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My nephews 10 and 12 are visiting from out of state

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Meh:
My nephews 10 and 12 are visiting from out of state coming in only two weeks. Something overcame me and I got so excited about them coming thinking of all the things we might be able to do when they are here. They both said they wanted to learn how to cook something (muffins) (pizza). They are staying at my mothers house. She said she really didn't really have any plans figured out, well I looked up things to do and some of them she decided to do with the kids.. I've tried to talk to her about it in detail and she refuses to converse about it except for on the most superficial level. Pretty much making it impossible to plan anything. I called her and she was paying her dog groomers so she couldn't speak to me. I called her and she had to talk to a lawyer so she couldn't speak to me. I called her and she was at the post office so she couldn't speak to me. I called her and she is watching a movie so she couldn't speak to me. That was over the span of two weeks. She is retired. She used to have her job as an excuse for why she wouldn't speak to me, now she just uses any old lame ass excuse. She had planned a get-together for herself, her husband, her sister, her sister's husband, her sister's daughter and my two nephews. I wasn't invited and I didn't even really know it was going on. Of course I have to work but its not decent to not invite me. I wouldn't want to go anyhow too many people in one room that have rather treated me like shit.

I'm feeling angry and alienated. Since I barely talk to her anymore she usually doesn't have much impact on me anymore. But now this is really bothering me. It should be fun but its not and somehow I don't even want to bother anymore. I feel like exploding. Right now I don't really know what to do.

All the writing on here I don't think has changed anything at all. My emotional terrain isn't any different in fact I think its just slowly worse over the years.

In fact I now am so unhappy that it might be better if I don't meet up with them at all.

Meh:
Decided to take a step back from the situation. I went from feeling excited and happy to feeling depressed & angry & sad in about five minutes.

What if things like these really are the cause of depression and mental health issues. i don't even know what I am saying I'm tired and feel like i cant formulate my thoughts.

lighter:
I'm sorry you're feeling so out of sorts, Garbonzo.

Did stepping back help?

Lighter

Hopalong:
I am so, so sorry Boat.

To be turned aside like that--from family who should care--is excruciating.
I've lived this and I know and I'm so very very sorry.

LOTS of self-compassion, self-love, and finding new sources of love that are NOT relatives...
is the only way through in my experience...

I'm so sorry for this hurt. I so hope you'll reach out in some way to connect somewhere.
With other people, so you're not all alone so much. (Even introverts need PHamily--meaning
community phamily, not the "bios.")

Words fail.

Hops

Meh:
I am going to see my nephews. I am going. It is planned on and its my goal.

Well yah stepping back for a while helped. Its always hell. You know what I am talking about.

I got some craft stuff though to take with me. I hope the kids like it. Its about the kids not my mother so I just keep on reminding myself that. Tomorrow after work I will be doing the trek to her house and spending the night and then next couple days hanging out with the kids, will be doing a museum and something else not sure yet what.

Keeping my fingers crossed. We will see how it goes.

Thanks guys.

Coming back and reading your comments made me feel a little mindful the cliche yoga thing about being centered... its true. I need to go back to my breathing.

I am so excited to see my nephews.

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