How Honest Do You Think I Should Be?

[Meh]

Nah Two, I go on there out of boredom and just kind of an inner sadness of being alone. After surfing okcupid for a while I then often feel repulsed and appreciate being single and not having to deal with dudes.

I suck at relationships and I guess I lack the comfort with it and motivation to do it.

Since it's all out of context it also really IS a big gamble, those guys could be anybody.

There should be an online dating service where everybody agrees to some kind of private investigative background check. All the members would be a bit more legit I think.

I find a large majority of dudes are wanting sex right out of the starting gates. Luck has it that I also find most of those guys physically repugnant.

Really I punish myself by going on there.

[Twoapenny]

I know what you mean, I've chatted to some nice people but have blocked more than I've chatted to.  I do hear stories about people meeting their true love online, in all honesty I'm in much the same boat as you, I'd rather meet someone in a 'real' situation but I don't get the chance to go out without my son very often and picking up men with your child in tow is very naff!  I am trying hard to 'love myself' which I always cringe at because it sounds a bit New Age but I am aware I need to focus on filling my life up with more things I love to do and just generally feeling better about myself.  Online dating is a bit like window shopping but I still prefer to meet people in the flesh because you get the whole impression of them; I do think people give off a vibe and you can feel more about them face to face; when they write about themselves it's a different thing altogether - and yep, pictures can be very deceiving! x

[Meh]

hugs      Eh who knows maybe there is a peace in solitude. I don't often envy people in relationships it's just ughhh. Growing up I often looked at my mother and didn't understand why she liked the guys she was with and I always said to myself that I would never be like her.

When I think about all the women who have ever found themselves stuck in a relationship since the beginning of mankind... I feel like I am living some past woman's dream of "freedom" to be alone and single.

 I could see how it would be even more challenging with kids, but you know what at a certain age a lot of guys already have kids from previous relationships also.

[Meh]

Feh I mean honestly I don't think relationships are likely to make people happy.

Its old but still...

I mean all these types of articles :    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1282851/Six-10-couples-unhappy-relationship.html

[Twoapenny]

hugs      Eh who knows maybe there is a peace in solitude. I don't often envy people in relationships it's just ughhh. Growing up I often looked at my mother and didn't understand why she liked the guys she was with and I always said to myself that I would never be like her.

When I think about all the women who have ever found themselves stuck in a relationship since the beginning of mankind... I feel like I am living some past woman's dream of "freedom" to be alone and single.

 I could see how it would be even more challenging with kids, but you know what at a certain age a lot of guys already have kids from previous relationships also.


Yeah I don't know that I'm really cut out for relationships either, most people I know put up with behaviour that I couldn't be bothered with and the women always seem to make a lot more sacrifices than their male partners (although saying that I know a same sex couple where one rules the roost and the other does as she's told so I guess it's not just male/female relationships).  I find it hard to meet people who have a balance that is right for me - good fun but able to be serious/sensible when needed, laid back but moving forward - if that makes sense?  Spontaneous but not irresponsible.  Good at reading people but not having that need to jump in and tell people what to do?  I get quite irritated by fairly small things, I find.  I find racism so offensive and it's rife in the UK at the moment, and even that I find I read something someone said (this is the downside of Facebook, you get to see corners of people's minds that you don't want to know about) and I find something in me just switches off and I don't want to be around them again.  Anyway - I've decided that I'm worn out, stressed out and doing too much at the minute so I've decided to dedicate the winter to my health and to relaxing and recharging my batteries.  So my internet dating profile will be coming down, I want to stop munching biscuits and comfort eating chips, get more exercise, get more sleep (or at least more time in bed if not more sleep), top up my vitamins, spend some time doing things I love (sewing - not good at it but I like it.  Writing - so many ideas for books and stories that I never do anything with.  Craft - usually looks like an enthusiastic five year old has had a go but I enjoy it and want to do more of it.  Might teach myself guitar).  And just focus on me.  I think I realised that I still feel I need other people to make me acceptable?  If this guy dates me it means I'm okay, if these people are my friends it means I'm a nice person.  So I think I need to work on me liking me a bit more?  I still get waves of absolute self revulsion at times, very strong, so I think I need to deal with that.  I've started trying to meditate a little bit each day, just stuff I found in YouTube, but there's a group starting up near me in a few weeks time so I think I'm going to go along to that and have a go.  I'm so tired all the time!  It's not a normal state to be in   Anyway, G, are you up to much over the weekend? x

[Meh]

Is there something about us "daughters of narcissists" or us "single people" that are more inflexible I wonder. Because I think the same thing you have just stated when you said: How can people put up with all of that?

