Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Still need to work through early trauma

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Gaining Strength:
Thanks Moonlight.

I went to my EMDR appointment yesterday afternoon.  The building was locked and barred. I called the man, he never received my confirmation email.  I'm in his book for Mon., the 7th. Trusting the delay will work in my favor.  Not sure how, but trusting.

Making incremental progress.  I am developing confidence that I can  keep myself out of the abyss while sitting still, alone, (not doing avoiding behaviour.) today, I'm going to ramp it up and focus on this while I do chores.  I'm beginning to get clarity on the unconscious voices causing such agony while I try to  clear the forest. 

Yesterday I heard," you can't do it. You ruined it last time."

So many memories of mother, father, brothers who, rather than stepping up to help, would sit in judgement of even simple tasks.  It was pervasive. 

I am now aware of these voices.  Let's see if I can override them.

Gaining Strength:
Over 25 years ago I became aware that there was a voice inside that was telling me I couldn't do it.  I knew that happened with athletic pursuits.

Now I see that it applies to everything: to chores, to friendships, to dreams, to interactions with authority.

So now I will call on my inner voices to overshadow them.

moonlight60:
GS...

 I so understand the fear of  trying... I had one parent that was difficult one very loving... neither were cheerleaders .

So I learned the skill of caring and loving others ...just no confidence in self.

I did find it within myself to love doing my artwork...something inside that would not be still.

For the most part I did not have a voice saying you can not do this or that ... just no encouragement ...which would have been so helpful.

Now I am my own best friend ...most of the time....but I still falter at times ...I  am better so much better.

I am wishing you great results from your EMDR ...

All Love and Light
Moonlight

Gaining Strength:
How blessed I am by you Moonlight.  I love hearing from you.

Gaining Strength:
Very positive, "I can do it" dreams last night.

So many different scenes.  In a house from my first years.  Met the family.  I was trying to get my feet grounded, then I realized they had added on an entire second floor.

I was looking for a sweater in the back of my car.  A priest was with me.  I was expecting to car or be a huge mess and then I realized that I had cleaned up and the box of things I was looking through was a demonstration of being resourceful not slovenly.  I found just the right sweater.

I woke up and found the refrain, " Yes, I can" going through me mind.

I was vacuuming a hillside. (Don't ask, it was a dream.) at first the vacuum didn't work.  Then, in my dream, I reminded myself to apply positive energy and I found I could clean the nozzle and it worked perfectly.

Last night another mother called to ask my child and me to meet them for dinner (yea!) afterward the boys wanted to go window shopping at Target and we were talking when the subject of changing our thoughts came up.  She is on the same pursuit. 

I'm feeling  coincidentally and support coming from different places.  Progress is happening.

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