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Malingering?

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Ales2:
As you might remember from my previous posts, I had a bad experience with a therapist. A well trained one, qualified in NMother issues. Wrote a book about it, I liked what he wrote, so I found him and saw him weekly over a 2 year period, then quit, then went back over another 2 year period for two "follow up" visits and then got him to meet the NMother, hoping he'd question her and get an idea of what she was like, instead, he got her to pay for a couple of sessions and saw me instead. Very angry, still, about that.

Problem is I am still struggling with the same problems (jobs and relationships), but feel if I saw him, he would think I am malingering rather than struggling with actual problems. He gave me a lecture about personal responsibility which was kind of insulting since I had been self sufficient for over 20 years before all the nonsense happened. Now I am in the gutter and have been for five years and have been trying to pull myself out of it, but have been unable to do it. I gain nothing by being out of work, I lose far more than I gain, but I think he believes I am simply choosing not to work or its become to easy for me to avoid work. Yes, I have a procrastination problem, but the real problem is I have applied for many jobs and its almost impossible to get a job in my business with a connection to vouch for my skills and experience level. Just applying is not enough, I network and do all sorts of other things but interviews for work are just not coming.

How does a therapist tell malingering from actual problems and struggle?  Dr G?  Thoughts please!

Meh:
Oh hell.... we are all malingering and struggling.   My last roommate was a therapist and I could hear her giving therapy sessions through my bedroom wall. I know patient confidentially issue right... because she was making a bedroom into her home office. She moved her therapist plaque around the house into three different rooms whenever she wanted to play therapist..

I had to tell her to flush the turds down the toilet.. what the hell? She told me the toilet was broken and it was not.  I think it was some kind of bizarre passive aggressive thing because what adult doesn't flush the toilet and then lies about the reason for not doing so.

I swear therapists are just other people running a business that have a "canned language" repertoire...   I know there are probably some awesome ones out there but hey most are just making a buck in my opinion. I went to 10 before I just decided to cope on my own.

But my rant has nothing to do with you (just my own junk). I think a lot of people here have probably asked themselves  the question of re-hashing versus coping.

Maybe a BIG part of struggling and coping and dealing IS rehashing... for real I think it is.

I think the term-malingering means fake illness. But I think what you mean is kind of like obsessing over the same issues?

Honestly some things in life are like chronic conditions. IF something is causing on-going emotional anguish it is a chronic condition right?

Hell I stopped taking anti-depressants and started writing on here about the issues that I have never resolved and still bare on my soul in some way.

Ales2:
Malingering is supposed to mean feigning sickness or an inability to work, attend school, attend to one's responsibilities for secondary gain, specifically money.

In my case, when I lost my job, I went through a year on my own, drained my own savings. I had to ask my mother for help. She had maintained that my father died broke and we inherited nothing, so I really thought when I hit bottom, she would not be able to help much more than a month or two.  I actually expected her to tell me to move home (I was 40 when this happened and it was devastating, but happening all over the country to plenty of other people) Then the weirdest thing happened, I got into an argument with someone I was trying to do business with and a mentor friend  told me about Nism and who treated me this way before. Easy answer. My mother.  I had just discovered she was an N. So here is where it gets weird. While researching Nism, and I eliminated it against all other personality disorders, Im pretty sure thats what she is. During that time, I stumbled onto the therapists book, who later became the therapist I was seeing.  A month later, in a conversation with my brother, we argued, he thinks Mom is a borderline, I think N, but we agree that she has a disorder and so here I am, unemployed at 40 with a newly discovered N mother who is now paying my rent. This is where the deep dark hole starts. This is where the secondary gain comes in. I think the T thinks I am unemployed b/c I want to stick it to my Nmother, I DON"T!!! I want to move on and get my freedom back! 

So, there is where the problem is. He will think I am malingering, rather than an actual employment problem.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Ales2 on April 05, 2014, 12:55:13 AM ---Malingering is supposed to mean feigning sickness or an inability to work, attend school, attend to one's responsibilities for secondary gain, specifically money.

In my case, when I lost my job, I went through a year on my own, drained my own savings. I had to ask my mother for help. She had maintained that my father died broke and we inherited nothing, so I really thought when I hit bottom, she would not be able to help much more than a month or two.  I actually expected her to tell me to move home (I was 40 when this happened and it was devastating, but happening all over the country to plenty of other people) Then the weirdest thing happened, I got into an argument with someone I was trying to do business with and a mentor friend  told me about Nism and who treated me this way before. Easy answer. My mother.  I had just discovered she was an N. So here is where it gets weird. While researching Nism, and I eliminated it against all other personality disorders, Im pretty sure thats what she is. During that time, I stumbled onto the therapists book, who later became the therapist I was seeing.  A month later, in a conversation with my brother, we argued, he thinks Mom is a borderline, I think N, but we agree that she has a disorder and so here I am, unemployed at 40 with a newly discovered N mother who is now paying my rent. This is where the deep dark hole starts. This is where the secondary gain comes in. I think the T thinks I am unemployed b/c I want to stick it to my Nmother, I DON"T!!! I want to move on and get my freedom back! 

So, there is where the problem is. He will think I am malingering, rather than an actual employment problem.

--- End quote ---

Ales, I think you need to see a different therapist.  I remember those threads you wrote about him and he sounded awful.  There will be other, better therapists out there.  The whole point of therapy (as I understand it) is that you can go in, off load and be supported through what is often a very painful process so that you can find your own feet again and move on in your life.  You shouldn't be worrying about what he or she will think about you.  I'd really be looking for someone else now.

As an off shoot of that, is there any sort of career counselling service you can access?  If unemployment is the problem is there some sort of help with that, perhaps looking in other areas, re training, that sort of thing?  Is there any kind of benefits programme so that the state can help with your rent rather than your mum?  I'm just thinking it sounds like there are some practical problems that aren't the same as the therapy type issues, if you see what I mean?

Meh:
Yah, I moved into a strip mall city area I don't like and started working in a call center where it's a revolving door of employees quitting or getting fired... but I am just hanging in for dear life. I moved away from a small town where the employment was very very selective and hard to get..... to here but hey it's in the name of survival.


I can't really judge if you are malingering or not. You may be, you may not be... a therapist opinion is just another opinion (in my opinion )..... see how utterly not helpful that is

If you are applying for jobs, numerous jobs every week and not getting hired then you are not malingering.

If you are not applying for jobs then yah, you have given up the fight even if there may be some futility to it?

Maybe you have to ascertain for yourself?   You know if you are doing everything you can do.   You just know it.

I know I am doing everything I can do, I just don't have a lot going for me and my life is hard at times. For myself I don't call this depression or malingering or try to call it something bad anymore, I just call it the way the cookie crumbles.

Having money is sooo good that is all I can say.  The rat race never goes away. Ever. 

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