This 4 minutes has literally RESCUED me

[Hopalong]

Take time to watch this if you can.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmA37AnlIno

I think you all will understand how much it helps in my situation with my estranged D.

But it could apply to any experience of rejection.

(I'm agnostic but it didn't matter.)

Does this help anybody?

love,
Hops

[Ales2]

 

Hi Hops,

Yes, the "gift of goodbye" is especially true for me as well. Its a very helpful concept. Its a paradoxical opposite with - do everything possible, because the pain of regret for inaction/passivity can be strong.

Thanks for posting it. Hope you are doing well.

Best wishes.

[Hopalong]

thanks, Ales.
I shared it with my T this morning.

I've had a funny response to this. But it has helped SO much.

What I can describe is that from the very first phrase he said,
"If someone can walk away from you, let them walk" -- something
just instantly responded, inside me.

It was like I had been waiting for that message. I felt an instantaneous
healing of a small piece of my self-esteem. It was like, he wasn't blaming
or judging or explaining, he was just saying, RELEASE THIS OUTCOME.

There's no explaining how/why it hit me the way it did...maybe part of
it is that I grew up in the South with many strong feelings of trust for
the African Americans I encountered in my young life...something about
them understanding pain that I knew without it being said. So for some
reason, this A-A preacher (though I'm not of his faith) -- reached my sore
heart.

It didn't remove the pain, it will still come and go, but it gave me an ANSWER
for myself. Because it rang true. It really was a comfort. He was giving me
permission, in that moment, to let go of the grief.

It'll come back. It does. But his 4-minute message is so powerful for me.
I beleive that I can play that over and over. Any time I am sinking further
into the pain. It will help me re-release her, let her go...understand that
life and meaning and worth, for both of us, are all part of something much
larger than her suffering and her estrangement. Or than my suffering.

He just helps me, in that clip, to let it go.

Thanks for watching it, and letting me talk about it more.

love,
Hops

[Ales2]

Hi Hops - Thanks for your comments, but thanks to you for posting it. I found it helpful too. When my self esteem is in a good place, some events seem to shift in perspective for me, instead of feeling a loss or discarded when a friendship ends or is interrupted/corrupted by a third party, I feel better about me and think its their loss, not mine. Thats sometimes a big difference. This video helps with that for sure.

There is that old saying which seems to apply to your discovery with this - "when the student is ready the teacher appears".  This guy was your teacher for this specific lesson, it seems.

I like YouTube for these little gems - there are alot out there.  Literally type in a key word and you can find some interesting and valuable stuff. So much for telling wise old tales at the campfire.

Hugs to you, Hops.

[Twoapenny]

I can see what you mean, Hops.  I still struggle with this sort of thing, but I'm trying!  I do tend to focus more on the past then I do on the here and now.  I'm trying to change that.  I think I still have fear and feel that if I learn from my mistakes I won't make them again.  But mistakes are part of life and all I'm really doing is not living.  Trying to change!  I'm glad this helped you, I hope it continues to be another tool in your box to pull out as and when.

Lots of love xxx

[lighter]

Hops:

I'm glad you found some peace in that message. 

I did too.

Thank you for posting it here.

I want to share this poem with you... for some reason this thread made me think of it.
Lighter

SHE LET GO

 
She let go. Without a thought or word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the "right" reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn't ask anyone for advice.

 
She didn't read a book on how to let go.
She didn't search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all the memories that held her back.
She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all the calculations about how to do it just right.

 
She didn't promise to let go.
She didn't journal about it.
She didn't write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn't check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.

 
She didn't analyze whether she should let go.
She didn't call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn't do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn't call the prayer line.
She didn't utter one word.
She just let go.

 
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

 
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn't good and it wasn't bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.

 
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forever more.

                                                                                ~~Ernest Holmes

[Hopalong]

Oh, that's an amazing poem, Lighter...
to
the
point.

THANK YOU!

xxoo
Hops

[Ales2]

Bumping this up because I used it again today....

I am very thankful for all the people who have left my life. I learned a lesson from almost all of them, which I dont care to revisit.

[Hopalong]

I feel happy knowing someone else is helped by that moment.

I've got it bookmarked...lost count of the mornings when it just infused my grieving heart with courage again.

(I also get such a kick out of the rhythms, and the buildup...like his little skippy-step when he says, "It's not that
I'm hateful [skip-step}..it's that I'm faithful [skip-step]...) Makes me smile. He's masterful!

(I also like, "Don't worry about my [hoarse] voice, ain't nothing wrong with my HEAD!"  )

It's not a theology nor a worship style I'm part of, but this little segment is so meaningful to me!

xxoo
Hops

[lighter]

I really liked this poem, and so I'm bumping it back onto the current board: )

Lighter



SHE LET GO

 
She let go. Without a thought or word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the "right" reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn't ask anyone for advice.

 
She didn't read a book on how to let go.
She didn't search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all the memories that held her back.
She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all the calculations about how to do it just right.

 
She didn't promise to let go.
She didn't journal about it.
She didn't write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn't check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.

 
She didn't analyze whether she should let go.
She didn't call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn't do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn't call the prayer line.
She didn't utter one word.
She just let go.

 
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

 
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn't good and it wasn't bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.

 
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forever more.

                                                                                ~~Ernest Holmes



[/quote]

[Meh]

when people can walk away from you let them walk


nars are absent yet never go away... because they leave a hole behind..

if only it was that simple

but heck they are gone anyhow in some way




I could see how maybe it's an empowering message. Don't focus on the people who turned their back on you.

It's making sense

It kind of reminds me of "let go and let god"... IDK

[sea storm]

There is so much that helps the pain of loss in this.  Let go and let God.  When it is too  much to bear this is good to know and good to live. I have not been very good at this but every bit I can do helps.

Lots of love
Sea Storm