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Scared of what other people think

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sea storm:
It sounds like you are feeling a lot of anxiety which feels like losing your mind if its intense enough. As for trusting a therapist .... you can request that you don't want notes taken. Many therapists don't take notes for the very reasons you mentioned. Those notes can be supoenad.  Once I was suppoenad ( spelling??) by the offender in a rape case. I was there in court with three other therapists who had all seen the survivor.  I decided to say that i had no notes.  What notes?  And they sent me home.

Rape counselors are usually aware of these problems. A good counselor often prefers to work more with the present and doesn't need a lot of notes. The client leads the way and knows where she needs to go.

There used to be a lot of talk about splitting and multiple personalities that was laden with intense drama and viewed this as pathology and implicitly a bad thing.  It made the poor person experiencing these feelings out of control and at the mercy of these alters. Now this has changed and is much more compassionate and views these different aspects of a person as PARTS. If you were really "insane" you would need to be hospitalized NOW.  These would be a convergence of symptoms and physical difficulties that would render you capable of hurting yourself or others.

The really sad thing to me is that people who are good people and have been pushed past their breaking point are often perceived as crazy. They sound that way and they act that way. Especially in child protection cases or child custody battles.So just for self protection it is better to keep the big feelings to share with people who are psychologically minded and educated.  I agree that most people can't handle big feelings or even moderately big feelings at all.

Good to be here and with people who open up and share what is in their hearts.

Sea Storm

sKePTiKal:
Hi Penny, nice to see you and everyone.

I can certainly connect with your original post. Has that lightened up any since then? I came by to try to say something similar about me, but since you already started on this topic...  allow me to butt in with my 3 cents (inflation)...  :D

I finally offloaded my 16 "twiggy" journals a month ago, kinda for the reason that no one would understand how OLD some of those feelings were and that what I wrote in the "present tense" was simply emotional processing of those old situations and relationships. My writing was simply a wide open throttle, carte blanche opportunity to finally, in minute excruciating detail - intellectually & emotionally - process that old experience, to the point that it became a dry, dusty fact: on Mar 15, 1968 - this happened to me, and started a whole chain reaction of other "unfortunate incidents".

I didn't feel anything at all about letting them go. I just didn't want "stuff" taking up that shelf anymore. No rituals; just time to load up a trash bag.

The idea of developing an outer personality that protects, guards and defends our "inner marshmallow" that feels deeply and never, ever wants to experience again what she did so long ago is one that describes me, too. She's a fierce, hypervigilant, amazon bitch too!! ;) To the point, that she might be a tad "overprotective", I think. Some new friends were talking about something similar and coined the phrase "emotional vacumn", talking about how their early relationships/childhoods were. That's an apt term, I think -- and it's where this outer "guardian angel" personality got her hard shell. She means well, but she's too good at her self-assigned task - and at that extreme, she's an impediment; gets in the way of my "today" feelings and what I want to be able to do. And she doesn't rate emotions highly on the priority list - unless they're defensive.

It wasn't safe for me - at all - to have my own emotions unless they were given the "good housekeeping seal of approval" by mom. The fact that I've pulled away from her and guard against her fiercely is interpreted by her, as me being "independent" -- go figure!! That would be hilarious, if it wasn't so deadly. She absolutely doesn't get the "why". Emotions aren't always "rational" or "logical"... and sometimes in the direct, dynamic experience of the here & now... I have a hard time remembering that other people aren't like my mom; they won't respond to me - being me - the way she did. But that's JUST what the guardian is looking for and expecting. When all you've got is a hammer: everything looks like a nail, you know?

I have to learn how to intentionally take the guardian aside... and tell her that these people or this situation is "safe" and she can stand down for the time being. Otherwise, "I" never get to go out and play!!  And coincidentally... I just realized that the 15th is coming up next weekend which is probably what brought this up for me - now. I wasn't at all aware of this subliminal thought process going on; I've got all the kids coming next weekend for hubs' 60th birthday party (and he's starting to have mortality worries, don't you know...). I've been having the awfullest time trying to put my "fun" hat on - because of this old, ancient history "anniversary".

Now: what can I come up with in 4 days? (His D will be here Wed...)

Hopalong:
Big posterboard, white, several sizes but all big.

Multiple gorgeous sets of the best fingerpaints you can find. Order rush on Amazon if necessary.

Nobody leaves your house to go home until they have rolled up their sleeves, occupied a square of floor or counter, and let 'er rip.

Then you get to hang a whole bunch of AWESOME, JOYFUL "art" for as long as it makes you happy. Me, I'd cover my kitchen walls with it. IDEA for a spring PARTY! Woo hoo!

(I just love my own advice....which doesn't mean anybody else should take it.)

I think for me fingerpaints are a revolutionary experience....

xxoo
Hops

lighter:
Hi Amber:

Are the children going to be there?

We had THE best family reunion Pirate Party one summer, and that was with everyone sweating their mustaches off.

This time of year, you could have an even better party, I bet.

We cut up those little cheap furry mustaches from Oriental Trading, (next day air for you if still time I guess) and got creative.... goatees, big black eyebrows, sideburns, pirate earrings, and bandannas, the earrings, medallions, pirate chest for kiddies, etc.....

THE best photo ops.  Nothing like a group of adults having as much fun as the children, which is how it went for us the first year..... the second year, the magic was gone, but I still think it's a great ONE TIME party.

lighter 

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