The To-Do Institute

[Hopalong]

My particular constellation of things is:
periodic (mainly SAD, with bonus spring variant) depression
ADD
grief (daughter)

On a daily basis, unless #1 or #3 is acute or flaring, the biggest problem I really have, I believe, is the ADD. It means that accomplishing anything--organizing a serene home office to write in, planning finances and a functioning budget, or most importantly, devoting spare time to my own writing...is a constant struggle. (I do accomplish at work. Just not in my "own life.")

I have a wonderful, smart, compassionate T. Every week, he listens to the nuances. Now and then, he gets a word in edgewise. Last time, he shared something I find VERY exciting. Haven't dug into it yet, but thought some here might be curious too. In our brief exchange about it, T said he was interested in a Japanese psychiatrist named Morita (and books about him by Reynolds) because the basic idea is--feelings need to take second place to behavior. And one of the most powerful things to learn is to change your orientation from "getting rid of" painful feelings, to "what is the next thing I need to do" -- which you do even while the painful feelings are present. That this particular goal, even when it's very hard, is the productive one. He said that because of the nature of emotions, they will ALWAYS come and go throughout your life. And what enables one to move ahead is to work specifically on taking action (in spite of, while, regardless of, during--feelings): "What is the next thing I need to do."

This way, he said, even while enduring a hard passage emotionally, you become able to live a productive life. You will look back, and the actions you began to take (next thing by next thing, is all) added up to a productive life. You can be proud then, looking back, because you worked on training yourself to genuinely answer this question in BEHAVIOR: "What is the next thing I need to do?" Not, "How can I get myself into a perfect feeling-state to do the next thing?"

I've been all about finding a system, or doing "next things" perfectly, or predicting the results, or making myself promises, or fantasizing about the "next things" all being done already. I have a feeling this Morita therapy will be helpful for me. Not a be-all, but good. I trust my T -- (he's nationally respected) so I'm going to pay attention to this.

Hops
PS--Given my rabbit-brain, how could I not be interested in something called the To-Do Institute? 
http://www.todoinstitute.org/morita.html

[Ales2]

Right on topic - thanks Hops.

Im not familiar with the technique you describe here but when I was working, I found it helpful to write an unpleasant emotion or issue on a sticky note to journal about it later at home. When it was on my Journal -to-do-list, I could focus on the many tasks at hand and get stuff done without ruminating. I think I need to get back to that... thanks for reminding.  Also, Mel Robbins has an interesting thought on that, which is do it, even when you dont feel like it. That creates the muscle that fights inertia.

And some of the law of attraction stuff is bunk. Listen to Abraham Hicks (which is quackery of another kind- channeling Abraham? Give me a break....) and they will tell you not to act, until you feel the vibrational desire of your desired outcome. What a bunch of BS.... Be down the river and in the vortex ...and assorted other metaphors...

[sea storm]

Hi Hops,

Interesting comments on ADD.  There are so many ways to look at it. Especially if you can harness your thoughts and accomplish tasks in the workplace but not for yourself. I know of another person who has this same trouble.  She is very gifted as well and very creative. I was surprised to hear her say that she can't bring herself to pay bills, fill out important forms, organize her home etc. This is someone who can organize a mountain expedition to Ethiopia if she wants to.  I have this problem too.

Concentration, memory and other executive functions go out the window when stress comes on the scene. i have often seen this with kids who are labelled as learning disabled when the truth is that they are not able to access the higher functions of the cerebral cortex because of trauma. I heard Dr. Bruce Perry speak about this. He's a neuro psychiatrist. It made a lot of sense to me. There are ways to heal this and to stop the triggering of the lower brain. One way is music especially baroque music. Sounds a bit eccentric but maybe not. You can just plough through the task but something stops you or anyone who is on the road to self expression and opening up their heart and soul into writing. It is close to the bone.

Acting as if you are what you want to be can reorient one to a new way of being. Sounds a lot like toughing it out and wearing a smile . Probably not what you mean. I believe that if I keep on the path to my goal i will find a new way of being that will challenge my self limiting beliefs. There are so many beliefs we pick up as children. For instance: Creativity is useless fluff and not the real, practical and useful part of life that will bring us bounteous rewards. Bounteous rewards are the aim.

Writing even if you feel like it is from the black hole of Calcutta is a good idea I think.  Look at Catcher in the Rye..... written in the trenches of WW11.  There is no perfect moment to start climbing the mountains of the mind. I say go for it Hops. I would like to hear what you write no matter what comes out. i mean bumble, stumble,trip, fall and fly and just do it. Creativity is a tricky little monkey and just takes what it wants from you and it is the best part in so many ways and so beyond the rational mind. I have seen glimpses of some amazing poetry and writing from you.

In a way choosing creativity is choosing the messy, chaotic, mind ripping heart opening path.  hard to live in both worlds working like a drone and then flying with griffins in the night so to speak.

