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Not rising to the occasion .....Help

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lighter:
"I hope everyone has time to rest and reflect and be alive in their senses. "

Sea

Me too, Sea.

Me too.

Lighter

sea storm:
hi Lighter...

Its a nice thought to be alive in your senses.

Smellings lilacs that are fresh with glittering rain
touching soft warm purring kitty
Walking on warm earth in bare feet until you can feel the soft grass
Hearing the who cooks for you hoooo of the dove on the telephone wire.
Hearing the chimes in the shuddering maple tree blowing in the wind.

Mmmmmm that't be

 better.

Good night. I love my bed. I love my cool sheets and wait for my cat to jump up and cuddle down purring me to sleep. i can sleep now after years of being too freaked out to sleep. I can do it again. i don't wake up in the middle of the night feeling panic anymore.

I still think little animals are my ancestors though. Like the little raccoon that stood at the window and kept tapping frantically. I have NOOOOO idea why. It was a teenage vintage of raccoon.  I looked at him or her and he kept it up. Like " where are my cookies? but he had the wrong house.  Now wise ones. What is this a metaphor for. Say it really was an ancestor.
Personally, I thought it was my mother who has passed on. She telegraphs messages that are brief.
today I hired a guy who told me he has aspergers to help me pack. I have quite a history of hiring very eccentric people. They are the ones who usually have these kind of jobs. I end up listening to them for much too long. I would say he had acquired a brain injury as well as he couldn't process language hardly at all. Or he was deaf. Good to polish up my old skills. He was a hard worker and I let him think he was the boss. Had to or he would have left I think.

This is boring I am sure. It is even boring to me. Working is very overated. The upside is that I don't have a major case of the Protestant Ethic however, I don't like slogging like this.  It helps me to write about it though. It really does.

maybe there is someone else out there who is slogging along in life. Slogging is when what you are doing does not suit you and it not appropriate to who you are. This really can't go on too long. I have a floating rib or something and my body says it hurts. I don['t feel like dressing nicely or even combing my hair. I look like everyone's version of a crazy woman I think.

For anyone who is moving.  My condolences. It is a difficult thing to do. Keep your chin up, you are not going insane, this will end. You will be making room for a better life. And lots more stuff if you want it.  You are probably cured of that by now though.  Be happy to have discovered that you don['t even care about the stuff anyway. Too much like towing a large building to South America.

Good night again.

Sea

Hopalong:
There are those rare people
who can write something so evocative
and present about a struggle that
the reader is there with the writer,
and not only is the writer no longer
alone, but the reader isn't either.

Thank you, Sea.

love
Hops

Gaining Strength:
Thinking of you Sea Storm.  I wish I were near enough to help.  I am great with packing, cleaning, organizing with others though not so capable with my own.

Your thread is very connected to me.  This past year I lived in 2 cities.  In the small condo I was able to keep it clean and organized but at home I sit like a bump on a log - frozen.  I thought because I kept the other place well for an entire year I would be able to tackle home.  I got home Wednesday and I am still "resting."

It sounds like you have done a yeoman's job reaching out and getting help.  My hat is off to you. 

sea storm:
What a relief to hear your voices. Hops and Gaining Strength so kind and present. This means so much to me.

I was reading about surviving last night. Parry at the North Pole holed up on a ship frozen in the ice for 11 months with temperatures often 24 degrees below zero. They put on plays every two weeks to entertain themselves and ran out of plays and had to make them up. Usually about 10 minutes or so. Big dress up with officers playing the parts of the females. This was hilarious to the crew who never, never got to see the officers putting on a ridiculous face. They were silly farce pieces   This really helped the men get through it while they were losing fingers and toes to frostbite. Then scurvy. I wonder they made it through.

This is the sort of thing I always do when Under the gun too long. Soon I will be howling at the moon. Not really. I just feel that way.

My daughter was targeted by a narcissist at work. A nice girl whom one would never suspect..... She accused my daughter of unethical behaviour and went to her supervisor who went to my daughter and together the supervisor and the slanderer nailed beloved daughter.
This really hit my daughter, Blind-sided her, especially because she is devoted to being ethical. She works as a psychologist at a university hospital. The righteousness of the accusers would peel paint off the wall. Very aritculate and razor sharp.
This just makes me gasp.

So my daughter goes to her supervisor who is very eccentric and like the guy who talks about genitals sort off. Like he doesn't ahve the appropriate off switch.  However, he is brilliant during a crisis and he saw the narcissistic attack for what it was.  The two nastie women were supposedly championing their clients rights. My daughter was so blown away. Helpless, unable to defend herself against false monstrosities. Her supoervisor deconstructed it piece by piece and raised CAIN. One so rarely is defended in these situations.
Anyway her supervisor went afte it like a pit bull. It was WONDERFUL.
I supported my daughter who understands the slandering bit and people who don't mind stepping on your corpse after they destroy your credibility, reputation, job etc. She understands it but can't quite grasp it because that is what happens  when one is hit by this psychopathic onslaught.She is seven months pregnant......I am glad I lived to see this kind of justice. I am sure it isn't over and so is my daughter.She used to actually like her job.

My sister just had a psychotic breakdown but it is calming down. Wow. That was a tornado. I wish I could detach better. With love and good sense. I am someone she gets angry with and I take the bait and get hurt. Must not do that. She shrieks like a wounded bear if I detach but I did this time. I couldn't take it. And this time I wouldn't take it.

Living in two cities is really being split. One persona tidy and the other more chaotic. I think if I visited you I would hope to go to the messy place and we could put grilled  cheese sandwiches on top of a great pile of dusty books and use paper towels for napkins. We could have great talk and laugh and cry and it would be great. Drinking tea out of canning jars because all the teacups are  either in the sink or buried somewhere. conversation is what counts. Next day were could go out and pick oregon grapes from the forest and make pancakes and not care about calories.  Throw in an old cat that insists on sleeping on your foot to keep warm.

If you are there Hops can you tell me about ADD and procrastination?

I am glad you like my writing Hops. It seems so socially unacceptable to think this way. Thank god someone does though. It is the opposite of texting.  It will be a dark day when I get a cell phone.

Good morning,
Sea

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