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I know the narcissist so well but who am I after the battle has stopped waging?

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sea storm:
I am glad i wrote what happened because i moved along, stopped crying and got out of bed. Plunged into work and overdid it. I am kind of sick of Japanese antique and definately finished with Chinese antiques and the  honeymoon is over and it is work. i saw some clients and they were ... one couple who were tatoo artists and grew pot for medical purposes. I think he might be seriously dangerous. These are not the worried well  Such an ethical dilemma, both were highly intelligent but also criminally oriented.  I took it for a sign to stop counseling and just help people who come along for free.  The store is enough work and I am more focused on buddhism and writing.  I am constructing a book in my head that is a series of stories or snapshots of the past.  As my store winds down or does whatever it will do, I want to write more. I am able to do this as I am not going completely crazy anymore. I can be alone and enjoy it.

I have been noticing how often thoughts of my narcissists come into my head. I now treat them like they are an invasion by satan.  By that I mean unwanted, selfdestructive, implanted during mind washing. This is a long way from the early days when life was unbearable. This sounds dramatic but if you have been there you know what I mean and if you haven't then it must seem like a self absorbed person's over active imagination. This is the beauty of this board. What a life saver. One thing I learned hear is that we are not here to be happy. We are here to love and help each other and be teachable.  Your voices come through so strong and helped me when I was very wounded.

It would be good to know how everyone is doing. Even though I don't come here often  I still love it. That sounds insincere. I will come here more often again.

Sea

Hopalong:
I'm so glad you let the grief roar and then let it pass, too, Sea.
You sound clear.

I feel the same way about unbidden repetitive thoughts about Ns.
I have that struggle about thinking about my boss and having the Same Old Rant about sexism and unequal pay go through my head with heat/pain several times a week. Given that I have to work there at least until age 70 (if not 80) I need to find ways to accept my devaluing and continue anyway. Hard. The young man I like is eventually taking over as CEO but I'm not sure he'll go to bat for me, and I've lost so many years of compound interest it may not help much if he does increase my salary. Oh well.

I care about you and am THRILLED that you are prioritizing writing. You are a really really good writer. (Going to or forming a writing support group is something I'm yearning to do but haven't yet.) I can recommend something to you if you're curious--an ONLINE group with Cary Tennis, whose approach I really admire. Visit www.carytennis.com to see how they work. They're cheap and fun.

love to you
Hops

sea storm:
I dont know how you stand your boss.  Creepy narcissists are excellent teachers on the hard path of life and I am sure you are earning merit in your next life for having patience and keeping the peace. However, if you come across a tea towel at work it would be a good idea to keep it in your desk drower so you can occasionally tear it to shreds with your teeth.  Also imagine me as a friendly monkey on your shoulder listening to his inane take on things and laughing my head off.  It is so important to have a real or imaginary ally (spelling)


Also thanks for your encouragement about writing. Last night I was reading quotes from writers I admire. John Lennon said that he kept pieces of paper stuffed in his pockets and would write about what came to him nearly every day. I think you are a very gifted writer and hope you write something from your heart and soul and the muse.  Even though some of it may be a dirge from the past that we must pull like a heavy tow behind us .... Your voice rings like a bell. I am not kidding.

i know that work sucks the the life out of you but it sounds like you are taking care of yourself these days. i am relieved and happy. I struggle not to engage in rescuing my loved ones and am getting better at it. I am not sure but I think the rescuer is often as sick as the person she is rescuing but oblivious to that.

Imagine saying
Oh my darling daughter I have complete faith that you can solve your problems one step at time.  I am practicing that between episodes a gnashing my teeth and wanting to walk across Canada to help her. 

I am not exactly prioritizing writing.  that is a brilliant idea though.


Lots of love

Sea storm

Hopalong:
Oh how I'd love to say that to her, Sea!
But I am not welcome to contact her or speak to her in any form.

Inside, though, that's a perfect summary.

I am doing way better. Moving on. Ready for spring.

I had a break the last two days...llittle business trip that I managed to work around visits to two old friends. That rebalanced me in a lovely way, plus the sun was out today and I got to drive the fancy rental car back down gorgeous roads home.

Happy today! Picked up my little pooch from the kennel and went to the outdoor promenadey area of town and had a beer with a third friend.

So right now I'm feeling grateful and good. HOO- AAHH!

xo
Hops

sea storm:
you are awesome!

Sea

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