Daughter in Law from Hell like alsmot psicho

[Lupita]

My daughter in law hates me ofr no reason. Her mother is constantly poisoning her agaisnt me. Her mother does not want her to have a good realtionship with me. The last ugly thing she did was the following.
I invited her and my son and the baby for a concert. She said yes. Three days later she inventes a pic nic ofr that day and told me that I was not allowed to go becasue she wanted the baby to play with her family and if I was there the baby would play with me only.
I take care of the baby because after working full time I make my self available to take care of him for free, and it cost me money since I have to drive to theri place, I have to bring my food and end up very tired.
Why does she want a party to exclude me when she could not do anything without my help?
My son said I was being dramatic.
It hurt me so much. The foruth of july she pushed me away too. I work for her very hard and give up alll my free time and when she has a party I end up alone at home.
There is nothing I can do to help this. I feel powerless and victimized.
I gave her a plant and the plant died very strengely in a few hours.
I gave her a book and the book desappeared.
So, she pushes me away no matter I do. I am so hurt and lonely. My son is like in a state of coma or zomby. He just wants peace at al costs and does not care if she is right or wrong.

[Twoapenny]

Perhaps it is time to stop offering free childcare, Lupe, if you are being taken advantage of like this?  I know that would mean you seeing less of your grandson but if the only reason they include you is because you will work for them for nothing then eventually he won't need childcare and you probably won't see much of him when that happens?  Perhaps you need to give them a notice period of four to six weeks, explaining that you love spending time with him and would love to keep seeing him but that you aren't able to carry on providing childcare after such and such a date and that they will have to make other arrangements?

[lighter]

Hi Lupita:

I'm glad to read you have plenty of time with your grandson.... even if it's taxing and hard and you're not appreciated or treated fairly.  At least you have a special relationship with your little chap.

It seems like being left out of the family gathering is your DIL punishing you for having a special relationship with your gs, btw.

She's jealous of your relationship with your son also, it seems.

You can't change that, but maybe if you don't let her see you suffer.... she'll jerk you around less, bc there's no pay off?

I'm sorry you';re struggling but happy to see you back,.

Maybe it's time to let the DIL scramble for a babysitter a few times soon, just so she remembers how nice free babysitting is?

Esp one who loves her child so much, and is so good to him?

Lighter

[Lupita]

Thank you Towapenny and thank you Lighter.

The thing is that I am not ready to put up with the consequences of a choice to stop babysitting. I would suffer more than what I am suffering now. I think. Like you said before. When the pain of leaving is bigger than the pain of staying...............
The things is that I enjoy babysitting. I cannot stop. It is stronger than me.
And yes, she is very insecure, narcissistic and egoistic. She does not want anybody to love my son and he not to love anybody else. But my son is a zomby. His brain is not working. He letgs her do whatever she wants. No matter if she is wrong or roght.

I do not know what I am going to do. But for now I cannot stop bebysitting. I love spending time with my grand son.

I wish I could counter act what she does. if she sees me happy she might thing something is wrong.

[lighter]

Lupita:

Well..... I hope you can focus on the lovely relationship you have with your grandson, and not on the way your son makes you feel.

Honestly, your son is likely walking a very thin line keeping the peace with his wife..... I think he knows you'll love him no matter what.

 You're safe.

Maybe his wife's love is more conditional?

Maybe she's trauma bonded to him, destroying everyone's peace when he doesn't please her?  Maybe he's doing all he can to bring peace into his son's life?  Seems like a pretty good bet, consider how she treats you, IMO.

I don't know LUpita.

From here..... I'm glad you have such a good relationship with your grandson. He'll grow up fast, so be sure to stay rooted in the moments of joy you can have.

Try not to let the DIL and son rob you of too much pleasure.  You won;t ever get these years back, kwim?

((((Lupe and grandson))))

Have you asked him what God looks like yet?  I just love to hear what little children say about that.  My youngest child said that God is a woman.  ::nodding::

Lighter

[Lupita]

Lighter,

yes. You are right. My son got an arhitmia cardiac caused by the stress this woman provokes in him. yes, he wants to keep the peace at all costs. he does not want to have to pay child support or that she spends all the time with the baby and not give him to us if they divorce.

Yes, he just wants to keep the peace.

She wants more kids but so far he has said he does not want more kids. That is the only thing he has stood up to her and I think it is pretty big.

Also, her mother used to live with them. She lived with them for six years and he recently asked her to send her to her borther's house which she did of course blaming me for that. She said that day that I was the source of all her problems.

So I understand that if I put up with her I am helping my son. I do not put up with her becasue of her, she is evil and sick. I am doing it ofr my son and ofr my grand baby.
Even when he grows up he will have nice memories of me and he will visit me in my hospice when I am old. I hope. That is all I want from him. To visit me when I am bed brethen at 90 or more.

I am glad I can discuss with you because after discussing with you I get a different prespective that makes me feel less victim. Let us keep the discussion, please, it helps me a lot, even if we have to repeat same information. It helps me to sink in my brain.

I am not doing for her, I am doing it for my son and to cultivate the love of my grand baby. To create memories that my grand baby can have after I pass away some day. keep talking to me precious Lighter.

[lighter]

Lupita:

I'm glad you feel a bit better.  Of course you put up with the DIL for your son and grandson.  No other reason to do it.

I think it's empowering to know what we're dealing with.

It's important to anticipate intended and unintended consequences of our choices.

Better to rise above, and look down on our situation... gain some emotional distance before we react to the pd, kwim?  Flailing about when we're emotionally triggered is never a good place to make decisions, IME. 

Are you journaling?

Still dancing?    I hope you're dancing, Lupita.

Have  you considered adding long term care insurance before you're 70yo?

It's good to be engaged in things you love. 

It's good to put plans in place for the future.

Your grandson loves you.  You're filling his little heart with important things he'll carry around with him his entire life. 

THAT's what this is about. 

Show him how to be happy, LUpita.  Show him you have a rich life, how to navigate difficult people, and how to overcome. 

He'll be dealling with his mother longer than you will.  What will he learn about that from you?

((((Lupe))))

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Hi Lupita,
I'm glad Lighter has waded in with you and is helping you deal with the surf.

I just want to send you my good wishes too.

love
Hops

[Lupita]

Thank you so much Lighter and Hop.

I am feeling better.

She knows she will never get from her mother what my son gets from me.

Today when I got up she asked me if I was going to play in a recital today that she knew I was going to play at two pianos with my son but she asked him not to becasue trick a treat is a family day. So she asked me if I was going to play and I said my son did not want to play and I do not want to play alone. She know of how much pain she causes.

It affected me ofr ne hour. I am content now.

Learning.

[lighter]

Awwww.... Lupita:

I wish your grandson and DIL had gone to see daddy play piano with Grandma, then hit trick or treating together or vice versa... however it worked out timing wise.  That seems a perfect afternoon/evening to me.  

Good for you, taking this in stride.

Lighter