Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

My brother and just life and stuff

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Meh:
This is the weekend when the memorial service is occurring for my brother, probably on Sunday or maybe it is tomorrow, I don't even remember.

Right now I am so tired, I wanted to go up to the store and get a beer and my legs are like concrete. I am going to sleep as soon as my laundry is done. Can't believe how fast my weeks have been going by, like scary fast.

Not even sure what happened today, somebody looking for parts for an ancient item his father owns, people who said that they didn't get what they ordered, or people trying to figure out how to get their stuff for less money sometimes they can't even get their story straight...so and so told me it was brown, no they told me it was material, no they told me it was leather. Sigh.

Meh:
Sometimes I come here sort of feeling that there could be something that I would write about but then nothing comes out afterall. I think after all is one word. Maybe not.

There are so many things a person could think about. Lots of distractions and stuff. Anything and everything seems to take up space in my mind, and only a few times where I feel like I get an over all glimpse of what the heck is going on in my life. I really have nothing to write about at all. I feel kind of blank.

Meh:
Well on my Sunday I spent the better half of the day washing stuff and giving myself a "facial"... basically like plucking out my eye brows and "mustache" and actually looking at my skin. It feels like a guilty pleasure just to spend some time taking care of my physical body. I mean for a very long time I have felt like I can't relax and like I have no personal space and I pretty much still feel this way. Even though I have my own bathroom to use at the moment that I don't have to share with anybody...I feel uncomfortable using it. Like I have to hurry and get out of the shower as fast as possible and anywho. My skin doesn't look great, I kind of react to all the coffee I drink. It's kind of a good thing for me to look at myself now and then because it makes me want to adjust my diet. I mean a person doesn't feel good about how they look, it's not really fun to style my hair or get dressed up or anything. And then I Stop really looking in the mirror at all, it's like I just ignore it now. But today for the first time in a long time I spent some time looking at my skin and considering it and noticing my eyebrows and stuff.

I know a lot of people go through this from time to time.....the whole self neglect thing. I'm really tired of it. It's Sunday and I feel guilty for wanting to relax and file my nails....

Hopalong:
Wow.
I love it that you're perceiving the guilt...
confronting its reality...AND...continuing to
practice some new self-care...in your

OWN

BATHROOM.

Made my day.

xxoo
Hops

Meh:
Thanks Hops. I've been doing a man-routine, but I am not a dude. Like wash my face with bar of soap...the end.

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