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Am I Passive Aggressive ?

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Ales2:
just feeling angry today. if i can figure out that my problems stem from passive aggressiveness as  result of the NWombDonor, why didnt my therapist ever mention it to me? there is plenty that can be done to clear up ones attitude and give me time to heal while learning a new way to interact with others and im plenty angry if there were ways for him to have helped and he didnt. guess even the anger is passive aggressive.

he sure let me wallow long enough when he knew i wanted to be married and have kids. i was 40 when i started t and was in a relationship that ended while in t. i dont blame him, but was he helpful? NO.

Hopalong:
Hi Ales,
I think it's pretty wonderful that you have PAD to think about.
I think it sounds like a good fit, and it's great that you have this new insight
into your attitude and affect. Bravo.

For me, having names for problems/characteristics/issues has always been a
godsend. It gives me a window into reading, learning and exploring -- and if
self-understanding follows, the knowledge is more precious than anything.

What I think this offers you too is the opportunity to gradually get your inner
focus off what another person did to let you down, and gradually move your
inner focus onto how you can now learn, develop, help yourself to greater
engagement in your own life.

Like...not to feel utterly alone with your problems, but to shift most of your
attention away from how others affect your problems, and back onto how
perhaps your PA has encouraged you to avoid befriending or encouraging
yourself.

xo
Hops

Ales2:
Thanks Hops.

I do get a mental shift out of the self inventory associated with a PAD, which in my case, seems mores situational rather than chronic. I have been between positions before, when I was a "competent professional" and never needed financial help before, but that was before I got traumatized by the abusive boss who led me to the discovery that my Mom is N. Malingering,procrastination/ leanred helplessness are three big signs of PAD, and I definitely suffer with those, my T probably saw that. But, what I also feel is that I lost that mature, competent adult self that I once had and I dont know how to get her back. This discovery hurt so much I regressed to being a wounded child. And wounded children even with a resume of professional accomplishments cant get hired or make progress, we fail everytime. I can use this information to self identify and improve, which is always good.

I think the most important thing for me these days is action, and sticking to moving forward, its seems life is 80/20. 80 is the practical work of finding a job, 10 is understanding my personal psychology and maybe 10 attitude/faith or law of attraction if you believe in that stuff. I can already say that my belief in karma is still strong, but not the golden rule - I feel like I was a good person, to the extent of being a naive doormat and have now paid the price. Not sure I believe treating abusers with respect or love or kindness will yield any in return. Thats just naive. Maybe the deal is that good people who treat abusers well will be rewarded, but not sure what that means in terms of actions. Now that I know their game, do I have to be kind with them really? I think NO.

As for befriending myself, Im working on that.

Thanks for your post Hops.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Ales2 on September 09, 2013, 03:33:52 PM ---Hi Two,

Yes, he was a bad therapist, although I already came to that conclusion in another post. At that time, I also thought he was letting me wallow in self pity for me to get myself out the hole and develop emotional self sufficiency. If that was his goal, it worked, but I still feel betrayed by him (which is actually a PAD trait, to feel misunderstood or used) for his lack of feedback and encouragement. I left therapy feeling misunderstood, discouraged and used, which is why I terminated therapy.

As far as achieving alot already, thank you for the compliment, but I am 45, still renting, unemployed and single. Too late to have my own family, and so will have to work and buy a home entirely on my own. Im not out of the hole yet, but getting much closer. Only way out is a new job and then other things that are money dependent can change. Oh, but I did lose 10 lbs so far, and can tell that the PA is alive and well when my willpower takes a vacation and I go off program. :)

Thanks for your posts, I appreciate your support. I;ll have to read up on your posts and contribute this week.

--- End quote ---

(((((((((((((Ales)))))))))))))))))

First question - what is PAD?

I think what jumped out at me in that post was the therapist allowing you to wallow in self pity so that you can get yourself out of a hole - it's a therapist's job to help you build the ladder to get yourself out, you know?  I don't know enough about your background situation to make assumptions about it but I do remember that I used to consider myself to be wallowing in self pity and over the years came to understand that I'd been badly abused and my 'self pity'  was more like an injury screaming 'fix me' and my wallowing was more down to emotional exhaustion, I think - I'd spent years bottling things up, distancing myself from my feelings and letting other people use me and abuse me as they liked and it's hard work!  I was tired.  I don't know if that's similar to your situation at all but - and please don't take this as a criticism - it read to me like you were being a bit too hard on yourself there?

Very well done on the 10lb weightloss as well :) xx

Hopalong:
Tupp--There are better summaries (Google) but here is one for PA (maybe it's also called PAD, with D for "disorder")
http://health.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease/passive-aggressive-personality-disorder/overview.html

fwiw,
Hops

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