Job Hunt -- what it takes

[sKePTiKal]

Well Hops, about the west coast opportunity...

IIRC, you said he'd present his idea and your credentials to the board the end of last week. Depending on how risk-averse (which is biz-speak for anxiety) the board is, they may have wanted some time to think about things. It's not uncommon for opportunities like this to take a month or two to happen. To iron out the details, double-triple-check assumptions and expectations; to negotiate a mutually agreeable set of expectations and parameters. Sounds like it is a new position in their organization, and well - there are existing persons there getting the job done, perhaps in addition to their regular responsibilities. Even if you'd lighten their load and make their overall process stronger - people could have some negative feelings about that situation. So, the boss will have to plan out just how to handle that - and present the information to them, too - so people don't feel like they've done something wrong, or not up to snuff...    you get the picture.

Meanwhile, the foremost thing in your current life shakeup is to find solid ground; shelter; security. Understandable, too. I would wait until the end of this week, torturous as that may be, before contacting him for an update. And yes, you should stay busy. Sounds like you have absolutely the best mix of activities in mind for your overall well-being.

I sympathize with not wanting to be in an extended state of limbo, though. Going through my own right now; it's opening old cans of worms -- some exhaustively picked over for nutritious bits; and something I couldn't focus on during the last navel-gazing mission, but is just as important. Hang in there, sweetie. I might be around more often, as I sort through this new-old thing - I always need feedback & other people's perspectives - and I'm shifting into a new phase of the grief process, too. Whee; multitasking. LOL....

[lighter]

Six months breathing space.....

I felt my anxiety for you click down a couple notches just reading that, and my anxiety sort of rides alongside yours.  I feel excited for you, then tense, and on it goes with your ride.

All will be well Hops.  I know it will.

Having that space means means you can move forward without urgency.  Choose mindfully, and with prupose.

Yes.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Tupp, you are a pal. I truly appreciate how you tune in to the emotion that's going on and just offer kindness and encouragement. How could anyone not value you? (Start with recognizing yourself, how good you truly are. Not attached to your performance, either.)

Thank you for slowing me down, PR...reminding me to realize I don't know what's happening out there and giving it a week is wise and calm (well, fake calm, but that'll do). Really really helpful to have you visualizing things in such a realistic way. It helps me to remind myself of how glad I made that trip regardless of the outcome. It was so validating it was worth the effort even if no work comes from it. Every interview is good practice, just as every first date is...that's my motto!

And Lighter, thank you so much for caring, and reminding me to breathe and be mindful and purposeful. That's exactly the antidote to spinning and panicking. You have a lot of discipline and that inspires me. I'll never be that steady but I can still move forward. Thank you.

love y'all,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I can relate to panic, Hops. Going through enough of it myself lately.

[Hopalong]

I know. Oy.

I hate fear.

I'm gonna go have a drink.

hugs
Hops

[Meh]

Sometimes a drink is therapeutic. 

[Hopalong]

Well, the Big Fantasy Job (from the trip across the country) didn't pan out.
He was nice about it and there's a remote possibility he'll return to ask for my services later in the year, but I'm not expecting it.
He may have a small freelance job for me pretty soon, which'll be nice if it happens. They decided they needed to invest in a different area, and it's one they do need to attend to, so I understand.

I just need to move on, move ahead, and focus locally. Which would be a lot less stressful anyway.

I am still SO glad I had that trip, those discussions, and his validation (which I believe was sincere) at THAT time. It did me a world of good and got me through the worst of the shock period. AND, I got to see a whole new chunk of the country that was fascinating and gorgeous. No regrets at all.

Tomorrow I am going to hustle, finish my resume, and get some applications in. (I have to do that consistently in order to receive unemployment.)

Night,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Well, the Big Fantasy Job (from the trip across the country) didn't pan out.
He was nice about it and there's a remote possibility he'll return to ask for my services later in the year, but I'm not expecting it.
He may have a small freelance job for me pretty soon, which'll be nice if it happens. They decided they needed to invest in a different area, and it's one they do need to attend to, so I understand.

I just need to move on, move ahead, and focus locally. Which would be a lot less stressful anyway.

I am still SO glad I had that trip, those discussions, and his validation (which I believe was sincere) at THAT time. It did me a world of good and got me through the worst of the shock period. AND, I got to see a whole new chunk of the country that was fascinating and gorgeous. No regrets at all.

Tomorrow I am going to hustle, finish my resume, and get some applications in. (I have to do that consistently in order to receive unemployment.)

Night,
Hops

I'm glad you know, Hops, even though it wasn't the news you were expecting, but I've always found it difficult to put effort into something if I'm waiting (hoping) for something else to pan out so you can put your whole energy into something local now and I'm keeping my fingers crossed something enjoyable comes up for you.  And glad you did the trip and got that bit of adventure under your belt - you've had scary situations to cope with recently and you've sailed through all of them, quivering inside, I know, but looking like Boudicca on the outside.  Onwards and upwards, I'm rooting for ya! xx

[sKePTiKal]

OK, so that interaction had a purpose that wasn't exactly a guarantee of employment, in the future. Still a win, in Hops column. I have to tell you, what I'm hearing from people trying to find work these days, is that most of the time you can interview - even twice - and then hear absolutely nothing, if for some reason they selected someone else or didn't hire for that position at all.

It's a measure of how much respect that man had for your abilities, that he did promptly let you know the outcome of their meeting. And maybe he even likes you on a personal level??? Maybe?? 

