Author Topic: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3  (Read 2853 times)

moonlight60

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Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« on: January 21, 2014, 03:30:30 PM »
Hi Everyone....

I have been away.... In that time I have found compassion for everyone in my family...only took me 60 years to pick up every stitch. Sometimes I think well this is not what I signed up for...well maybe I did ...somehow...learned a lot....My blaming others for my feelings is over....If only I could learn to turn that understanding and love towards myself now !!!!!...lots of details to "my story" ...The biggest one is my oldest daughter is married and has been for three years...also I am first time Grammie My grand-daughter is 8 weeks old and "cute as a Betsy bug" as my southern Momma used to say....Mr. Moon and I are over the Moon...lol ...

I have missed everyone here ...and have read VESM weekly....

Love and Light to All

Thanks Dr.G ...for everything you do .

Moonlight60

mudpuppy

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2014, 07:20:56 PM »
Nice to hear from you Moon and thank you for what you said about my girl over on the other thread.

mud

Sela

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2014, 10:59:00 PM »
It is good to look in and see your post Moon. 

Your words got me thinking of how time passes and things change and we either change too…..how we see things…..how we react……..or not.

Well, I should say….how I see and react because, ofcourse, I can't speak for anyone else but when I read what you said about it taking 60 years…..

Yep……it's taken me a long, long time too…..I love how you put it……"to pick up every stitch".   I think I may have missed a few and there are definite
errors that maybe are not that noticeable but that I know are there.   Ok.  I'm really on a roll here now:  It's a piece of work eh?  This living.


I'm glad your life sounds like it's working out just fine and oh…..isn't it wonderful to be a granny?  It's nice to think of you and Mr. Moon way up there…..over the moon!!!

You always bring a smile to my heart, Moon.   :)

Sela

moonlight60

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2014, 12:42:40 PM »
Dear Sela

Back around full circle moon without fear....

Well maybe not every stitch.....but the big ones....finally there is compassion a love between my father and I...I am very lucky he lived to be 90 and he is  sharp as ever....I feel grateful for everything..."good & bad"...and sorta managed to place my arms around both in an embrace....no resistance....What really, really  helped  me was I went to a different Doctor ...that treats P.T.S.D. ...it is not just combat that can cause P.T.S.D....She said I am not bipolar but suffered P.T.S.D. from childhood experiences and my twin's sudden death...she used  Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can also help to reprogram brain circuitry so that patients can recall traumatic events with less emotional resonance...It was wonderful (and hard work) and let me see that the trauma I have experienced was just sad for everyone...and led me to an epiphany ...a release of "old stuff " and the ability to see myself in others more deeply.....work in progress...finally jumped the big one......the biggest hurdle was compassion for Dad...finally it is real....something I have always wanted even when I seemed the most hurt...from believing he did not love me... to now seeing he does....that is the Miracle we both have wanted and could never quite manage....My dearest Momma would have been proud...well maybe she is ......


so much love and then more....blessings to you...and LOVE never fails....<3 love and light.......a grateful Moon

moonlight60

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2014, 01:06:00 PM »
Dear Sela...


P.S.   
  What I forgot to say is I am now trying hard to forgive myself...for my screw ups ...and there were plenty...getting on in years  to cause too much trouble....forgiving my self is what I want to do ...that lets you love others even bigger....well anyway I sure am no saint...just ask Mr. Moon....he says he puts up with me because I am not boring...My Momma told me never be boring...so there is my saving grace...I guess????? hahahahah lol

Love to you ...do you still like to ride your motorcycle on trips ????
love never fails...My oldest daughter said I went into a 5 year Cocoon and came out "the love bomb" she's so funny !!!!!

Hopalong

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2014, 05:54:27 PM »
Moon, what a JOY to hear from you again!
I am totally thrilled for you. It all makes so much sense.

WHAT deep work and healing you've been doing.

And I'm with your daughter...except that I always thought you were a love bomb.

Much love and delight,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

moonlight60

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2014, 11:28:53 PM »
Hops....

Your kind words are so wonderful to hear....well I do not know who I thought I was ....sometimes confused sometimes angry ...everything in between...
mostly I remember being afraid....and trying to hide it...my fear is less than ever...
Hops.... I always remembered you saying if you are blue or sad go out and volunteer....I did that...... I joined a group that helps teenagers and young kids to understand Bullying.....something sadly I know all too well.
And I owe you so very much for that understanding.....you helped me in my healing process.... well I am a work in progress ....a lot less fear.
So Dear Hops... thank you so much for your kindness and wise words.......
and your beautiful soaring free soul...

Love and Light Always,
Moon

Sela

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2014, 11:32:19 PM »
Wow!  Moon!  As Hops put it:  that does sound like a lot of work!  (Hiya Hops!).

But well worth it, as you say.  Now you have peace!  What a reward!  That's wonderful!

As to your next goal…..you are only human Moon.  You have to screw up, some times.  It's impossible not to eh?
It's a challenge to work on this forgiving oneself stuff though for sure.  Why do so many have such a hard time with that?
Why do people expect or accept more…better….less screw ups….. from themselves than others?  I think a lot of people do that.

Keep working on it, Moon, and you'll get there.  Look how far you've come?

As for me…….ride a motor cycle?  Nope.  Not me.  Must be confused with someone else.  I have an aversion to motor cycles because my brother had
a very bad accident on one. Permanent  brain damage.  Not pretty and didn't turn out well.  Give me 4 wheels over two anytime!!

