Grey Rock Method

[Butterfly]

Hi, All.  It has been a very long time since I last posted, here.  Going on 8 years no contact with NM.  Doing great.  But … Ns and sociopaths are everywhere …

Hops and Tup, I hope you are both well. 

Has anyone used what is called the "Grey Rock" approach?  Basically, it is having nothing interesting to say and boring the Npath to death so that they lose interest and move on to target another.  This method would never work with a so-called "empath" or a person who is aware, but I have read that it can work wonders with Npaths.   

Thanks so much for your insights.

Butterfly

[Hopalong]

Helloooo ((((((Butterfly!))))))

What a pleasure to hear a voice anew, who meant a lot Back When.

Is this it?

http://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

If so, how is it working? It reminds me of "Medium Chill", too.

love
Hops

[Ales2]

lol Gray Rock is great...its using their psychology against them without being malicious or manipulative. Just non-reactive and boring.  I think I will actually get a rock and put it on my desk just to remind me....

Ive also tried a mindfulness conversation technique Ive used with employees who complain ..I just ask them "whats next? What needs to be done?" This gets them off complaining and into action mode...

Thanks for this post very helpful!

[Hopalong]

I will actually get a rock and put it on my desk just to remind me....

This is a great idea, Ales!

Thank you.


Hops

[sea storm]

Good idea.

Must get grey rock.  I don"t quite get the  what's next technique.

Is it like saying " Is there anything else bothering you?"  This is  a good one for someone who is bursting with resentments. Instead of sticking with the complaint, get the whole list. By end of the list a little light goes on. 

For instance:  Couple sitting at table.... Wife says  You always read the newspaper at breakfast...... Anything else?  You always ignore me.... Anything else? you chew with your mouth open?   Anything else? You don't put the garbage out.... Anything else ?  You don't feed the dog...... Anything else? You never complement me

Etc.   This can be a good thing and end up with hysterical laughing. or else it can end in divorce.

[Ales2]

Another great technique, thanks Sea Storm

Emotional Override
Medium Chill
Grey Rock
Whats next?
Anything else?

Sticking this in my organizer planner.... all very helpful, thanks!

[Meh]

What pops into my head though is that if a person is always needing to defend themselves against a constant element that means one becomes a permanent gray rock = losing oneself, its like the very definition of voicelessness. I guess the assumption is that it only needs to be used on a rare occasion. Reading this makes me want to escape. Escape the gray rock, throw the phone onto the receiver so the other person hears a dead end tone. Well shrug. I'm not very good with relating though, I just want a break from relating but somehow I'm also just plain lonely. Who knows maybe I should explore gray rock and employee it towards customers.

[Hopalong]

Boy do I understand that, Boat.
Artists and strongly creative people have a terrible time doing gray rock.
Or many do.

I feel for you.
And I'm trying to do better at it myself, especially at work.
Unfortunately, the particular toxicity at my workplace requires that one
be fake-sweet, not just neutral or professional. And the sweetness has
to have an evangelical energy to "count." Ugh ugh ugh.

More on that on another thread.

I do hope if the gray rock can help you during the workday, you'll try it.
Nobody can extinguish your inherent worth. Period.

hugs
Hops

[sea storm]

Very interesting chat about being a gray rock. It is not easy or enjoyable being a gray rock and it is creepy for creative people to go to this semi zombie zone. I hadn't thought about what it feels like to turn off in that way. it certainly has its down side ie. voiceless.
Even though it  feels strange, I think it is a very good place to know about. To know that there is a way to dodge the psychological body blows of envious narcissists.
It is hard though. The alternative is even more self destructive. Just being good, competent, intelligent and is not safe with disordered personalities. This triggers something in them and they just have to rob the good person of their beauty. ENVY. All this happens in a split second, the decision to destroy.

I don't know about anyone else but I don't have the psychological resources to deal with a narcissist, let alone a pair of them who are gleefully targeting me. I do know what it feels like to be trapped in a job or a marriage with them. Thank God I found out what was happening and found a name for it. Basically getting out seems the best idea, but short of that  gray rock is a good resource. I may be tempted to play in the arena with the drama but at least I know I will get eaten by the lions.  The article that Hops mentions is excellent.

Sea

[Hopalong]

it is creepy for creative people to go to this semi zombie zone

Oh boy. YES. (And for non-creative types too.)

You'll prolly appreciate my new totems on my work desk.

I have a gray rock (see? I was listening) and on the other side, a fragment of a wasp's nest I found.

In between, I have a little card that says "remember your INHERENT worth and dignity" which is
the First Principle of Unitarian-Universalism. I feel somewhat "less religious" than I have in the past,
but that principle (the inherent worth and dignity of every person) still works well for me.

So I got my gray rock as a reminder, and the wasp's nest as another (Nboss)...and my core
principle to repeat to myself.

It's oddly empowering! I see this little tableau all the time every day, right in front of my monitor.

 

Hops

[sea storm]

I get the what's next technique. I have a customer who is sending me emails that are very nasty. She is also not very adept at tongue lashing, name calling, threatening etc. I take these things to heart and will use this technique for sure.  She is asking for the moon and thinks she will get it by being hostile. This would have worked in the past I must admit. Now I can grey rock and find inner peace somewhat.  I am not a rock but more like an amorphous fog with slings and arrows just wafting around and not hitting me.

Thanks for the reminder.

Cheers,\
SEa

[Hopalong]

OOOO.
I like "gray fog" too. Brilliant!

Such joy to hear you, Sea.

love
Hops