Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
I will never find f***ing peace
BonesMS:
Here and ready to listen......((((((((((((((((((((Peace)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
lighter:
((((FP))))
It's going to be OK again.
Light
BonesMS:
((((((((((((((((((Peace))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I hear ya!!!
Alcoholism is a HELLISH disease. It sounds as if he is still on what is called "a Dry Drunk". The alcohol may be absent, (for now), but the sick behaviors are all still there. Based on what I'm reading, I presume he is not going to AA nor has an AA sponsor.
Have you had the opportunity to talk to someone in Al-Anon, the support group for families of alcoholics? They can help save your sanity and the sanity of your children.
Just my two-cents' worth.
Bones
sKePTiKal:
Awwww Peace... :(
It's not your fault. You're not having a pity party, either.
You are only as strong as you are - for yourself, your D, for your family. You can't carry hubby's burden along with that, too. What's not fair, is that he's expecting you to help carry it. And in the process, his "illness" is going to drag you down too. Unless you say NO.
Bones is right; Al-anon will help some. It'll help sort out the tangles of over-responsibility, enmeshment, protecting the person causing the distress, and help you define what your own limits are. My own experience is that it's the drinking itself... that attempts to make the people around the drinker, responsible - in all kinds of ways - for how "well" the drinker is doing. Up to a point. Then, the drinking double-dares the responsible supporters to prevent the drinker from doing him or herself in... drinking. It's not possible to win against that level of addictive intent and it's not possible to reason with it, either. The costs - the real risks - of attempting to intervene, interrupt, or divert this intent can be exorbitantly high for those who try.
You're being traumatized, kiddo. In your attempt to care for someone who isn't going to cooperate. Even if he says he wants to -- unless he recognizes that all the yuck and chaos is created precisely from his drinking -- he can't accept the responsibility for what it's effects have been on anyone; not even himself. It's almost impossible to get people so far into the clutches of that destructive intent -- to want to get help.
(Insert giant, never ending hug here, OK?)
But you can help you and your family. You have to be the cavalry that rides to the rescue and helps get them to a calm safe place. I know you can do that. It'll be way easier to do this, if you have help where you are. Start with Al-Anon. Ask for referrals to what you need, the practical things... take it one step at a time. You do need to be able to rest, to be able to live life without wondering all the time, when the other shoe is going to drop... and these folks KNOW and CARE about the kinds of things you've been going through.
You don't have to struggle with this, all by yourself.
(More hugs....)
BonesMS:
I'm hoping these links might help:
http://www.al-anon-alateen-msp.org/pages/AboutAlcoholism.html
http://alanon.activeboard.com/t27785416/dry-drunk-syndrome/
And the following quote helps me:
"I have to remind myself of the three C's, I didn't cause it I can't control it, I can't cure it."
Bones
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