Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Not sure what to put for a title!
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Skits on November 03, 2012, 04:05:18 PM ---Hi Tupp
I sure don't have any answers.
When I was little we spent Xmas with Dad's side of the famiy and New Years with Mom's side of the family. All cut and dried.
Things changed when we girls had boyfriends and weren't with the rest of the family, then marriage and our own children/in-laws and the crowd becomes larger, then divorce and the crowd becomes smaller and I was beginning to hate the holidays with a passion.
One year I had 4 invitatiions and was so confused when I had turned them down, as I wanted just a Xmas alone with my D, about 10. Then they all called and wondered where I was.
FFwd to now. It has been since Xmas 2003 that I have not celebrated a Holiday and I am fine with it.
Karla, my therapist is my best friend and her place is totally off limits for accessibility and she understnads that I don't care to go and she likely would not care to be fussing over it, so we have our own dinner out on another day, whenever a time comes to celebrate: just she and I, not even her husband, and I am fine with that.
......and when my mess is all over and we celebrate with a BIG party, it will still be just she and I at a favourite place to enjoy!
It will work out for you somehow!
Iz
--- End quote ---
Thank you, Izzy. I am glad you've got to a point where you are content with your holiday plans. They put a lot of pressure on us, don't they? Seems a bit of a silly tradition when it makes so many people unhappy and alone. Your Karla sounds like an angel :) I hope your situation is sorted out soon and you and Karla paint the town red. Soon, hopefully! :) Thank you.
Twoapenny:
Lighter, thank you, as always, for your kind words. You are right, I do put myself in this position over and over. The positives are that I tend to recognise it more now, and more quickly. It's funny how difficult we can all be, some thinking of others too much and some not enough. I think it triggered some things that have moved around in my head for a while. I seem to attract people into my life who are very, very close to me and then vanish when their lives improve. I've had a number of situations now where I've thought I was good friends with someone and then discovered I was filling a gap for them and was discarded once no longer needed (and we all know where that started!). But it's good to have the perspective and to be able to see it a little better from outside of the situation.
The friends who have invited us for lunch are like a surrogate family for me; I am certainly closer to them than my own family. They're lovely people, all a bit mad (in a nice way, they're good fun), very generous and very understanding of my son's special needs. It will be a lovely afternoon at theirs and you are right, I wouldn't be happy if I knew my step-brother was on his own all day. Time to start waving bye bye to some people and putting myself first. It's like ripping off plasters! Thank you for your love and understanding. Tupp.
PS Are you still walking on cloud nine because YOU WON?! :) I still smile whenever I think of it :) xx
Kay, thank you too, for your kindness and good advice. I couldn't reply for a while after reading your post because the bit you said at the end about considering whether I wanted to spend Christmas with my sister really hit home. I thought about it through the afternoon and do you know what, I don't? If I'm totally honest and put other people's feelings aside for now I really don't. It was a bit of a shock to me, to be honest. How funny that we don't see these things until someone else points them out. Thank you for your honesty and your support. Tupp.
Tear Tracks, thank you. Yes, different expectations and forgiveness. I'm getting there. The path is clearing for a brighter future and all that! Thank you xx
lighter:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on November 04, 2012, 07:34:14 PM ---Lighter,
PS Are you still walking on cloud nine because YOU WON?! :) I still smile whenever I think of it :) xx
--- End quote ---
I am walking on cloud 9, and I am a very happy camper, Tupp: )
And guess what!?!? The Judge's office phoned my attorney yesterday and gave us a date to have our legal fees ready for consideration when she rules on awarding legal fees! WHOO HOO! I was afraid her final order excluded fees, but I was happy anyway! Hey, it feels so good to feel so light, and normal again! YA!
Here's to standing up to the PD bullies, doing the work to document their abusive conduct, and holding them accountable for their terrible deeds....
::raising coffee mug::....
Sometimes the simple act of advocating for ourselves is a balm.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on November 06, 2012, 01:27:16 PM ---
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on November 04, 2012, 07:34:14 PM ---Lighter,
PS Are you still walking on cloud nine because YOU WON?! :) I still smile whenever I think of it :) xx
--- End quote ---
I am walking on cloud 9, and I am a very happy camper, Tupp: )
And guess what!?!? The Judge's office phoned my attorney yesterday and gave us a date to have our legal fees ready for consideration when she rules on awarding legal fees! WHOO HOO! I was afraid her final order excluded fees, but I was happy anyway! Hey, it feels so good to feel so light, and normal again! YA!
Here's to standing up to the PD bullies, doing the work to document their abusive conduct, and holding them accountable for their terrible deeds....
::raising coffee mug::....
Sometimes the simple act of advocating for ourselves is a balm.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Ah Lighter, I am so happy for you and your girls :) Having someone back you up officially like that is worth its weight in gold, but knowing you might get some of your money as well is the icing on the cake. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you xx
Twoapenny:
And following on from Lighter's comment about advocating for ourselves being a balm - today I practised being assertive - no more overly nice Twoapenny!
My sister arrived, unannounced and upset over something that had happened earlier in the day. I only see her when she's upset about something. Several things strike me - one, that she never calls to check it's okay to come round first, two, that I don't see her unless something bad has happened and three, that the reason I never see her is because she's always doing stuff with her partner and grown up kids which is, of course, absolutely fine, but why does she come to me when she's upset and not them?
I didn't try and comfort her, I just said I was sure it would be fine and get sorted, I didn't offer her anything to eat (I normally feel like I need to feed people, I don't know why), her brother was there at the time (the one the Christmas hoo ha has been about) and she didn't want to talk to him, normally I laugh and joke and fill in the gaps to make everyone feel better but I didn't and just let the awkward silences grow. I carried on with what I was doing anyway, made it clear we were going out and they both left after about half an hour. I didn't feel guilty - in fact I felt quite pleased with myself.
I don't mind listening to people's problems or helping people out but I am realising that there are a lot of one way streets in my relationships and they're not heading in my direction!
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