Extended family Golden Children

[Overcomer]

I think this may be odd but I'm not sure so I thought I would ask the question to the board.

We do not function in an immediate family.  My mom, dad, brother and me.  We have always socialized with my mom's sister's family as well.  We also include all my mom's sisters and brother's famies but mostly the youngest sister.  She has always rode on my mom's coat tail and it's obvious why.  Mom has money and sister does not.  She acts more like my mom's child rather than her sister.

So here how it plays out.  My brother is the biggest scapegoat.  I am also a scapegoat.  I asked her why she demands so much of us but she gives to her sister's family and doesn't demand a thing out of them.  They are the Golden Children.  The sister and her pathetic son who hasn't worked in over two years and when he did work his attendance was about 50%.  He had a cushy job at a prayer center where basically all he had to do was pray and got tax deductible contributions to live on.  He was fired because he was absent a lot.

It is so frustrating.  My brother and I are the first to be thrown under the bus while my aunt and her family are showered with praise.  My just bought the cousin who doesn't work a BMW SUV.

My brother is fit to be tied which just perpetuates his "bad guy" scapegoat persona.

Anyone else have a Narcissist who loves being the center of attention so much that she includes extended family because she cannot find a golden child within her own children?

[fraidycat]

My N- Mom had five children, three girls and two boys. She tried to favor and scapegoat each and everyone of us over time. I think she based her favoritism on whoever would follow her lead. She needed to be looked up to by her peers and wanted her children to reflect a positive image to make her look good.  She did teach us some morels but didn't live by them herself. She expected her children to turn off every piece of decency on her whim to act out on whoever she was mad at at the time. She is very vindictive and hateful but needs to look good so she relied on her own children to hurt people for her. We didn't know she was lying about people so we felt sorry for her and wanted to help. Over time it started to become obvious that there were holes in her stories and consequences too. So at that point whoever thought for themselves and chose to do the right thing became a scapegoat. I'm betting your mom tried to turn you too but you were too strong for that. One thing I learned was to never ever rely on an N for ANYTHING!  If you do they will think you owe them and if you don't go along with that they will lash out to hurt you and pull you down. The ones she chose as her golden children were the ones who would go along with her pathology knowing it was wrong but couldn't resist the benefits, they became N's too, it's not worth the price. Another sister that is a scapegoat chose the N path too, she loves the drama and attention of being a victim but still seeks mom's approval and relies on her for gifts for herself and her children. N-mom also tries to find sources outside the family, anyone who will go along with her without questioning and take her side no matter what. They are just using her because she does reward, I don't think she cares, she needs support...and there are only so many people that will go along with that.