Author Topic: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!  (Read 6918 times)

JustKathy

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #30 on: January 15, 2013, 11:35:45 AM »
Thanks so much Fraidy. I am going to look into getting a camera so I can see anyone who is out front without having to look out the window. At this point it appears that he WILL be back, so I'm going to take all precautionary measures necessary.

Since the day that Christmas package was delivered, I've had a sinking feeling that Co-F would ramp up his efforts, now having seen my car and having a visual confirmation that I'm here. I was right. Yesterday I got a two page later telling me that my mother's cancer has spread to her brain, that she is in unbearable pain, and that death is imminent. The doctor gives her about three more months. WAIT! That's a better prognosis than the four weeks she was given back in 2009. Good grief, get your story straight. He also whines about how he knows he won't be able to care for himself after NM is gone and will need elder care. So I HAVE to call him right away.

Worth noting, the letter came with no return address on it, probably to prevent me from doing what I did the last time .... marking it "return to sender."

In the two pages of rambling, everything was about him. If he had written something like, "I know I did some things to hurt you, and I'm very sorry," I probably would have called him. Truth is, he isn't the least bit sorry. In his mind, I was a bad girl who needed to be punished. From the time I got the belt for wetting the bed at age six, to being disinherited at 50, I was bad and simply needed to be punished. What's the big deal? Kathy is "the bad seed." NM says so, and it pleased her to see me punished. The Queen must be pleased.

Not surprisingly, this is how I knew it would end for him. The one child with the financial means and the love in her heart to care for her father in his elder years was thrown under the bus, while he spent all of his time and money making sure that his son, the GC, wanted for nothing. Now his precious son no longer returns his calls. Hey, why should he? The ungrateful brat already has (and has already spent) most of his inheritance. He is also secure in the knowledge that he'll be inheriting their one remaining asset, a paid-off house. No matter what, Co-F will never change the will, so my brother is guaranteed that final payout regardless of whether or not he ever calls them again. I suspect one of the reasons Co-F is putting the pressure on me is that he HAS to have the children at my mother's "death bed" for appearances, and my brother isn't responding. I doubt he has any intention of ever showing his face again. He only wanted their money, he got it, and now he's done with them.

Is my father that insensitive/clueless/stupid that he actually thought he could abuse and torment me all my life, remove me from the will out of spite, and then expect me to take him in and give him elder care at my expense, because the GC now has all his money?

Sheesh. What goes around comes around. Die alone. Yes that sounds cruel, but I simply can't care anymore.

fraidycat

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #31 on: January 15, 2013, 06:50:37 PM »
Sorry they are putting you through this Kathy. Typical n-move..push people out with abuse than try to draw them back in with guilt and shame when they need something, usually a meaningless family show to keep appearances up. Your not being cruel at all Kathy, protecting yourself is the right thing to do. In my experience they hate more than anything to be ignored and can be relentless but since you aren't giving in I'm sure they will give up and walk away once they realize it's not going to work this time. I really think N's mistake kindness for weakness. Hang in there!

JustKathy

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #32 on: January 15, 2013, 08:35:21 PM »
Unfortunately, they'll never give up. The more I try to be NC, the more they stalk me and do whatever they can to get to me. The only thing that will stop this is if my NM really does die. My father is nothing but her puppet, and once the puppet master is gone, he will be lost. Everything he does, he does on her instructions. If she dies, I expect he'll continue to send guilt letters, but the more hard core stalking will end. I hope.

BonesMS

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #33 on: January 16, 2013, 05:45:08 AM »
((((((((((((((((((((((((JustKathy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

Hopalong

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #34 on: January 17, 2013, 06:03:27 PM »
Hi Kathy,
I'm thinking the fear and hatred is poisoning you, so I'm trying to imagine some
RELEASING ritual that will give you some well-deserved peace.

It is so hard, once those triggers get their hooks into your psyche.

What you're going through reminds me of how hyper-sensitive I used to feel
to every single gesture from my Nmom (and she was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay less
threatening than yours) -- and also how I feel right now about Nboss.

I'm really sorry you're going through these feelings. Trust that they are
feelings, and like weather, they'll ease their grip.

love to you,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

fraidycat

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #35 on: January 22, 2013, 03:13:47 PM »
Kathy I went through the consequences of NC too it's not easy. Hop's has a point, they still have a grip on you if you let them... don't let them.  If they see it they will lunge at you. Indifference as an attitude towards them (or the thought of them) might help...I don't care what you do it doesn't affect me! I'm not saying don't protect yourself, you should. Just move forward, its the only way they will see that they don't matter any more. When my family came at me I pushed forward and became more bold, spoke up more. I contacted mutual friends that they thought they turned against me to show that I wasn't afraid of them. They backed off. Your situation is far worse but you can handle it. The truth scares them away, move forward and protect yourself always! Best of luck Kathy!

JustKathy

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #36 on: January 23, 2013, 03:38:43 PM »
You guys are right, ignoring them is the best thing to do, though it was much easier when all it was were cards and phone calls that I didn't have to answer. Hunting me down and trespassing onto my property takes it to another level. I do own rental properties, so my name showing up on the title in a public records search doesn't mean that I live here. Hypothetically speaking, there could be tenants in this house who would call the cops or simply shoot an intruder. I know if I were renting a home, and someone left a mysterious package in my garage, I'd be terrified and would call 911. They're playing a very stupid and very dangerous game.

I guess the one thing I can hope for (and it sounds terrible to say this) is that NM really is nearing the end. If she dies, there will be an initial bombardment of guilt letters from Co-Father, but it will eventually subside. She's the puppet master, and without her, I don't think he'll be able to manage on his own or take care of himself since she's been calling the shots for 53 years. Someone will have to assume her role and tell him what to do, where to go, when to eat. It won't be me, though. Since my poor brainwashed sister got talked into buying a house a few doors down from them, she can do it. Or he can go into assisted living where he will be placed on a schedule and told what to do. I'm sure he'd respond quite well to having Nurse Ratched barking orders at him. It's what he's accustomed to.

Some days I'm sad that I no longer give a rat's ass about what becomes of Co-F. I went from worshiping the ground he walked on, to defending his bad behavior, to trying to accept that he was not the person I thought he was, to finally accepting it and taking on the attitude of ..... "To hell with you. Have a nice life. Bugger off. Go die alone."  I have to keep telling myself that what goes around comes around. He brought this on himself. End of story. :(
« Last Edit: January 23, 2013, 03:44:19 PM by JustKathy »

Hopalong

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #37 on: January 23, 2013, 08:31:12 PM »
Kathy, just want to send you some love.

I am so sorry you're going through all this.

I believe it might be true, too, that you are actually safe.

But I so understand why you don't feel that way.

Sending safe, peace, Kathy-at-home-in-her-piece-of-the-Unvierse vibes....
you deserve to OCCUPY YOUR SPACE.

I hope they never get past your bulwarks.
Your boundaries are good. Driveway visitations are pathetic.

You are not.

love to you,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

JustKathy

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Re: Trying to stay NC, they won't stop stalking me!
« Reply #38 on: January 23, 2013, 08:35:51 PM »
Thank you so much Hops.