what you wish you could say to the judge. THEN, line up those documents where they need to go... where they document or support the various outline points. Then, when you hand it all over... you, Lighter... need to release the outcome because you've done the best you can to make your case and while it's true some people only "judge" per their own bias and denial... that's only SOME people. Let the judge decide how much detail to read... and TRUST that the judge is going to his/her job to the best of their ability.

((((((((((and surround Lighter in the giant cone of white light while waiting on the response))))))))

[Izzy_*now*]

Oh lighter,

Are your 'trials' not over yet? what's up?....if Imight ask?

I didn't know, but I send you my organizational skills and hope everything falls into place

and Light
Izzy

[Hopalong]

I don't know what's up, either...so despite confusion
I too send

much
light
to

Lighter...

(my organizational skills might not do you much good but I believe YOU have them!)

Hops

[Twoapenny]

Light and love your way, Lighter.

I don't know how you're currently organising your docs.  My mountain of paperwork has a synopsis at the front with the main points bulletpointed.  The documents are numbered and then document numbers are listed next to bullet points, so anyone reading can skip straight to that document if they want to.  It also has the page numbers from the main document there, so they can just read that section.  The main document comes after that, where I explain everything in detail, and again, everything is cross referenced with a document number so it's easy to find.  In some instances the same document is referred to more than once and where that happens I've copied it twice and given it a different number so they don't have to flick back through forty pages to find it.  I've also included a list of each doc with its number, brief detail of what it contains and its date.

I've made that sound quite confusing - sorry!  Basically, something like

• Information relating to allegations made to xyz agency on September 12th 2006.  Pages 14 - 32.  Doc no's 7 - 15

You probably already have a better way of organising it.  I know what you mean though, it makes you feel that you want to sit with the judge and read it to him so he doesn't miss any of it.

Do you have a friend that would read through it with a fresh pair of eyes and tell you if there's anything they miss or don't understand?

Lots of light and love your way.  Your strength and compassion will shine through xxxxx

[lighter]

I knew, I KNEW you'd post something incredibly helpful, Amber. 

Thanks, an outline will drastically improve my odds of accomplishing my goals.

Lighter

Instead of looking at all the overwhelming documents... write out in outline form, what you wish you could say to the judge. THEN, line up those documents where they need to go... where they document or support the various outline points. Then, when you hand it all over... you, Lighter... need to release the outcome because you've done the best you can to make your case and while it's true some people only "judge" per their own bias and denial... that's only SOME people. Let the judge decide how much detail to read... and TRUST that the judge is going to his/her job to the best of their ability.

((((((((((and surround Lighter in the giant cone of white light while waiting on the response))))))))

 
I can feel it, Amber; )  Again, thanks.

[lighter]

Tupp:

It will take days to organize as well as that.  Perhaps weeks, and I only have hours left before turning over one of the reports.  I can do a better job before trial,  but right now flying by the seat of my pants, with the intention of organizing as well as you.  Good for you, and I'm taking notes.

Hops, and Izzy: 
Thanks for the support.  I know you empathize with the lack of organization Hops, and I wish you were here to help me get things in order, Izz.  Keep sending light, as I'll be carrying your Amazon spirit into this custody trial with me.

Where is honorary member, Mud? 

Lighter


quote author=Twoapenny link=topic=10065.msg163413#msg163413 date=1344750502]
Light and love your way, Lighter.

I don't know how you're currently organising your docs.  My mountain of paperwork has a synopsis at the front with the main points bulletpointed.  The documents are numbered and then document numbers are listed next to bullet points, so anyone reading can skip straight to that document if they want to.  It also has the page numbers from the main document there, so they can just read that section.  The main document comes after that, where I explain everything in detail, and again, everything is cross referenced with a document number so it's easy to find.  In some instances the same document is referred to more than once and where that happens I've copied it twice and given it a different number so they don't have to flick back through forty pages to find it.  I've also included a list of each doc with its number, brief detail of what it contains and its date.

I've made that sound quite confusing - sorry!  Basically, something like

• Information relating to allegations made to xyz agency on September 12th 2006.  Pages 14 - 32.  Doc no's 7 - 15

You probably already have a better way of organising it.  I know what you mean though, it makes you feel that you want to sit with the judge and read it to him so he doesn't miss any of it.

Do you have a friend that would read through it with a fresh pair of eyes and tell you if there's anything they miss or don't understand?

Lots of light and love your way.  Your strength and compassion will shine through xxxxx
[/quote]

[teartracks]

((((((((Lighter))))))))

The way you've organized your documents sounds amazingly thorough and understandable.  You've done it in a way that should make it easy to respond to the judge who wants all the details or the one who wants a summary. 

Wishing you all the best.

tt

[Twoapenny]

Lighter, how are things going now? xxx

[lighter]

I'm struggling, Tup.