 Maybe you were thinking of my hubby's tractors and bull dozer etc?  If so, yes, we
still have a parade day, every year.  We invite a bunch to join us with wagons full of people.  We usually go for a few hours tractor pulling wagons ride, often to a certain destination. like
a park or a country museum….once, even an art gallery, hidden away in a barn!!  We bring a lunch, enjoy the ride, visit the destination and then return for a bar-b-que and corn roast.
It's fun but the people are getting older and it's hard to get the younger ones interested.  Tractors are slow, you know.  :?  Not very exciting.  Oh…..but the feel of the warm breeze and the smells of hay and the cow stuff…….the lovely sights that you get to see because you are driving by so slowly……are all wonderful!   :)   I look forward to it every year!

moonlight60

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2014, 11:55:25 PM »
Oh Sela ...How very sorry I am....My twin brother passed from a motorcycle accident...Oh please do forgive me.......Our brothers lost to us ....oh how can you forgive my getting mixed up?????.....I hate motorcycles...we were 27 when my twin passed ...oh dear I am so sorry...well stupid me......crying.....too too sorry to say anything.....but forgive me.....I did not understand our experience was so ...awe geez ...so very sorry....

sad moon for being so dumb ....

moon

Sela

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2014, 03:17:21 PM »
Oh no, no, no Moon!  Not to worry!

How would you know?  There is no way.

What happened to my brother was a very long, long time ago and though he was severely hurt, he is still alive.
He is a completely different person and most people would think he is a bit odd but…….not awful by far.
I see and hear from him depending on his mood.   For me, it's not like having a brother but rather an acquaintance who
chooses when we will visit.  I don't push it, with him and just accept things as they are.   What else can I do?  He has brain damage.

So, it is I who is sorry Moon, for your loss of your brother.  I didn't know about him either but still I'm sorry to hear
we have both experienced similar tragedy involving motor cycles.  They are sure dangerous machines but so are all machines, really, eh?

In your case, to lose a twin, in the prime of life, must have been such a huge, horrible loss.  I'm so sorry Moon.  Really I am.  This is something
so painful for you, I'm sure.  Your brother would be proud of you, I bet.  For moving on and struggling to find peace in life.  Great job Moon!


Don't feel stupid or dumb, Moon.  You are neither of those.  You're just a person with no way of knowing everything.  No one can eh?


Sela

moonlight60

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2014, 07:37:25 PM »
Dearest Sela......

 Yes when my twin passed I experienced...no self state...it was long ago ..but I do miss him so....but he is with me always ...in my "heart pocket".
I did not know our experience was similar......It was a great loss......but we loved each other so very much ...that I am grateful to have experienced
so much love...


Love you thank you for your kindness and understanding...

Moon


Sela

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2014, 10:44:33 AM »
Well Moon,

They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Yep.  The value of loving, feeling love, feeling loved is priceless and precious.

Something not easily forgotten either  eh?  Good thing to carry in your "heart pocket" Moon!

 :)

Sela

moonlight60

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #12 on: January 25, 2014, 10:57:15 PM »
Sela....

Yes...the love...is there...when he passed it was then I learned ...
to say I LOVE YOU.....often..as I could.
And not easily forgotten .....
Love never fails...

moon
:)


Izzy_*now*

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #13 on: January 26, 2014, 02:13:06 PM »
finally there is compassion... a love... I feel grateful for everything..."good & bad"...and sorta managed to place my arms around both in an embrace....no resistance....What really, really  helped  me was I went to a different Doctor ...that treats P.T.S.D. ...it is not just combat that can cause P.T.S.D....She said I am not bipolar but suffered P.T.S.D. from childhood experiences and my twin's sudden death...she used  Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can also help to reprogram brain circuitry so that patients can recall traumatic events with less emotional resonance...It was wonderful (and hard work) and let me see that the trauma I have experienced was just sad for everyone...and led me to an epiphany ...a release of "old stuff " and the ability to see myself in others more deeply.....work in progress...

Hiya moonlight,

This is exactly what I have needed, as I have learned on my own that I have been traumatized since childhood, both emotionally and physically, but no one had diagnosed anything  in me, and in particular, not PTSD.

I never held out any hope that my life could be normal. Now I am 75 (in April) with basically no family: just a few new friends, 2000 miles from what used to be home. I guess i just ran away to start over.......but I ran away with an, unknown to me, Narcissist.

What you now present regarding your healing still seems out of reach for me, but I live a different life now....no close sibling ties, and no contact with daughter and 3 grandchildren.

Part of me was left behind in the many songs I wrote in the years after 1991. I have shared the lyrics of 3 of them with a nice woman I met in Rehab here, and she, plus her husband and daughter, are gripped in the heart by these lyrics. I've never had that reaction from the principals involved with the demos of them, or my family or friends. I soon kept them all to myself. I have about 200 songs, so I intend, when I get home, to go back over them and see "Who really wrote them"............... if you catch  my drift!

I'll follow up on this when I am in better position at home.

Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

moonlight60

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Re: Hi I have been gone awhile ....Moonlight <3
« Reply #14 on: January 26, 2014, 04:36:54 PM »
Hiya  Izzy....

Yes the process of EMDR...worked for me...gently it lets you "see" images of past trauma without the usual emotional pain that is

associated with the trauma....There are many methods used ...the one my Doctor used was a head phone that played music of
my choice and the sound flashes in one ear then the other back and forth....I was quickly hypnotized...then the work began as
pictures of past painful memories were relived without emotional pain...sort looking as an observer....and I worked on everything

starting at birth until 60 my Doctor asked questions and helped me to see with compassionate eyes....it only took 1 year...and I was so much better...underneath the pain was my real self...It was a lifetime of stuff not processed...this is used for Vets...but anyone that has suffered trauma can be relieved of emotional pain.....I believe.

Hope you are feeling better soon!!!!

Love,
moon