I agree that the Japanese can marshall themselves to accomplish a lot in a task oriented way. Feeling has taken a secondary place in that culture.So some Japanese are extremly task oriented and fall asleep at their desks and anywhere. There is another path and  It involves Buddhist thought and mindlessness in detaching from the movie going on around one and in one's mind. This allows the artist to draw the perfect curving line that is made without hesitation and with conviction and beauty. No need to make a photographic rendering when the essence can be caught in a moment. This is just doing it and not thinking about it or procrastinating.  They talk about being centred, grounded and letting the brush take flight. Walk don't wobble.

For me.. I just feel sad a lot if I am left to myself.  I don't want to miss the chance to be all that I can be but I am just too sad. There are a lot of losses. Better to have tenderness for that part and she heals slowly. Especially with love and encouragement.

Here is some encouragement for you Hops. You deserve it so much.  And here's some love too. Please write. You have a unique voice and words that need to be said.

I think this is great. Talking about working on your own things.

Blessing to you Hops.

Sea storm

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Ales. I couldn't agree more about the law of attraction and other specious "systems" that really are about MORE ego, not less.

And thanks, Sea...I gather the Morita stuff does reflect its Japanese origins (less self-focus) but I don't get the feeling, so far, that it goes all the way to Victorian suppression of the individual or artist. My T mentioned that the Buddhist toolkit is a large part of it.

What I'm responding to most, on first look, is its pragmatism. Even for writing--being less self-absorbed will help there too, because I do think of my best stuff as more or less me getting out of the way so it can flow out.

But all the practical things like a tidy study and a financial plan underway and some daily chore accomplishment...just ordinary adult life functioning. Those are a dream for me, as good a dream as more publishing. (I do have a second collection of poetry coming together.)

I don't think the Morita idea of not letting feelings stop you from behavioral things that move you forward is to tugh it out with a smile. I think it's more: bring your fear and let yourself shake while public speaking, or weep while you work--let it flow--just put tissues in your pocket so you can blow your nose while you mop. I think (again from early reading) it's about trusting that feelings REALLY are like weather, they are transient and come and go, and in this culture we find encouragement (in some circumstances) to stop everything, insert heads in navels (or up butts, in my case) and leave them there for looooooooooooooooooong periods. Where Morita is coming from is...What is the next thing you need to do? Bring your feelings along, and do it.

I dunno. Barely have gotten into it. But for the first time in a while I think I may have found stuff to read (particularly Reynolds about Morita) that will counteract some approaches that haven't really gotten me moving. This sounds like it IS about moving instead of the emotional stasis (or depression) that's been so tempting to me.

love
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Discovered any more about this Hops?

I'm not unfamiliar with the idea - LOL - if anything, I've been living this at the other extreme most of my life. In just as much paralysis, as waiting for a feeling before taking action. I'm more a hamster on a perpetual wheel, and I can't stop spinning or...

OMG, I might feel something!!!!!  Us humans are truly comical, in our own ways.

But seriously, it sounds like a very helpful method.

[Hopalong]

Hi PR,
Haven't read more yet, but still love this direction and intend to. Signed up for the newsletter.

I'm also remembering how powerful and positive hypnotherapy was for me during another chapter, but for no reason I drifted away from that.

So my kick for the last week has been plotting to buy an MP3 player (never had anything like that or IPod etc) and downloading some good anti-procrastination self-hypnosis sessions. Plus audiobooks for walks.

What please me about both these things (Morita, and the play-hypnosis-tapes-when-going-to-sleep idea) is that something's stirring that reminds me there are always new healing tools (or old ones rediscovered) and it ain't over until you quit.

I think I had quit in depression and now am starting to try again. The wave has passed, I feel re-engaged a bit. Encouraging!

I hope tools appear for you, too, PR...so you feel hopeful again. (I don't care if it's temporary or not, I'm grabbing on.)

love
Hops

[Lupita]

Do you think you accomplish in your job because you know you have to or else, and at home nobody will give you fear? My son is a neuroscientist and he says that fear creates more accomplishment that anything else.

It happens to me too. My work is well done and my dishes at home have to wait until the smell makes me ashamed.  LOL

[Hopalong]

At home I have perfect freedom and imperfect discipline.
At work I have no choice (though I still have times daily when I just surf and read...)

At home there's nobody to motivate me, stop me, or encourage me, so I tend to get less done.
I have to own doing all those things myself.

I have started a self-hypnosis tape about procrastination.
Listened to it as I was falling asleep last night and today I was NOT late for church for the first time in many months.


Hops

[Lupita]

Lack of intrinsic motivation. It has to be something that is of real personal interest to be able to focus.

Please, let me know what tape are you using? Can I buy it? where?

Let me know if you obtained any result.

[Hopalong]

It's free here Lupita:
http://www.thrivehypnotherapy.com/free-hypnosis-to-stop-procrastination

It works if you do it.
You can also find free self-hypnosis downloads for all kinds of things here:
www.hypnosisdownloads.com

Good luck!

Hops