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Uncomfortable about gifts
Twoapenny:
I feel uncomfortable about presents that I feel are over the top. I don't mean to sound or be ungrateful but something small - a pot plant or box of choccies - feels lovely. But I've received a couple of really expensive things in the last couple of weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Some of the things I received were food items and they were so big there was no way I'd get through them so I gave them away. Does anyone else feel like this? I don't know whether to just ignore it or if I should say something? Two friends want to buy things for my son that I had planned to get him. I don't mind at all someone else buying it, but one thing he's desperate for and we probably won't see them until after Christmas and I don't want him to be upset on the day. I don't know how to raise something like that with someone (it's very nice that you're buying my son a gift but can you make sure it's delivered before Christmas? Feels rude to me?). Another thing I'd planned to go out with him before Christmas and get it when we got the tree, it's something he's wanted for ages and I'd kind of got a little event planned, a friend has bought it and sent it today. Saying no thanks feels really rude but I feel a bit disappointed that we can't go out and do our little thing now. Does anyone else struggle with this sort of thing?
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on November 23, 2013, 01:17:57 PM ---I feel uncomfortable about presents that I feel are over the top. I don't mean to sound or be ungrateful but something small - a pot plant or box of choccies - feels lovely. But I've received a couple of really expensive things in the last couple of weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Some of the things I received were food items and they were so big there was no way I'd get through them so I gave them away. Does anyone else feel like this? I don't know whether to just ignore it or if I should say something? Two friends want to buy things for my son that I had planned to get him. I don't mind at all someone else buying it, but one thing he's desperate for and we probably won't see them until after Christmas and I don't want him to be upset on the day. I don't know how to raise something like that with someone (it's very nice that you're buying my son a gift but can you make sure it's delivered before Christmas? Feels rude to me?). Another thing I'd planned to go out with him before Christmas and get it when we got the tree, it's something he's wanted for ages and I'd kind of got a little event planned, a friend has bought it and sent it today. Saying no thanks feels really rude but I feel a bit disappointed that we can't go out and do our little thing now. Does anyone else struggle with this sort of thing?
--- End quote ---
Hi, Tupp.
From my limited perspective, it would have been nice if these friends had coordinated with you, FIRST, given that you are the mother and all instead of making decisions FOR you. I can see why it would be awkward. They meant well but it still created problems.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: teartracks on November 23, 2013, 09:26:54 PM ---
Hi Two,
--- Quote ---Two friends want to buy things for my son that I had planned to get him. I don't mind at all someone else buying it, but one thing he's desperate for and we probably won't see them until after Christmas and I don't want him to be upset on the day.
--- End quote ---
Would you feel comfortable purchasing the gifts you'd intended to give him as backups in case the ones they want to give him don't arrive on time. In either case, you should be able to return one of the sets?
--- Quote ---
I feel uncomfortable about presents that I feel are over the top. I don't mean to sound or be ungrateful but something small - a pot plant or box of choccies - feels lovely. But I've received a couple of really expensive things in the last couple of weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
--- End quote ---
This site has some pretty good pointers on what to do. I'm glad you brought up the question for I find myself in similar situations sometimes.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070118155530AA44uFK
tt
--- End quote ---
TT, that's brilliant, yes, could definitely buy him the gifts anyway in case of emergency! Hadn't thought of that, what a good idea, thank you.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that struggles with this sort of thing. It's not that they expect an expensive gift back, far from it. I'm not really sure why it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I feel bad giving things away, but friends came to visit last weekend and brought me so much booze and food I'd never have got through it all on my own so I passed it on.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: BonesMS on November 24, 2013, 05:48:18 AM ---
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on November 23, 2013, 01:17:57 PM ---I feel uncomfortable about presents that I feel are over the top. I don't mean to sound or be ungrateful but something small - a pot plant or box of choccies - feels lovely. But I've received a couple of really expensive things in the last couple of weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Some of the things I received were food items and they were so big there was no way I'd get through them so I gave them away. Does anyone else feel like this? I don't know whether to just ignore it or if I should say something? Two friends want to buy things for my son that I had planned to get him. I don't mind at all someone else buying it, but one thing he's desperate for and we probably won't see them until after Christmas and I don't want him to be upset on the day. I don't know how to raise something like that with someone (it's very nice that you're buying my son a gift but can you make sure it's delivered before Christmas? Feels rude to me?). Another thing I'd planned to go out with him before Christmas and get it when we got the tree, it's something he's wanted for ages and I'd kind of got a little event planned, a friend has bought it and sent it today. Saying no thanks feels really rude but I feel a bit disappointed that we can't go out and do our little thing now. Does anyone else struggle with this sort of thing?
--- End quote ---
I think it's because it's done with the best/right intentions that I find it hard to do anything other than just feel uncomfortable and keep quiet! I suppose one thing that goes through my mind is that none of my friends spend any time with my son and that would mean more than an expensive gift? I don't know if I'm just being a bit daft about the whole thing.
Hi, Tupp.
From my limited perspective, it would have been nice if these friends had coordinated with you, FIRST, given that you are the mother and all instead of making decisions FOR you. I can see why it would be awkward. They meant well but it still created problems.
--- End quote ---
gratitude28:
Tup,
I am ALWAYS uncomfortable about big gifts. I am even sometimes uncomfortable with gifts in general. As you can imagine, gift giving in our house was always super stressful - NM bought us stuff we didn't like and then got mad whether we used it or not. Dad could be passive aggressive and never felt he got the right thing. My sister was always caring and thoughtful in gifts - she gets what she knows a person loves. NM tossed my gifts aside after proclaiming something about them - bad or good...
If I have someone I trust fully, I love giving and receiving gifts - my sister, my kids, my husband. But even then, we never go overboard - for years my husband and I didn't give each other gifts since out money was tight and we were both more than fine with that.
I agree with Bones that in this situation, I think your friends should have checked with you first. For my niece and nephew, I generally run bigger items through my sister first to make sure she hasn't gotten them or thinks they will like the gift.
Never a bad question...
xxoo Beth
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