I don't know, Lupe.
I think maybe we go through the same lessons again and again until we figure them out.
Then we go on to the next lesson.
That's the way life is...... we're lifelong learners, like it or not.
I wonder how much work you've done on boundary work since you landed on this board.
I know I always feel more comfortable with boundaries when I'm reading about boundary setting and enforcement. It helps remind me, keep me centered, explain how to do it without causing drama and upset in my own nervous system, which is important.
If I see where a boundary has been crossed, most of the time I can talk about it right there without building it up in my mind and having it consume me for any length of time, but I have to be clear on what that boundary is, and what my right to defend it is, or all is lost in that moment.
There's a saying....
when we don't want to know what's going on, we become confused.
When the same boundaries are crossed, over and over for you, are you clear on what they are, and are you clear on your right is to set that boundary without drama, and enforce it without letting time pass? I think you may become confused, feel wounded by the situation that feels so familiar to you, and not assert yourself quickly with people who tend to cross boundaries. I think those kind of people test boundaries, and push limits with people who allow it.
Maybe they cross everyone's boundaries, not just yours, Lupe?
Maybe the people with good boundary setting skills, and the ability to easily and rapidly enforce boundary infractions are left alone, and those who can't identify boundaries or enforce them fall into a cycle with chronic boundary crossers.
I agree with FP, you shine like the sun, and that perhaps envy plays a part in some of what's going on in this pattern.
I do think that you grew up lacking healthy boundaries, your mother crossing every line, and making you feel guilty for breathing.
This means you have to learn what healthy boundaries are, and how to enforce them appropriately, which is new, and feels odd at first, but it might just turn everything around for you if you master the skills involved.
Not sure, Lupita.
I do know you've suffered, and been confused for far too long. It's time for some clarity for you my friend, and I think boundary work might help dispel some of the confusion and feeling of being victimized over and over in the same situations in your life.
You're smart. You can figure this out.
Lighter