I'm struggling.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Lighter, I'm so sorry to hear that.  You are strong.  You are a good person and, most importantly, you know you are right. It's okay to be scared/anxious/overwhelmed/struggling to cope.  These sorts of situations do that to us, it's inevitable in some ways, but it will finish and, hopefully, there will be some closure.  We are all thinking of you!  Sending light and love your way, and good, strong, fighting thoughts.  Hang in there.  Be good to yourself.  Keep us posted.

Lots of love xxx

[lighter]

Tupp:

I'm feeling pretty strong today.  I have a sense that things are looking up, and all the frantic, neck breaking work will pay off, provided we can get it into THIS trial.  I really had hoped this would be the one that exposes the PD's for what they are, and what they've done/are doing.  It's a very insidious thing to have PD's harming you, while posing as victims themselves.  Terrible when they're accusing you of doing what they're doing to you, and getting away with it. 

I know I've had a very difficult time explaining what I'm going through so I can be heard and understood.  One of the most painful realities has been the reality of advocating for self = punishment and dismissal, often and dependably.

There's a trick to being heard, and I'm learning a lot about that right now.  Interestingly enough, it's about how we view personal attacks against us, and typically the very core of our beings.  It's about choosing to view them as opportunities to educate, rather than attacks.

I'm hangingin there, and I appreciate all the light and support you're sending: )

Lighter

 

[sKePTiKal]

Hey Hon -

here's a technique that's served me well, over time.... with that tactic you described: projecting out the behavior they're indulging in - onto you:

first, ya gotta know exactly what it is you WANT/NEED - put that into positive words - this is your mantra
then, no matter how much these people get under your skin - no matter how afraid you are that people will believe them, and not YOU - you stick to that positive script from the first step. (Later on - you are free to address your natural emotional response to this crap. Timing.)

Learn to bite your tongue without bleeding - what this accusatory tactic is designed to do is outrage you, get you on the defensive so that they can (unfairly again) paint you as the problem. Let them lay out all their lies, innuendos, rediculous claims of mind-reading and knowing you better than you know yourself. Be calm - your turn is coming THIS TIME. If you are engaged in a power struggle over who will be believed; who is lying -- your brain won't be able to think clearly. You need your brain and it will do just fine, if you can postpone paying attention to your natural survival response during the hearing.

Then, without addressing or responding to all those malicious claims - simply read, if necessary, or repeat your positive statement about the situation, that defines the conflict in YOUR TERMS and what your goal is. The only time you allow yourself to make a response to "them" - is if the judge/mediator/third party asks you directly about the truth of the claim, facts, etc. AGAIN: explain as positively as you can the situation without being defensive.

You do not want to get drawn into the little kid tactic they're using: she hit me first!! NO - you hit me first!!! The absolute BEST outcome in the world, is if the facts can be dealt with, discussed, verified and explained -- without any emotional drama whatsoever. That takes the melodrama out of their accusations, reveals them for what they are.

Be prepared, tho - you may be asked how you feel about those accusations: that's when you need that observing ego to choose the words and not the inner child or feral cat! LOL... You're not being asked to enter into your feelings only describe them.

As far as venting and responding to calumny? You just come right back here and get it off your chest! No need to carry a load of crap around - the process itself, is difficult enough.

[lighter]

((((Amber))))
Thank you,
Light

[Hopalong]

I really liked and agreed with how your paragraph that started this way concluded:

There's a trick to being heard,

But since I'm just microscopic on language sometimes, thought I'd say this also popped up in me.
No tricks.

The thing to focus on is NOT how others will hear you. It's to focus just on how/what you speak.

See what I mean? "How you will be heard" is really, truly, out of your control. No positioning, facial expressions, vocal intonations, physical postures or gestures, or any attempts at "tricking" the listener into hearing you "the way you want to be heard" will succeed.

What WILL succeed (and I know it will!) is:

You focusing on the honesty, simplicity, directness, and clarity of your own speech, and story.
(Your organization and narrative and documentation are all a foundation of that, and invaluable.) But you do not need to suggest, plant little ideas, suggest nuances, in listeners' minds. Assume: They are intelligent. They can hear.

But just be aware, that you might have a tendency in your thinking about this upcoming trial, that without meaning to intentionally, you are thinking in some way...of manipulating: iow, "How do I 'trick' these people/this judge into "hearing what I want them to hear"?'

My advice, though my courtroom experience with my brother was infinitesimal by comparison, is that to be calm in my truth (not pretending to not have any feelings, but just having the inner moral calm of knowing I am being TRUTHFUL and that I am a GOOD PERSON) ... and state facts (not maneuver interpretations of others) -- was my task.

That was it.

Past that, I truly had to "release the outcome." I can't imagine anything harder, Lighter, than releasing this particular outcome you're being challenged on.

But still, I think speaking truth to power, as the Quakers would say (the judge being "the power") is the only thing you need to do.

No tricks to being heard. Only the NON-trick, of speaking truthfully. And even...simply.

love to you,
Hops