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The Same

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Hopalong:
Thanks, (((((((Lighter))))).

I understand, SFalken. I know you're not "stuck."
I too, will forever have an emotional limp. Big one.

I think it's okay. I lost a lot of innocence but I can still wonder.
I lost a lot of ability to trust but I can still love.

My expectations about love and family got peeled away until
there was nothing left. Something had to change, so I just
endured, kept going through the motions of healing (church,
friends, therapy) until in time, I saw that some healing had
taken place. Also changed my idea of family.

The rest of my life is going to be a lot quieter. I found out
I can't force anything or fix anything that is not mine to fix.
Even with love. I lost some faith, too. I'm sad about that.

So I got a dog. We are in a mutual N-supply loop.
Funny how great that is with a 20-pound extruded
length of fur that should've stopped 4 inches shorter.
She is officially The Cutest Dog in the...etc. And I, with
my Nspots, am some sort of Goddess. When I come home,
it's a revelation every night that I can produce such gladness.

Good enough.

:)
Hops

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