Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Gaining Strength:
That's terrible Hops. A mother should celebrate the gifts and achievements of her offspring - not compete with them. We each receive and deal with things in our own ways but that is painful to read. We looked to our mothers to have ourselves reflected back. When we only see their ego our own selves are stymied. It is so hard to go back and get that healing - so very hard (but with every bit of effort.)
Gaining Strength:
Oh Izzy, I am so glad we can share here. Even if each of us have different experiences the pain and wounds we have in common are different from those the rest of the world experiences.few "outsiders have a clue of what it is to have a parent who was not loving or supportive. I needed love and support from within my family but I've also needed others to listen and hear my pain because that love was not there. Life long my own experience of rejection was rejected. That we can tell our stories hear and have them believed and sympathized with is salve on bone deep wounds.
BTW, I'm glad you have your brother who extends some support. I love what he wrote to you - such validation.
Gaining Strength:
Trusting this, trusting this:
--- Quote ---For some, getting in touch with feelings and buried memories is easy. For these lucky few, merely noticing the resistance will be enough to overcome it. It will be simply a process of seeing the wall and walking around it or over it or through it. For others, for most of us, it's not that easy. The vast majority of us have childhood programming and societal restrictions to overcome, and the gap we experience between our consciousness and our feelings is a door that is not only shut, but 6 feet thick, made of concrete, and securely locked.
Be Clever...
I've become aware over the years that my resistance is slippery. A tactic I used yesterday may not work today. My resistance has become expert at avoiding me and real release. But I have become expert at watching for and finding where my resistance is holding my real pain hostage. Be creative, be flexible, and most of all, be persistant. You cannot fail if your true intent is to bring in and heal all of yourself.
Here is a list of some techniques that have been helpful in getting through that locked door: [\quote]
--- End quote ---
Gaining Strength:
I had the weirdest dream last night. I was in c'oeur d'alene, Idaho. (Never been there.) the hills were shaped like thimbles, very steep but not very high. All were green, lushly green. Some were meadowed and others forested, all were beautiful, breath-taking lay. Some houses were on the tops of the hills and others on the side. All were very well protected, none could be approached without warning. I was driving on a rolling, curvy road in a beautiful neighbourhood. I stopped to speak with a couple with whom I was acquainted. The young man was hefty, bearded and was wearing shorts and leather sandals that had straps around the ankle. I noticed his feet because he also wore socks that had very ornate cuffs with several stiff triangular pieces that stuck up and had beautifully crocheted lace edgings. I was trying to put it all in perspective when I woke up.
I would love for a jungian to analyze that for me!!!
Gaining Strength:
Ok, one more post. (When I go through these healing periods I find myself unable to stop talking, talking, talking. I think it is the undieing need to connect, to be heard, to be affirmed. It would come from that deep, deep, wound of primordial rejection.)
So I have decided to try the healing protocol suggested at cyquest.com. I am trying to get out of my head and allow the feelings to release. No question, being in my head is my place of comfort. Not sure why, just sure it is so. So earlier I went to youtube and searched for "tearjerker" videos. I could watch myself toggle back and forth between mind (seeing connections) and pain. Not surprisingly, I am very much in touch with my anger.
I had such an interesting experience watching my anger expose itself to me yesterday when having to meet with a banker over my mother and father's estate issues.
The progress is coming but I have only ONE goal. To be released. I pray that getting through the self-hatred with be the cork that let's it all flow.
So thankful to have a place to come with my stuff.
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