Oh to answer your question no, I was not up to much for the weekend. I roasted butternut squash. I went to the bank. Watched a documentary about a Korean baby drop box, slept in. Ate. Did laundry. Was mainly lazy. Watched too much "TV" which I just watch on my laptop because I don't have a tv. Grocery shopping. Pulled out a few plants that were petering out for the end of summer. Actually did very little. I sort of enjoy not having to go anywhere. Not that my work commute is bad or anything.

[Hopalong]

I just took down or "hid" my online dating profile too.
I had started to update it and two things put me off--telling folks honestly how I feel about men my age constantly setting age ranges they'd like to meet at a decade younger than themselves. It's a feminist and equality thing that irritates me because it's so automatic and so pervasive.

Surely by their mid-60s reproducing isn't an issue, and since most women outlive most men--I tend to view it as them saying (or unconsciously conveying): "Doesn't matter to me if my future partner will be widowed unnecessarily early. I want a younger bod to play with and I'm entitled to her youth." The man who does what I do (setting preferred age range at even intervals younger and older than myself) is rare as hen's teeth. I don't do it because I'm certain that all men 10 years older or younger will be attractive to me, but because out of a sense of fairness, I don't think it's fair or kind to rule them out sight unseen.

The other thing is that I started feeling the need to explain that I am 10-12 pounds heavier than the 2010 pic I use (because I really like it) and then that got my goat, too. I do think it's important not to be deceptive but the amount of anxiety I was feeling over 10 pounds annoyed me too.

I'm clearly too cranky and brittle (or vulnerable) to be dating at the moment so I'm taking a break until I know what to say and show and how I want to do that.

Thanks for the inspiration, y'all.

Hops

[Meh]

Same here Hops, I notice guys who date younger... which means there are guys in their upper 50's or so that message me. Personally I don't like that. I'm in my 30's I mean I'm not that young YET it still does BOTHER me. It's 100% based on physical sexiness maybe is why it bothers me.

Hops I think that it transitions from being a reproductive issue to an ego issue. When my grandfather was in his 70's and on his deathbed dying of cancer he was still talking about women. Shrug who knows.

Then there are guys in there 20's who message me which is also funny they say "I like older women".

In the end NONE of it feels right. Mainly I find they are all looking for "pluck" buddies.

One guy started out saying all this stuff about how he was mature and responsible blah blah blah had a good job blah, looking for a smart lady blah.
So I tried to converse with him and he didn't converse. After his introduction of himself above ^^^^^^ he then started in very quickly with "so what would it take for me to get you turned on right now"... and stuff like that.

Oh here I am going to cut and paste look, it just kind of sums it up:

Matt 43: "Mechanical Engineer undergrad, MBA graduate, plays ice hockey, like smart, sexy women".......  How often do you get laid? --Do you have more pictures? -- I'd love to see the rest of you  -- Horny and surfing porn - you? -- Any way to help you get horny?  -- Always good to wind down with an orgasm or 3 right?

Mikey 27:  "You horny"   ... (That is his msg to me and I specifically put on my page "do not contact me for intimate encounters")

You know its just a sausage festival.

Okay... looking at someone's profile he is 37 and the age range he posts as what he is looking for is women 20-38.

Sorry for sounding negative all the time, I know I do. Still hiding under a rock sounds cozy

[Twoapenny]

Is there something about us "daughters of narcissists" or us "single people" that are more inflexible I wonder. Because I think the same thing you have just stated when you said: How can people put up with all of that?

Oh to answer your question no, I was not up to much for the weekend. I roasted butternut squash. I went to the bank. Watched a documentary about a Korean baby drop box, slept in. Ate. Did laundry. Was mainly lazy. Watched too much "TV" which I just watch on my laptop because I don't have a tv. Grocery shopping. Pulled out a few plants that were petering out for the end of summer. Actually did very little. I sort of enjoy not having to go anywhere. Not that my work commute is bad or anything.

You've just described my weekend to a T, right down to the butternut squash!  I am purposely focusing on taking things easy over the winter; I'm tired of constantly rushing around and trying to 'do' things so we are enjoying plenty of lounging around and baking

I know other people who've had similar upbringings and they're the same; no tolerance for other people behaving badly.  Perhaps it wears us out when we have to deal with it for years, or makes us notice it much more quickly?  I think for me as well I'm so used to being on my own that I don't endless think about having someone in my life.  It's generally late evening when I think it would be nice to cuddle up to someone but I couldn't cope with eight hours of being annoyed during the day for that to happen.  Every now and again I make an effort but I do find I don't value the same things that society in general values and I think that makes it harder as well.  Fewer people to chose from.  I find a lot of my female friends are more like mums to their partners than they are partners?  I couldn't cope with that at all.

[Twoapenny]

I just took down or "hid" my online dating profile too.
I had started to update it and two things put me off--telling folks honestly how I feel about men my age constantly setting age ranges they'd like to meet at a decade younger than themselves. It's a feminist and equality thing that irritates me because it's so automatic and so pervasive.

