My Wife

[Sela]

Same here (((((Mud))))).

I just happened to peak in here for the first time in ages and I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.
I'm glad you posted here to let us know.   That's a good plan….look forward…..it's a new year….yes!  Good stuff!
What else can a person do to move on?  And we must move on…….or otherwise stay still eh?  (otherwise known as stuck……stagnant…….not your way,
or your wish, I bet, or would it be your wife's wish either?  Not).

May you go on with a peaceful heart and positive energy and so many wonderful memories to carry you through.

Sela

[lighter]

Mud:

If you feel like putting the pieces back together, then it's time.

S would certainly want you to move forward, and be happy.

You know she would.

Light

[mudpuppy]

Thanks Sela, Overcomer and lighter.
It gets a little, almost imperceptibly, easier every day, but she still never leaves my mind, either front and center or as a kind of background radiation.
Hope there is somebody out there, not necessarily like her, but equivalent to her.

mud

[moonlight60]

Dear Mud......I have no words to express my sadness for your loss....Your Dearest one is with you always....Love and Light Moonlight

[Sela]

Well Mud, all one can do is hope.  Glad you have not lost yours.  That's a good thing.

I love this little poem:


“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson


Moonlight!!!  Good to see you're still around!!   

Sela

[sea storm]

I don't know about moving forward. i don't think it is such a good idea after a loss so great. Just let it be whatever it is.  Expecting that you need to move on is a tall order for your recent loss.

I hope you have compassion for whatever you feel for a long time.  You know the stages of grief. Not for the feint of heart to ride them out.  Hard journey. 

Blessings,
Sea storm

For some reason I am kind of worried about you.

[mudpuppy]

I don't think there are any tidy stages of grief. You get tossed into a washing machine of fairly random cycles and duration and every person has their own machine with its own settings. Some people are out and functioning in a month. Others never get out and maybe don't even want to; they hold the door from the inside if somebody tries to open it for them.
Everybody else is in some middle ground waiting for the next spin cycle to come on and knock them off their feet again until they can finally get out and  breathe again, although they're pretty wobbly and shaking the water out of their ears and the soap out of their eyes for a long time.

mud

[teartracks]

Dear Mud,

Never heard a better analogy of what it's like to grieve.  It has its own time frame and as you said, it's different for each individual.  Hearing your analogy makes me believe that you're aware and as prepared as you can be for its manifest twists and turns.  Time is your friend, but in the dark times it feels like your enemy.

tt

[lighter]

Mud:

You know where we are when you need to share the sadness, or how it feels to begin feeling better.

In the meantime, I hope you're breathing in the Spring air, and taking notice of the world again.

I know everything stops when you enter the struggle you've gone through.  The world passes you by, and you get used to letting it. 

It's OK to enter back into the world.... S would want you to.

lighter

[sea storm]

Kind of beautiful that real love goes so deep. C S Lewis writes that it is the price he is willing to pay.

Love is so important to thriving.

Good to hear you again Mudpuppy.    Mudpuppy is such a good name. That you can even talk about life renewing itself and having the handle on the iinside that you can control to let others in sounds really positive for letting love in. Too much suffering destroys a person physically, mentally, spiritually. Yesterday someone told me that the brain does not know the difference between physical and mental pain. And that aspirin helps for both. To break the cycle and the stuckness. I don't know but it sounds interesting.

If someone got their leg lopped off people would rush to help and do everything possible. For broken heart, not so much. Nevertheless, Love BIG.   If it comes along and you feel that oceanic, moon tugging, heart racing feeling just throw yourself off the cliff.  Or maybe its different.  Love is just is like a little bird that surprises you at your birdfeeder and you feel delighted at its spirit.  The movies don't portray it much. Just the sex part and it is so much more.

I don't get moving on.  It took me a year to be able to take me face off the ground and look up when my partner died. It is probably different if you had a partner who was a good person,loyal, kind, honest etc.

A

[sea storm]

Hmmm not done yet. .....  Sure makes me think. 

[mudpuppy]

It is probably different if you had a partner who was a good person,loyal, kind, honest etc.

I sometimes half seriously wish she hadn't been so perfect so I wouldn't miss her so much.
Since she was perfect and made me perfectly happy  I have to hope somewhere is another perfect girl like her, willing to take a chance on a very imperfect guy. Otherwise what's the point of it all?

mud

[sea storm]

What's the point of it all ?????????  You are a ittle sad old friend.

Mudpuppy.

You will definately find love again. It will be different but unimaginablly wonderful.


There is a little snail sitting beside my lamp. It's beautifully carved and old. He has his head out of his shell and has very long antennae. He can go back in his shell any time of course.

Besides you have the art of encourging women to ruffle their feathers in a lovely way. No kidding. There is flock of females here who just love to hear from you and want to know what you think and feel.  Look at Walter Mathau.  He was so imperfect and so adorable. Its just so bleak and hard to be alone if you aren't used to it. It is like eating rust. Someone told me that and its true. I am not good at it. But getting there. It doesn't hurt to be alone now.

[sea storm]

((((((((((((Mudpuppy))))))))))))))

[Hopalong]

Despite the anguish, Mud, might be too soon to be worrying about a replacement mate.

You have to heal first, and then see what the new shape is in you for a partner.

And that should take a while. Don't rush it. But DO make seek find good friends...

Are you seeing people, all sorts, plenty? Any risk of you self-isolating now?

I wish I could be there to drag you out for pizza and rambling yak.

Hops