Just found out that what I lived with had a name

[lstrait2000]

Hi, this is the first time here, but I feel this is where I will find some answers.  Having a hard time dealing with all the new emotions (was never allowed to feel emotions before) and the anger.

My Nmom died 3 years ago and since her death I have been approached by many people that told me of her lies.  She took away my brother, my dad and my first husband through lies.  Of course growing up, you never stood up to my mom.  She used the fact of me not being able to have children against me to break up my marriage and then told my now ex-husband that I gave birth to a boy and it didn't survive.  She told him that he was not to contact me.  I seen him for the first time in 11 years last week and he is still hurting over this lie.  I remarried and went right into the same situation with my current husband.  He is exactly like my mom, but it is a comfort zone, as sick as that is.  

I just don't know what steps to take or how to deal with all these new emotions.  

Sorry this is so long.  I appreciate any help.

[Acappella]

hi lstrait2000,

So Long?  Have you seen some of the posts here?  Especially mine?

That is part of the idea..that this is a place to speak up and speak out.  Hopefully you are just gettin started!  And, I bet you'll find other posts/voices here that agree it does take energy to feel especially when we are new at it.  And ultimately I've gotten more energy from feeling the discomfort and moving through it with support.  

Rozencranz's "Shame the Ultimate Voicelessness" Post and subsequent thread speaks to the fear of hitting the "submit" button here and in life.  
I recommend it - a good read.  As is the Books that Have Helped Post.

Sounds like your comfort zone is somewhat uncomfortable.  I have found this a great place to be where I am.  People post here with a variety of states of mind and heart.  If I am feeling angry, or stupid or like I have a "sick" habit as you put it I feel this is a safe place to experience that among understanding and supportive voices.  

Take care, welcome.

[lstrait2000]

Echo,

Thanks for the reply.  I'm sure it will get easier, but I really appreciate having somewhere to vent.  It does make it easier reading that I'm not the only one out there who lived the life I did and feel the way I do.

Thanks again.