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Nboss strikes again

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sea storm:
Hmmmmm oddly quiet from the toxic work place front. Hope they are not dropping poppy seeds or something in your tea. Have you noticed any new symptoms?

Maybe boss is gone? Miracles do happen.

Lots of love

Sea storm

Hopalong:
Hi Sea,
Thanks for asking! Mostly, Nboss is preoccupied with an office move and trying to run a retreat (when he's not running incredibly invasive "leadership trainings" which I'm mercifully not involved in). He forces (well, he's the boss, so they don't say no) employees to attend day-long "workshops" run by him (no qualifications whatsoever, save for his having lived with a corrupt guru for 20 years) during which he demands they expose their innermost vulnerabilities and life stories and such, which he hoovers up like a buzzard. It's all vulnerability, which he soaks up...while never offering any in return.

Inappropriate as hell for a workplace, and they all absolutely hate it. But they have to feed their families.

I'm not in it. And my close colleague the Art Director recently escaped (because I told my other good colleague, the next-CEO, how toxic it is for Art Dir) having to continue--and he told Nboss he had to let Art Dir out of it. Art Dir is very relieved (but also a little worried about Nboss payback). I think he's going to be okay as we simply couldn't function without him.

Me? I've got my head down and have accepted that I have 4.5 years to go until retirement. I hope it's no more than that. I have made a contact who might be able to help me "run the numbers" to be sure of a retirement date. Just need to move forward with that appointment, etc.

I was off for two weeks during which I read, slept, and did nothing much else. Just went back Friday.

Stay tuned and I'm sure if things escalate again, I'll bring it here!

love to you -- and how ARE YOU Sea?

Hops

sea storm:
Hi

The boss that forces people to disclose and share in less than psychologically safe group. This is really new heights in controlling behaviour.  I have been reading about micromanagers lately and he sounds like a controller who fits the bill. This is very disturbing to employees and causes them to leave about 80 percent of the time.  It has a disastrous effect on morale. Looking back on my working life in the school system I can see how demoralizing that kind of controlling behaviour had on me. The thing I didn't know then was that I could not control such people or out manipulate them and that if anything would have helped it would have been changing myself. When life is piling it on one, in work, family, love life, etc it is so much better to have a solid anchor and sense of grounding in oneself.

Good grief! Sounds so pious.

I started attending a women's twelve step program.  It is very rigid though and even after two weeks several women are very triggered but it is not dealt with in the group. There is not cross talk at all which is ok except the level of disclosure is very high. Curiously, women are calling me and needing to get emotional support. I mean curious in that there is no room for that in the group but the group needs it. I guess.  The leader of the group phoned me and she was beside herself and agitated because she said that it is a twelve step group and there is no room for counseling. I asked how to deal with people getting very triggered by all the disclosures and she said that we just need to love each other. When I asked what that looked like she was FURIOUS. She said , just say you love the person.  I don't know. Maybe that works for Mother Theresa and the Pope but seems like throwing straw to a drowning person. Of course the people who are triggered need counseling but they won't get that support in this group. To me, this makes it a crummy group. On the other hand, talking about my relationship with despair and God was beneficial. Hearing about how other women have experienced the same despair and sense of powerlessness brought me so much closer to them. I have been sitting on the sidelines for a long time and this at least engages me and forces me to shake the tree of life in myself. We enter the tree of life through our deepest wounds.

Poor you, you ask how I am and you get Beethoves's Fifth.
On the work front, I am very busy with my Etsy store selling Chinese and Japanese antiques. I study these areas and my store is doing pretty well. It has been like sitting on a big rock and trying to get it warm for the last four years. It has been a big commitment.  I love having the antiques around the house: antique wedding kimonos, tea ceremony bowls, Chinese tapestries  and embroideries,  vases etc. The pieces come and go and it is so wonderful to unwrap a new old thing. This way I get to be surrounded by wonderful works of art. I feel like their protector. It is kind of amazing that I live in this little fishing and logging place and can have a business that is entirely international. I was thinking about the song: MY way by Frank Sinatra and I thought  about the store and realized that I did it anyway. That would be a good epitaph.  Just do it. or She did it anyway.

I do not miss having my every move scrutinized and judged and the jockeying for power that goes on it the workplace. It does either sharpen ones wits or drive one to the wits end. I miss having workmates though. Seems like I am often scrambling to put together a life. I guess that is how it is when one is marginalized as a single woman.  Thank God I have some peace now and lots of contentment..

This board was a life saver for me and I still like to visit. It seems most of the people who were severely maimed by narcissists have settled down and made their peace with the beasts or changed so much that there are no beasts anymore. Like the war is over and the guns are silent. It is a really magnificent saga, all these people over the years growing together and helping each other through terrible storms.

I was going to write that I worry about you but decided not to. (laughing).  I hope you transcend your crappy workplace and realize that it is not your fault at all and it is a mess.
A very interesting mess. There is a great story there.

As always,

Yer old pal, and love to ya Hops,
Sea storm

sKePTiKal:
Hops, I am still visualizing the cosmic 16 ton anvil dropping on your Nboss' head - mid-tirade, would be about perfect, methinks.

But then, I am also reminded that these people usually create their own "traps" and that the operation of karma, is still a mystery. You will be OK; people there probably come to you for validation that they're not crazy and how best to deal with him. They need you, to get through it themselves.

It's a crappy job; but someone's gotta do it. Better you than one of Nboss' sycophants. Sometimes we all gotta stand up in the age-old, good vs evil struggle.

Besides, if you left now, the idjit would literally fall apart - he NEEDS you to be there and keep on taking his crap - way more than you need the paycheck.

Meh:
How is everything going Hops?

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