So for an update - sometime last summer, I was reading alot of Wayne Dyer, coincidentally, I was reading one of his books when he died. I had also read a book by Joyce Meyer called Beauty for Ashes (which is I highly recommend as emotional healing if the "God" part doesn't bother you) and her book on Forgiveness (average, not a great book) so I was trying to over come the issue. Dyer basically summed it up in 3 words "Forgive the Unforgiveable" and unforgiveable was my problem because the issue of verbal abuse/undermining can be ongoing. So, for many months, this really helped me put it behind me and then I went back to thr Joyce Meyer book and her teachings became more resonant and I was able to intergrate those as well.
As is happens I then had two bad incidents with the NMom. One involved her stalking me and showing at my Dad's grave when I visited on his birthday. She resents that I drive 100 miles to visit the grave, but never come to visit her or spend time with her. She knows I will show up at the cemetary on one of three days, his birthday (Nov), the anniversary of his passing/funeral (June) or Fathers Day (June), so she monitors the place. Creepy.
Then this past friday, she initated a visit to my apartment, which I accepted with skepticism. In recent months, she has accused me of stealing my Dads papers and elder abuse. None of these accusations are true. She has accused me of both of these in the past and I did some reading on false accusations. Im an employable adult, i.e 47, (she is 79, out of the work force) my reputation is important. Theft and Elder Abuse are felony crimes. To make continual accusations and then not report them as crimes to the police is a form of harassment and slander (i.e oral defamation). So, we had a nice visit, I was almost feeling bad - she can be nice, but of course, it doesn't last long. At the end of the visit, she said she wanted to leave at 8pm, then she pulled out some paperwork and launched into the "you stole Dad's paperwork and I want it back." I explained again that I have not seen or stolen his paperwork. She became increasingly hostile and started in with elder abuse accusations then yelled at me ("Something is seriously wrong with you") and hurried out of the apartment.
I called the police, they came. I told them on the call, that an elderly woman needs to file a police report for elder abuse and they came within 20 minutes. They separate us and then I explain the constant accusations, but NMom refuses to give a statement. She leaves without being able to talk to me.
WELL. Not sure what that backlash will be. The reality is that constant accusations that go unreported are harassment... I may have called her bluff. As I waited for the police to come, I pretty much knew she would not give a statement (she had documents on hand (which prove nothing), yet never showed them to police. But, it could have gone bad. She could have lied and been dramatic and I could have been going to jail right there (unlikely but possible). But unfortunately for her, I knew her "evidence" is non-existent and lies might get you arrested, but without evidence, very little chance of further trouble. The police by the way, took me seriously and there were mostly nice, except they berated me for allowing her to come visit. No more of that.
Through this nonsense - I have also learned that if a parent accuses you of Elder Abuse, you cannot visit them in their home or in a hospital without a neutral third party present. These Ns are very dangerous, some are pathological liars, so caution is always a good thing.
Anyway, I guess my point is, forgiveness can be dangerous and lead to incidents like these. Forgiveness maybe one thing, visits or LC are entirely another. I made a mistake by allowing her to visit. Lesson Learned.
