Pondering

[Hopalong]

Hi Tupp,
Snow got in the way so we're going to see each other this coming weekend, I think.

Will keep you posted!

xo
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Hi Tupp,
Snow got in the way so we're going to see each other this coming weekend, I think.

Will keep you posted!

xo
Hops

Fingers crossed all goes well, Hops, hope the snow has cleared up now

Am trying very hard to get out there and live rather than stay indoors and wonder - even if that just means going to the supermarket and having a quick chat with the lady on the check out.

Funny situation with a friend at the minute - in many ways she's a good friend but when we're on the phone (we live a long way from each other so can't meet in person that often) she talks about herself non-stop for about forty minutes and I can't get a word in.  Happened again this morning - she'd sent me a lovely suprise gift through the post (this is an example of what a lovely friend she is) and I called her to thank her and literally if was forty minutes before I got in "I was ringing to say thanks"  I got about four sentences out and she said she had to go and get ready.  So the phone calls seem quite one-sided but everything else is good.  I will need to think of a phone strategy, I think

[Hopalong]

Oh wow. I have had phone calls like that. I do not like it!
And in the past (I hope) when my anxiety levels were past the ozone layer, I've placed them.

Date report, similar subject: He's still smart, attractive, etc. But he talks nearly nonstop and though I got a few stories out, I always felt rushed (because I knew he'd cut me off again). He has some awareness because this morning he wrote me a priceless line: "Sometimes I wish I talked more about you and less about myself."

 

Oy.

Hops

[Twoapenny]

Oh wow. I have had phone calls like that. I do not like it!
And in the past (I hope) when my anxiety levels were past the ozone layer, I've placed them.

Date report, similar subject: He's still smart, attractive, etc. But he talks nearly nonstop and though I got a few stories out, I always felt rushed (because I knew he'd cut me off again). He has some awareness because this morning he wrote me a priceless line: "Sometimes I wish I talked more about you and less about myself."

 

Oy.

Hops

With dates there's always the hope that all the talking is down to nerves and he might shush up a bit as he gets to know you   It's hard, isn't it, it goes back to that thing of whether or not you should take the lead and butt in regardless or whether you just prefer to be with people who can listen as well as talk?  I'm definitely in the latter camp at the minute but even that might just be tiredness, I am so worn out from dealing with life, I really need to find a way to have some daft crazy fun as often as I can, I really miss that.

I think I might start communicating with my friend via text and save the chat for times we get together - or just when she phones me so it isn't my phone bill that gets run up   I hope your next date goes well, Hops, hopefully he'll ease up a bit and pause for a breath every now and again

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Tupp.

I decided my intuition was that this was his nature was strong enough to not drag it out. I really appreciate that after all this practice, I feel much more comfortable making decisions than I used to.

I wouldn't be happy with someone who has trouble showing interest in what I have to say. He just can't focus enough to listen. Wrote him a compassionate note about it, but did explain "What I really needed was for you to talk less, and show interest in what I had to say, and I sense it was a struggle. I understand, because you're recently heartbroken [his marriage ended and he acknowledges not being over it] and trying to find your balance. But I'm not the one for you. We both have interesting histories and strong personalities and I can't be a happy supporter or friend without reciprocity. Best wishes..."

He wrote back a very pleasant note saying he understood and appreciated my candor and that I was perceptive. And that if our paths ever crossed again he knew he would still like me.

No harm done in either direction and another positive date experience. Don't regret meeting him at all, he's quite interesting. And neither one of us sought to hurt the other.

All good. Farewells are okay.

Hops

[Twoapenny]

Thanks, Tupp.

I decided my intuition was that this was his nature was strong enough to not drag it out. I really appreciate that after all this practice, I feel much more comfortable making decisions than I used to.

I wouldn't be happy with someone who has trouble showing interest in what I have to say. He just can't focus enough to listen. Wrote him a compassionate note about it, but did explain "What I really needed was for you to talk less, and show interest in what I had to say, and I sense it was a struggle. I understand, because you're recently heartbroken [his marriage ended and he acknowledges not being over it] and trying to find your balance. But I'm not the one for you. We both have interesting histories and strong personalities and I can't be a happy supporter or friend without reciprocity. Best wishes..."

He wrote back a very pleasant note saying he understood and appreciated my candor and that I was perceptive. And that if our paths ever crossed again he knew he would still like me.

No harm done in either direction and another positive date experience. Don't regret meeting him at all, he's quite interesting. And neither one of us sought to hurt the other.

All good. Farewells are okay.

Hops

Good for you, Hops, what a great way to deal with the situation, open and honest but kind and caring at the same time, that is a skill I need to cultivate.  It's good when things are left nicely, just feels better than some nasty row or having to hide if you bump into them.  All good experience too, which is something we all benefit from.

On the subject of friends...........................one of my major difficulties is that a lot of the people I know don't respond to my texts or phone messages, to such an extent that I gave up contacting some people because it would be months before they got back to me, if at all.  I found the sense of rejection and the sense of not being important enough to them for them to reply too difficult and painful to deal with and I just stopped risking it.  On top of that I've found it very hard to make new friends, partly because I just don't meet many people that I get on well enough with and partly because part of making friends is having to make a move, as it were, and risking being rejected again.  It's just been too hard and the last two years have been incredibly lonely as a result.  But...................I've been using a forum for a while now and have chatted to a few people i've enjoyed talking to and have managed to meet up with a couple of them and have an invite to look in on another when I'm in their area over the summer.  I have all their numbers but haven't made an effort to contact them (for fear of being ignored) but this afternoon something came over me and I sent a few text messages out and ended up having some nice chit chats through the early evening with these new people.  It just felt like a really good step in the right direction, plans have been made to all meet up over the course of this year and I am feeling like my person people situation finally seems to be moving in a different direction which feels really nice.  Moving forwards rather than backwards or not moving at all, if feels like a nice change