Author Topic: More Ndrama. (and a little update about me)  (Read 1708 times)

Redhead Erin

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More Ndrama. (and a little update about me)
« on: July 18, 2013, 02:47:51 AM »
Weeeellllllll.........

It's been a while since I have posted here, although I do stop by once in a while and see what is going on. 

My life has been changing fast.  I quit my job as a dancer (about time!) and am now driving a horse and carriage in Chicago.  I love horses, so of course I love the job.  I am also in school to be an Emergency Medical Technician.  It is a 6 month course, which really should be 9 months, if you want my opinion. I do NOTHING but study, work (part time) and go to school.  My husband and son, bless their hearts, have taken over all the housework, animal care,  and most of the cooking. 

My mother's health has been failing.  She had to go into the hospital a few months ago (I forget why) and the fallout was that she now needs a permanent live-in caregiver.  Trouble is, she drives them all away.  Her live-in lady Wanda just quit, after about a month.  It seems she treats the helpers like her personal servants, and screams and yells at them when they don't do exactly as she says. 

I have restricted my visits with her to a few hours every other Friday, and as soon as she gets me alone she starts telling me how she hates all the caregivers and how they all drive her nuts and so on.  I have tried to tell her she will just have to get along with them or she will wind up in the nursing home, but of course she never listens to me.

The funny thing about all of this is.....I no longer care. If she has to go to a nursing home, I will want it to be one near me, so I can keep an eye on her.  But my dumb uncle will probably want to take her all the way down by him, so he can run the show.  (I think he was the GC of their generation). He has all her money, so I guess he will do whatever he wants.  He doesn't talk to me, and I really don't have the energy to fight. After all, this is a situation she made herself, so if he puts her in a crappy nursing home, I guess its her problem. I really, truly don't have time for it.  (Yesterday, I was standing in my kitchen before work, and looking happily ahead to the day when I will have time to WASH MY DISHES before I leave for work, instead of stuffing in half an hour of study time.)

My SIL texted me to tell me the latest caregiver quit, that there had been a fight over some dog toys and it ended with Wanda telling Mom she is "mean" and "nasty."  My answer was, "Well, she IS mean and nasty." SIL has seen enough of Mom to know I am not joking.  She doesn't know all of it, but she has seen enough. 

I think I'm finally done.  The family drama played out as it always does--with GC Steve being her big knight in armor (the one she called to cry about how much she hated Wanda) and me being the last to know, getting the news from GC and SIL (who are actually good folks) long after everything has happened.  And guess what? I don't really care.  If she winds up in a home, to bad.  If her stupid brother takes her downstate and then forgets to check up on her, too bad.  As she told me so many times, she made her bed, now she can lie in it. If she is just a mean old owman and nobody wants to come and visit her, so what? I dodnt make her into a nasty old bitch; she did that to herself.  I suffered much of the same abuse, by some f the same people, and I turned out to be a very nice, honorable, kind, and respectable person---because that is who I want to be.  this is the life I chose.  If loneliness and meanness are the life she chose, so be it.

I'm done.

Really this time.


Twoapenny

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Re: More Ndrama. (and a little update about me)
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2013, 03:21:20 PM »
Hi Erin,

Good to hear from you and I'm glad things are going well and you're enjoying life :)

Totally understand what you mean about just not caring any more - when nothing you do is good enough I think eventually you do just give up on it.  My mum is quite similar in being far more responsive to people who treat her badly than people who treat her well (as in your uncle who will do what suits him rather than what's best for her).  And yes, the firing of workers is a common theme; no-one ever did anything quite right as far as my mum and particularly my nan were concerned; my nan even fired the girl guides who had volunteered to do her gardening for free once she was too poorly to do it herself.  Part of me wonders if it is part of the poor me, I'm a victim thing - there's just no space in their life for them to be content and happy.

Enjoy your new ventures, stay healthy and enjoy being free at last :)

sKePTiKal

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Re: More Ndrama. (and a little update about me)
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2013, 07:14:01 AM »
Some people are truly addicted to misery, Erin. They don't feel comfortable without misery in their lives. Fine, less for us!!  ;)

Glad you're busy and moving forward! Long time no hear... (I changed from PR, oh... back in March, I think.)

Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: More Ndrama. (and a little update about me)
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2013, 12:14:08 PM »
Erin,
I am so excited to imagine you both driving a horse carriage in Chicago (excuse me while my head explodes trying to take in the COOL of that) and also becoming an EMT. Both of these things sound absolutely FANTASTIC for you.

I am sorry this study-period is such a grind -- sounds like a VERY intense chapter -- but I think you'll make it and never look back.

I am deeply impressed. That is a whole lot of hustle, determination, guts, drive and determination...and I think it is going to pay off for you for the rest of your life. You GO, girl.

I hear your frustration, fedupness, and some sorrow over your mother, and think your feelings are totally real. Understandable. And in a way, I'm glad you're too busy actually living and building a future to let her last flailings drown you along with her. It IS a tragedy, the spiraling awful descent of Ns into their final years and situations. But as you've learned so well, it is a chapter in nature with folks like that, that will play on out.

You've done the best you could by her. You really have. And you are now living in the present and building your own family's future.

BRAVO.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."