Surely by their mid-60s reproducing isn't an issue, and since most women outlive most men--I tend to view it as them saying (or unconsciously conveying): "Doesn't matter to me if my future partner will be widowed unnecessarily early. I want a younger bod to play with and I'm entitled to her youth." The man who does what I do (setting preferred age range at even intervals younger and older than myself) is rare as hen's teeth. I don't do it because I'm certain that all men 10 years older or younger will be attractive to me, but because out of a sense of fairness, I don't think it's fair or kind to rule them out sight unseen.

The other thing is that I started feeling the need to explain that I am 10-12 pounds heavier than the 2010 pic I use (because I really like it) and then that got my goat, too. I do think it's important not to be deceptive but the amount of anxiety I was feeling over 10 pounds annoyed me too.

I'm clearly too cranky and brittle (or vulnerable) to be dating at the moment so I'm taking a break until I know what to say and show and how I want to do that.

Thanks for the inspiration, y'all.

Hops

Aw Hops the whole online thing is another dimension, isn't it!  I'm the same, I just had a head and shoulders shot up, I'm me, a human being, I want someone who wants me for my brain and my soul and my heart, not the dress size I wear or the height I am.  I fully appreciate that there is physical attraction to be factored in, we all want that, but if I meet a guy who is kind, generous with his time, willing to listen and able to have fun even if we're not doing much then I don't care if he's a bit overweight, or a bit short, or bald, or anything else that isn't typically thought of as ideal!  So I understand completely where you're coming from on that.

As far as age goes I've had a similar problem, lots of very young men who want to tick off 'older woman' on their bucket list and lots of guys ten to twenty years older.  I'm like you, I won't rule anyone out on age alone but generally speaking more than five years either side just takes you into a different generation and I don't feel too comfortable with that.  I think you're right to have a bit of time out; as I mentioned in my post to G I've decided to spend the winter focusing on resting, eating well and getting more exercise, for the sake of my health and to give my overworked brain a rest x

[Twoapenny]

Same here Hops, I notice guys who date younger... which means there are guys in their upper 50's or so that message me. Personally I don't like that. I'm in my 30's I mean I'm not that young YET it still does BOTHER me. It's 100% based on physical sexiness maybe is why it bothers me.

Hops I think that it transitions from being a reproductive issue to an ego issue. When my grandfather was in his 70's and on his deathbed dying of cancer he was still talking about women. Shrug who knows.

Then there are guys in there 20's who message me which is also funny they say "I like older women".

In the end NONE of it feels right. Mainly I find they are all looking for "pluck" buddies.

One guy started out saying all this stuff about how he was mature and responsible blah blah blah had a good job blah, looking for a smart lady blah.
So I tried to converse with him and he didn't converse. After his introduction of himself above ^^^^^^ he then started in very quickly with "so what would it take for me to get you turned on right now"... and stuff like that.

Oh here I am going to cut and paste look, it just kind of sums it up:

Matt 43: "Mechanical Engineer undergrad, MBA graduate, plays ice hockey, like smart, sexy women".......  How often do you get laid? --Do you have more pictures? -- I'd love to see the rest of you  -- Horny and surfing porn - you? -- Any way to help you get horny?  -- Always good to wind down with an orgasm or 3 right?

Mikey 27:  "You horny"   ... (That is his msg to me and I specifically put on my page "do not contact me for intimate encounters")

You know its just a sausage festival.

Okay... looking at someone's profile he is 37 and the age range he posts as what he is looking for is women 20-38.

Sorry for sounding negative all the time, I know I do. Still hiding under a rock sounds cozy

Eeew I think it would be hard to find anything positive about all that G!

[teartracks]

Matt 43: "Mechanical Engineer undergrad, MBA graduate, plays ice hockey, like smart, sexy women".......  How often do you get laid? --Do you have more pictures? -- I'd love to see the rest of you  -- Horny and surfing porn - you? -- Any way to help you get horny? Smile  -- Always good to wind down with an orgasm or 3 right?

Mikey 27:  "You horny"

  .

This isn't meant to indict the many good men out there, but these two blokes probably think that a couple of loud farts equals a mating call!

[BonesMS]

Matt 43: "Mechanical Engineer undergrad, MBA graduate, plays ice hockey, like smart, sexy women".......  How often do you get laid? --Do you have more pictures? -- I'd love to see the rest of you  -- Horny and surfing porn - you? -- Any way to help you get horny? Smile  -- Always good to wind down with an orgasm or 3 right?

Mikey 27:  "You horny"

  .

This isn't meant to indict the many good men out there, but these two blokes probably think that a couple of loud farts equals a mating call!

That would be an ACCURATE description of these two over-aged adolescents!  *Snicker*