Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Work woes
Hopalong:
Thank you invisible Amazons, so much!
Well, I flunked the "never let them see you upset" rule by a mile, and got teary in the meeting,
but managed to bring along my sane ally, Gman (though Nboss tried everything to set it up so
it would be "inconvenient" for him to come along). So we got to skip the forced meditation.
But I did get emotional, told Nboss I had felt completely thrown under the bus by his dismissive
reaction, defended my own perspective, etc.
I survived. But do wish I could leave. I'm almost 64 and just can't afford to, since I'd never
find another job here that could even half replace my salary ... there are bennies here I have
to hang in for, unfortunately. Again, though, the difference is having both witnesses and allies.
The writing idea is extremely compelling, and I do have a memoir in mind that could be very
therapeutic to write whether it's ever published or not. Giving it serious thought.
Current crisis seems over...a few touchy-feely (without the touchy) exercises coming up,
but with the full group, which is much less threatening to me than the private meetings.
So I'll survive.
Just nearly lost it this time, and explained to Nboss it was because after he'd sent Pman
to therapy and the behavior went away for a year, I'd thought it was over, so didn't have
my guard up. Was totally unprepared and too slow to spot the shivving coming.
Made my cooperation and seriousness clear, despite the few tears, and it wasn't awful.
But I'm sickened (re-sickened) by the cycle.
I think Nboss has a few surprises coming...among them, that my other "ally" who is super
bright and creative and a huge asset, is looking for another job. Doesn't appreciate his
tiny salary with two young kids. Duh.
Thank you all of you for hearing and validating me.
love,
Hops
lighter:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on March 12, 2014, 10:22:42 AM ---
Well, I flunked the "never let them see you upset" rule by a mile, and got teary in the meeting,
but managed to bring along my sane ally, Gman (though Nboss tried everything to set it up so
it would be "inconvenient" for him to come along). So we got to skip the forced meditation.
Hops, why did you get to skip the forced meditation?
But I did get emotional, told Nboss I had felt completely thrown under the bus by his dismissive
reaction, defended my own perspective, etc. What was Nboss response?
I survived. But do wish I could leave. I'm almost 64 and just can't afford to, since I'd never
find another job here that could even half replace my salary ... there are bennies here I have
to hang in for, unfortunately. Again, though, the difference is having both witnesses and allies.
What was Gman's response to the meeting?
The writing idea is extremely compelling, and I do have a memoir in mind that could be very
therapeutic to write whether it's ever published or not. Giving it serious thought. It would be like excising demons, IME.
Current crisis seems over...a few touchy-feely (without the touchy) exercises coming up,
but with the full group, which is much less threatening to me than the private meetings. Is anyone in the office happy about these exercises?
So I'll survive.
Just nearly lost it this time, and explained to Nboss it was because after he'd sent Pman
to therapy and the behavior went away for a year, I'd thought it was over, so didn't have
my guard up. Was totally unprepared and too slow to spot the shivving coming. Again, what was Nboss' response to that statement? lighter
love,
Hops
--- End quote ---
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---Hops, why did you get to skip the forced meditation?
--- End quote ---
Because Nboss senses the professionalism of Gman (he's our sole MBA) and wouldn't bother forcing it on
him alone w/me. He just did it with me alone with Pman-devotee because that's his notion of "preparing" us to talk.
--- Quote ---What was Nboss response?
--- End quote ---
Blank face. Maybe a small flicker of discomfort or distress. Couldn't be sure.
--- Quote ---What was Gman's response to the meeting?
--- End quote ---
He just said he was glad he could support me. And in the meeting he made clear, though
without dramatics, that he did. He had to go off to plan his grandpa's funeral. I was so grateful.
I don't imagine any knight-in-armor behavior, but his behind-the-scenes support has meant a lot.
I'm not asking him to confront Nboss for me, because he has to tend to his own position's safety too.
(Although in a way I did, by asking him to come even though Nboss was trying to avoid that, and
asking him to speak freely since we might not get another chance. He did, though quietly. And
that was okay. I understand it's awkward for him to show support for me, and he did anyway.)
--- Quote --- It would be like excising demons, IME.
--- End quote ---
And, it might even be fun. I have SO many anecdotes and character studies I could do.
--- Quote --- Is anyone in the office happy about these exercises?
--- End quote ---
I doubt it. Pman, the golden Nsociopathchild, metaphorically claps like a seal at everything Nboss initiates, so he appears to like them. I strongly
doubt anyone else does. Nboss is not open to mutiny, however, and it's an unwritten rule that nobody objects. This guru-stuff and "spiritual leadership"
pose is in Nboss' DNA, which everyone can sense. So nobody complains (payback would be fierce, and he's still the majority owner and we all still
need our jobs). So we all just suck it up and endure them. I know my other ally hates these mediations a lot, but he's not going to say anything.
--- Quote ---Again, what was Nboss' response to that statement? lighter
--- End quote ---
Same thing: Blank face. Maybe a trace of discomfort or distress, etc... Ns don't usually reveal much. His responses are pretty robotic.
lighter:
As I was reading your response, Hops, I was thinking what an absurd waste of time it is for your boss to allow employee on employee hostilities to overtake the office, without addressing it in a meaningful way that stops it in it's tracks.
The chaos that's allowed to rule, the inflammatory e mails, the backbiting, the baseless accusations....... until N boss sweeps in with his awkward meditative mediations and save the day, is so very skewed. No wonder Nboss wouldn't force it down Gman's throat....it sounds crazy. I hope Nboss got to hear that Gman thinks the sycophant is the problem, and too much time is being wasted NOT dealing with him. Pffft.
That office is a playground for pd's, and the following saying comes to mind......
"Nobody has more fun than people and (flying)monkeys.
The flying monkeys in your office have way too much time on their hands.
::shaking head::
I'm so hoping your office ends up with a benign, if not fair, leader very soon.
From where I'm sitting, I don't really think your job was on the line, or that a true crisis was afoot, though I know exactly how it feels to be attacked, and threatened with malice like that.
We respond the same, no matter how real the threat is.
I wonder if we can train ourselves to NOT react in the future? No adrenaline dumps. No upset. No fear, or emotional upheaval?
lighter
Meh:
Well on my work front there was an improvement today...
The guy who was talking about genitals and prostitutes etc. etc. etc. well he finally pissed a customer off so bad that he got fired. He got his own arse fired. :)
I am so relieved, honestly I couldn't believe that it took so long. He was so rude, every time he walked by me I didn't make contact with him.
There was another lady where I work who told me that he made her really uncomfortable also and I had no idea about it, she is one of the senior people there.
This is going to make my days just a little bit more tolerable and happy at work... yay yaya yaya
Things can and do change it small ways.... sometimes
This doesn't improve your situation at all but I feel like it's a little hurrah for what is "right in the world"
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