Feeling like the last resort.............................

[Twoapenny]

I have been struggling with this for ages and don't quite know how to stop feeling annoyed (or changing it so it doesn't happen any more!).

My phone rarely rings during the evening or at the weekend.  I have got used to this over the years.  It does bother me that I don't feel I have many friends who are willing to see/speak to me during the 'leisure time' part of the week, but I'm okay with it and it's just part of how things are.

However.........................I do notice that, after a weekend of silence, my phone goes a bit crazy on a Monday, in particular - with people who now want to hook up during the week because their husbands are now back at work and the kids are at school.  I feel like I'm just being used to fill up some spare time.

It does bother me.  I used to think I had a lot of friends.  But over time I've seen that more and more of them are happy to meet for a coffee during the week, but evenings and weekends very few people are interested (in fact I have one friend who I can see at a weekend and that's pretty much it).

I've arranged things evenings and weekends before - for quite a few years really - but felt it was always me having to make the arrangements so left if for a while and, of course, haven't seen anyone since.

I still find the relationship thing difficult.  I just feel that when I hear from people during the week, rather than during evenings and weekends, they're calling because they're bored and no-one else is around.  I keep saying to myself 'go where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated'.  I would love to feel celebrated!  But I'm struggling to find people to celebrate with!  Instead I feel like I'm Mrs 'oh, she'll do'.

Sorry!  Just need a moan!

[BonesMS]

I hear ya and I can identify!!!!!

[Twoapenny]

I hear ya and I can identify!!!!!

Aw, I'm sorry that you feel that way too, Bonesie!  I should have added I don't feel like that on here, quite the opposite!  My cyber life is great, it's my real one that I struggle with!

Bones, you are definitely not my last resort (((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

[Meh]

LOL  yah I am most often she will do person but oh well

I get it I really do. I have no answers though I have just kind of accepted this about me.

[BonesMS]

I hear ya and I can identify!!!!!

Aw, I'm sorry that you feel that way too, Bonesie!  I should have added I don't feel like that on here, quite the opposite!  My cyber life is great, it's my real one that I struggle with!

Bones, you are definitely not my last resort (((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Hopalong]

(((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))

Groups.
Altruistic activity groups.
Repetez.

xo
Hops

[Twoapenny]

LOL  yah I am most often she will do person but oh well

I get it I really do. I have no answers though I have just kind of accepted this about me.

Hi G, I'm sorry you feel like that, too!  I've kind of accepted it as well, although I don't know if accepting it is the same as being resigned to it?!

[Twoapenny]

(((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))

Groups.
Altruistic activity groups.
Repetez.

xo
Hops

Hi Hops,

I hear ya!  I've not really found any groups like that in my area, though.  I joined a voluntary group (conservation work).  Loved the work and the guy running the group was great, as were two of the other men there.  But of the remaining four two were making incredibly racist comments at any opportunity, another kept slagging off people on benefits (I think you call it welfare in the states) and the fourth just talked endlessly and incessantly about himself.  Similar thing with a walking group I joined - the walks were great but the people weren't.  I'll keep looking!

[Twoapenny]

I hear ya and I can identify!!!!!

Aw, I'm sorry that you feel that way too, Bonesie!  I should have added I don't feel like that on here, quite the opposite!  My cyber life is great, it's my real one that I struggle with!

Bones, you are definitely not my last resort (((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Right back at ya, Bonesie!  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[BonesMS]

I hear ya and I can identify!!!!!

Aw, I'm sorry that you feel that way too, Bonesie!  I should have added I don't feel like that on here, quite the opposite!  My cyber life is great, it's my real one that I struggle with!

Bones, you are definitely not my last resort (((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Right back at ya, Bonesie!  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Twoapenny]

I hear ya and I can identify!!!!!

Aw, I'm sorry that you feel that way too, Bonesie!  I should have added I don't feel like that on here, quite the opposite!  My cyber life is great, it's my real one that I struggle with!

Bones, you are definitely not my last resort (((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Right back at ya, Bonesie!  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, Bones ((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Have just realised that I should have added I did realise over the weekend that this is my fault for being too available and too willing to always be the one to make the extra effort, go the extra mile etc.  So have stopped answering texts and phone during the day; we're only home three nights a week so my new resolution is only to contact people evenings and weekends - currently I do it when I know it's convenient for them rather than doing it when it suits me.  So a change of behaviour is needed on my part.

[Hopalong]

Yikers, racist and poverty-bigot companions wouldn't QUITE cut it.
What a shame!

Any chance you can call the head guy and just tell him the truth?
I loved working with you and X and Y, but found I couldn't handle A and B.
Can you let me know if there's an opportunity that would be just you and
X and Y?

Sniff. Keep looking. I'm so pleased you at least did this...that's just
wonderful. You broke out of your friends-focus, and got out into a
wider community world.

Sending vibes for a new positive chance to come your way soon.

love
Hops

[BonesMS]

I hear ya and I can identify!!!!!

Aw, I'm sorry that you feel that way too, Bonesie!  I should have added I don't feel like that on here, quite the opposite!  My cyber life is great, it's my real one that I struggle with!

Bones, you are definitely not my last resort (((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Right back at ya, Bonesie!  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, Bones ((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Have just realised that I should have added I did realise over the weekend that this is my fault for being too available and too willing to always be the one to make the extra effort, go the extra mile etc.  So have stopped answering texts and phone during the day; we're only home three nights a week so my new resolution is only to contact people evenings and weekends - currently I do it when I know it's convenient for them rather than doing it when it suits me.  So a change of behaviour is needed on my part.

It's hard to break a life-long habit that has been trained into us by the N's who raised us.  ((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))

[Twoapenny]

Yikers, racist and poverty-bigot companions wouldn't QUITE cut it.
What a shame!

Any chance you can call the head guy and just tell him the truth?
I loved working with you and X and Y, but found I couldn't handle A and B.
Can you let me know if there's an opportunity that would be just you and
X and Y?

Sniff. Keep looking. I'm so pleased you at least did this...that's just
wonderful. You broke out of your friends-focus, and got out into a
wider community world.

Sending vibes for a new positive chance to come your way soon.

love
Hops

Ha, I know!  It's partly to do with the area I live in - it's not very multi-cultural and a lot of the people have lived here for generations and don't like anything to change.  I have heard on the grapevine that two people have stopped going to that work group now so perhaps I could give it another go and the dynamic will be different.  I'm keeping my eyes and ears open.  Trying not to have expectations, just 'experience' things and see how they go.

[Twoapenny]

I hear ya and I can identify!!!!!

Aw, I'm sorry that you feel that way too, Bonesie!  I should have added I don't feel like that on here, quite the opposite!  My cyber life is great, it's my real one that I struggle with!

Bones, you are definitely not my last resort (((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Right back at ya, Bonesie!  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, Bones ((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Have just realised that I should have added I did realise over the weekend that this is my fault for being too available and too willing to always be the one to make the extra effort, go the extra mile etc.  So have stopped answering texts and phone during the day; we're only home three nights a week so my new resolution is only to contact people evenings and weekends - currently I do it when I know it's convenient for them rather than doing it when it suits me.  So a change of behaviour is needed on my part.

It's hard to break a life-long habit that has been trained into us by the N's who raised us.  ((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))

I know, Bonesie, it's as natural as breathing, isn't it!  I messed up a little today as I'd already organised something to suit someone else so it didn't fit with my new plan but I didn't want to cancel at short notice so I did go along anyway.  It does feel a bit odd but I'm going to persevere! xx