Thank you all so much. I was thinking as I drifted off how profound and real your support is. In many ways it's more concentrated and thoughtful than feedback I can find in the real world or with 3-D friends. I think you must be 4-D. I deeply appreciate it.
Tupp, just as you've suggested. I've started to say to myself as a calming thought, "I'm going to do the best I can." Simple as it is, that really is the answer I think. It lowers my anxiety every time I've say it to myself. If the best I can do isn't enough, that's not something I would have been able to change. So it brings a little peace.
Thanks also for reminding me that he can't mind-read, and that how I come across may not be all oozing vulnerability or confusion. He may find me sharp and competent and like a vision of excellence. (Cough.) I DO have skills he needs. And he's in his early 70s so I may come across as a spring chicken. Har!
TT, these questions are hardly stupid, they're the core of it:
Does the competitive knowledge you have (that he wants) have a stand alone value?
I think it does. But even more than the goods on my former employer, I offer skills at the the storytelling and education side of branding in our specific niche that his company doesn't have, I believe. My former employer's image shines and succeeds largely because I built it. Hundreds of pages of what they now call "content" (ugh) written in a believable and trustworthy voice and at an intelligent level. His company's site shows some subtle stridency and insecurity and is nowhere as visually appealing as my former company's. If he's open to it, I could direct and directly contribute to a shining revamp of the whole thing that I think would appeal far more to the kind of consumer in the niche. (One happy thing I learned from our first call is that his company is about twice the size of the former one--or does twice the business. It's not because they have a prettier image...but they've been around longer and invested more at the beginning. Their own factory, for example...while Nboss' operation actually assembles more than makes.)
Is there a possibility that you could work for this CEO from your present home?
To do this in some form is near-essential to me, I think. My preference would be one week there per month and the rest from my home office. Totally doable. Or I could come out for 3 months to start (but would want to bring my dog), then continue part here/part there. I would move out there temporarily if he paid me a salary big enough to justify the short-term pain of it. I could agree to one full year out there and then a new arrangement that gets me mostly home again. I really need my community, my friends and my home. But if salary is under discussion and a Really Good one is possible, then I'd have to be open to compromising where I want to live. It's get me to retirement faster. Moving all the way across the country is a last-ditch thing for me, though. I might consider approaching other companies amenable to me working from home before I'd uproot. All depends on a real offer, the shape of it.
Boat, you are cogent and to the point, as always. Thank you. I'm glad you perceive strength and you are injecting me with confidence. Thank you. You're right that the rest is in the hand of the universe. That's extremely helpful as well. You're reminding me that I only can control what I can control and releasing the outcome after doing my best is a peaceful way to proceed. Thank you for believing in me. Back at you. And long time coming? Oh YES. We have both been in the traces.
PR, you can hunt my head any time. Thank you for putting some starch in my spine and reminding me that I'm interviewing HIM. It reminds me of advice I've read so many places about dating. When one is terrified or keeps mentally returning to the idea of "but what will he think of ME" or "how can I contort myself so he'll like ME" etc...I've always spotted that in friends and been able to give the advice to flip that thought....no, keep your focus on how do I feel about HIM. And to focus on the nuts and bolts of any employment relationship, the realities of the company, etc.
I know he'd love to know what I know about exNboss, of course. And I needn't feel dirty about reaching out to him partly because they loathe each other. Because there's another reason that has nothing to do with that. The larger reason is that I know this industry, regardless of the players. There are not that many people with my broad knowledge base floating around out there. I can honestly say that even if I had nary an insider scoop to share, I'd still be a valuable addition. To any of the few key player companies in this area. Thank you.
One more thing I'd like your thoughts on, PR--the truth is, I was fired. I hate not being able to tell the story like a human being. But I know it's a trigger for some to automatically dismiss an applicant. I don't think he will, but it's possible. Frankly, I think if I told the true story, "I wrote a critical comment that referred to him as a fake, and accidentally OR subliminally sent it to him" he might even be amused. Not only is it a corroboration of his own opinion of Nboss (who stole his design and claimed it as his own), but it's the truth. Do you think that's reckless? Because it's a common question and the usual mumbly-peas applicant answers I always find very transparent: well I am seeking new opportunities or a new challenge or blah blah... All I've told him so far were two things (a long phone conversation). Ummm, the first was simply: "I have parted ways with Company (with Nboss, basically...)." And the second was a bit more revealing (eek)--toward the end of our talk: "Well, there's only so much Koolaid you can drink before you choke on it, you know?" He laughed. (That was my reference to the guru stuff, which I haven't discussed with him in detail but which he may find interesting. It's psychological insight, but not competitive info, I think.)
Like TT, you mentioned not trading secrets. I get that, but honestly, I don't know the numbers side of the business. But I do have stories. And at some point, were I to work for him, the stories will spill out. It's like having been in a horrible marriage for years, then out...no way I could get to know someone well without sharing some of what I'd lived through. But maybe another side of this is that I need to be careful not to overshare anyway (a vulnerability of mine) and keep it professional. While being friendly too. I find that balance difficult and I'm still reeling with a bit of trauma. Maybe the answer is going to lie in very careful language. I can intimate some of the story without spelling it all out.
And TT, you're right...he doesn't know any details of Nexboss' lack of ethics unless I explain them. I will be wary of doing so unless I have an actual job contract. Could backfire in ways I can't anticipate. Morally, I don't quite see a conflict. (I have never signed anything--contract, non compete or non disclosure.) What I mean is, if I know for a fact that a competitor lies or cheats, based on direct experience, is it immoral to tell a new employer so? My only worry would be newboss putting it on the new company's website, because that would alert Nexboss to where I've gone. And...as an N, he'd scorch earth to get even in some way. Then again isn't loyalty a two-way street? He showed me absolutely none, nor gratitude. I appreciate that he was angry that I called him fake -- his anger's justified. But the nuclear consequence was not, at least in CEO's and other Directors' opinions--particularly after my apology and major amends. They felt any boss who expects no employee to ever criticize from the rank, is naive. But a guru in an ashram would expel anyone with the snap of a finger for lapsing in adoration. So that's what he learned.
Sea, thank you so much for the suggestions as to how to suggest why I left but pivot to better subjects immediately. I really like those. At some point I may have to go a little deeper but something about an allusive response (Can you tell me how to spell ethics? Sexists?) is a good idea. I tend to be SO open and direct that I'll want to try to hold my story more lightly. It ain't just the drama of the stories I have to offer, it's real and high-functioning skills his company could really use, even if I never had worked for his competition. I'll try to keep the focus there.
And thanks for the encouragement. I know it ain't over until the fat lady sings. I'm about 20 pounds fat but I got new clothes and a great haircut--and I ain't singing.
love and gratitude to all,
Hops
