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Work woes

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Hopalong:
Though I've been lucky and have never been raped nor beaten with fists in my life, to me...this dynamic when it flares causes me to think of those things. It is extremely intimidating and even strikes me as a bit...evil.

Nboss just wants to quash it. He made us both sit in a tight circle with him, nearly knee to knee, and guided us through a "mediation" (no choice--close eyes--listen to boss tell you what to do with your body, your thoughts, etc) and y'all know how much I love THAT). Because it is not voluntary and he is using his power to force it, that feels like a psychological invasion to me, intensely.

I tried to breathe in compassion and breathe out peace, etc. Was relaxed and composed. But when PMan spoke, I felt that nothing was different...he puts on a "Bambi eyes" act in front of Nboss. It is honestly a horrible feeling.

And I guess that just means the old cycle is recurring and I need to focus on the fact that I am a strong, adult woman with the power to say No. I will never again reply or participate in an email chain with PMan where his aggression and hostility are building. If he does it again my hope is I'll be able to quickly respond: "Hi PMan, I would like to have a conversation with you or help answer your questions. Please give me a call so we can speak one on one. Thank you."

I guess I'll handle it that way. And then, after writing something like that, I'll just stop responding. Maybe even block his email for a while until it passes.

It is a sick feeling. And the way he CC'd everyone he could think of reminded me so much of being bullied as a child. There's no mistaking it.

Last night I could feel some chest pain, it's hard to let go of it. But I am strong and I will not allow him to bring me down.

Hops

lighter:
Hops:

Your job sounds like opportunity after opportunity to resolve every pd issue you ever had, and never had, IMO.

::shaking head::

I'm late on this, but sending you all the strength, stoicism, and appropriate Amazonian weapons of clever assertiveness I can lend to the cause.

lighter

Meh:
gosh, doing a guided meditation doesn't identify the actions/behaviors that could be changed in order to change the scenario

yah it's not very professional to do a guided meditation pretty quacko-whacko


I used to take yoga classes where the instructor would keep talking non-stop during guided meditations and it annoyed the heck out of me. so yah I get what you mean 

it's not guided meditation> instead invasion     doesn't change a thing   

Hopalong:
Thanks Boat, Tupp, Lighter. Means a lot to have some company to vent it all with.

Doing better, moving through it. Today I work with just one other, big ole country lady
who loves my pooch (so I take pooch along). It'll be a quiet day. My goal is to get my
desk tidied up and make a priority list of tasks for the next month. (My desk is a shambles.)

I recorded 3 TV spots yesterday. That's fun. I write the script, pull the images together,
then go to the studio and record the voiceover with the engineer. Now and then my
friends will say, I heard your voice coming from the television! It's funny. My voice
used to be all female Ted Willliams [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cl_fMxQCTw]
but with age (and allergies), it's getting faintly crackly -- a wee subtle rasp. So every
time I broadcast, I cross my fingers it'll hold out a while longer since it's a good skill
to market.

Huh. I said "market." That sounds like someone who's subconsciously interested in
WORKING AT A GOL-DARN DIFFERENT PLACE, doesn't it?

I do have support at work and it's from the future CEO of the place, so I know that
if I hang in there and stand up for myself...one day, there may be a better situation.

I'm beginning to calm down. I think this round felt worse in a way because PMan had
not come after me for a year. I had dropped my guard and when he attacked it was
more painful and shocking -- had a more traumatic effect since I'd started to think
he wouldn't ever bully me again. Whoooooops.

Off to get ready and thank you again for the support...must get tedious when I
recycle the same issues on here!

love
Hops

Meh:
:-)

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