Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Changing my life

(1/3) > >>

Worn:
I have come to a point in my personal story where I have not only chosen to make my life better but have come to the very start of doing so.  The ball is in motion.  Soon my life situation will be magnitudes better than it is now.  I am nervous but I am beyond ready and so looking forward to it.

In order to do this I have asked for help.  I'm not ashamed of having to ask for help, although I would have been previously and recently.  I have been working on accepting more fully that what happened in my childhood was simply something that happened to me.  No more my fault than a tornado or a hurricane.  Less since I didn't have a choice of living in tornado alley, I was just born there.  Now it is time to clean up after the storm.  When people experience a tragedy like a tornado in their life they are expected to need help setting things right again.  They most likely don't even have to ask, people just come to help.  I am a human being and am therefore worthy of any help, care and love that I need.  The worst part of my parents treatment of me was the part where they tricked me into believing I wasn't worthy of help or care of any kind. 

lighter:
I'm so glad for you, Worn: )

Sometimes we need help to get over the bumps, and it's OK.

Learning how to ask, and receive help, is a learning experience in itself.   You're worthy.
::nodding::

Congrats.

Lighter

ann3:
That's fantastic, Worn. 
Love the part about being born in tornado alley!! :lol:
Congrats on your new life.

Worn:
Thank you Lighter and Ann!  My journey/work starts either tomorrow or Sunday.  My friend and I have planned everything out that we can think of and I've told her everything I think I need to tell her.  Just for some context to this, have any of you seen the show Hoarders?  Well...my place could be on there.  I'm not quite a typical hoarder, I don't want to hang on to any of this, I just want to throw it away and get it out of here!  We are going to start the job of cleaning it out.  My friend is the only person I'll allow to help with this first part.  I haven't let anyone into my place for about 7 or so years.  I recently noticed a calendar on my wall that is from 2005.  I think it was about that time that I gave up and the mess started to grow.  I let people in for a few more years after that but it finally got to such a mess that I stopped.  I think part of that was me putting up actual physical barriers to protect myself from the outside world.  I couldn't deal with it and I couldn't stop people from coming in with just boundaries (I don't think I was mentally strong enough) so I fixed that problem by erecting other protections.  For several years now I have been on a journey to build myself up enough to deal with this mess.  It has been a hell of a struggle to come to the place I am now.  But I'm finally ready!  I'm excited and so looking forward to carving out my own space to live in.  To making my surroundings a comfortable and safe space for myself.  It's time. 

Twoapenny:
Wow, Worn, you sound like you are in a really good place right now.  Well done for getting to a point of being able to tackle your 'stuff' - it's funny how we use external things to deal with our internal stuff, isn't it?

I've personally always found clearing things out really helps with the mind and the emotions as well, plus you get the added bonus of knowing you might be helping others if you donate stuff to charity, or make yourself a bit of cash if there's anything to sell.  So nice to get rid of things you don't need anymore, in every way.  Lovely of your friend to help you with it as well.  Look forward to hearing more about it :)

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page