With your resume, I'd be tempted to use respect from the employer as the litmus test for whether that situation would work for you. In this day & age, too many are seeking any means toward an end (ye olde bottom line) and it just ain't fittin' - to quote Mammy in Gone with the Wind. They treat human beings as "resources" or "assets" -- and not people. Hence, my misgivings when "personnel" became "human resources". The language matters more than anyone is acknowledging. And euphemisms, and twisting definitions, and all that have proceeded as a way to white wash plain old bad intentions. It's epidemic in business.

[lighter]

OK.

Now you know, Hops.

The path isn't going left....
it's going right.

::nod::

You're away from N boss, and will certainly find your way.

I wish wish wish I had something for you to work on before you get too busy.
Lighter

[Meh]

Well you certainly got your feet wet in the job searching arena in a big way by going to that interview. I find that interviews are a reminder that it's a big world out there. We all need that reminder sometimes I think (I know I do need that reminder). Good luck Hops. I hope you find something that suits you and is more nurturing or at least has better personalities than the last Narcissistic boss guy. You are so likable, I'm sure it's just a matter of time, cast the net. Throw the jerk fishes back.

I know personal budget and economy forces us to do stuff. Hopefully something good will come out of all of this though.

[Hopalong]

Thanks, everybody.
Just got to keep plugging away day by day, being sure I sent in at least one application a day, and forge ahead.

I can't afford to think about how much UNemployment there is, just keep my focus on my upcoming EMploy.
And to remember that compared to many people in the world, most even, I am an incredibly fortunate person.

Que sera, sera.

xo
Hops

[Hopalong]

Hi folks,
I'm kind of staggering through the weekly job applications to qualify for unemployment payments. I find it so daunting I can't explain it. Partly the sheer exhaustion of filling out form after form, not having a home printer, the complexity of the online applications and the very very very detailed requirements that make one application "count" and another not. It's like my paperwork phobia just got put on steroids.

I have an urgent need to get organized and without the structure of a daily job (even the one I loathed), my ADD is rioting and I am struggling to function. I'll get a second wind, but wanted to express that here.

On the better-news front (I hope), I did see an employment attorney and he has sent a "counter offer" to Nboss. If Nboss would like me to go away and never say anything publically negative about him or the company, he should agree. It was a bit more than double what he offered (a little over 6 months' salary) and the attorney mentioned "considering the value of her claims" we felt it was appropriate. Those "claims", he stated as, "She was integral to the growth and success of the company for eight years, and at the same time was subjected to unequal pay in comparison to comparable male coworkers, and was subjected to bullying and intimidation." Seeing those words from an "authority figure" was balm. (Reminded me of when the judge stopped Nbrother in his tracks.)

None of this means that I will wind up with: 1) one cent, 2) his initial piddling offer, or 3) anything else.

But it did feel good to act in my own behalf, even though the outcome could stink. Nboss is vindictive and loathes me passionately now. On the other hand, I shared with the attorney a very long email from the CEO (private to me) which acknowledged in detail the bullying I'd been subjected to and how Nboss abetted it and made it worse, and how he didn't know how I'd stood it. I feel sorry for CEO's naivete in writing me that, but given that he dropped me like a hot potato, I think he will have to cope with the fact that I have that in my quiver.

Leaves him in an awful position of not wanting Nboss to know that HE (CEO) was once on my side...but I'm afraid that's the situation he's in. If he is able to prevail over Nboss's venom and irrationality, hopefully they'll come back with a better counter. When I first lost the job I thought I wouldn't want a penny of Nboss' filthy money, but now I know I really can't afford to turn up my nose at it.

The last possibility is that Nboss would refuse to offer me a dime in severance but at the same time "vigorously fight" (his quote) my unemployment benefits. He believes that because he "wrote me up" (an orchestrated depiction of me as "not getting along with people" which really meant his son) -- I don't qualify. But a labor attorney told my other attorney friend that if they state "restructuring" in a termination interview (which he did and CEO is my witness)...then I do qualify. It's not about being "liked" but about the legal rights. We'll see.

Anyway, worst case is I get no severance and Nboss fights my unemployment, but I can also have an attorney present at the hearing, and I think I'd prevail.

Ugh to all of it. Just wanted to vent.

love
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I echo your "ugh", Hops.  Hooray to freedom from that man but the reality of paperwork, form filling and other tedious but somehow unavoidable chores does take the edge off things a bit.  I'm very glad things with your employment attorney sound positive, though, and it is always nice when someone 'official' validates your experience, as you say.

Re paperwork and form filling, something that helps me with those mountains is to break things down into fifteen minute chunks.  That always seems easier to me to manage and I usually find once I get going I can get through it with less effort that I thought it would take.  I don't know much about ADD, though, so don't know if that would affect any kind of particular approach?

The thing I did think of as I read your post (and feel free to ignore it completely if it sounds daft) is a meditation I've been doing about dealing with anxiety.  I have found it so helpful I can't tell you, very painful at first, letting out a lot of old hurt and anger, but I'm feeling some quite profound changes from it now and am trying to do it everyday.  It's on YouTube, read by someone called Jason Stephenson and it's called 'a Guided Meditation for Anxiety - The Magic Book' (I just put in meditation for anxiety and it was on a whole list that came up).  I'm finding it really helpful and it's about fifteen minutes long which I find is enough for me.

Other than that - can only say I'm thinking of you and hoping that this hideousness is rewarded by a good job with nice people sooner rather than later xx

[sKePTiKal]

Wow Hops... sounds like the lawyer thinks there's a case here. I don't know what to tell you or what we should hope for, for you, from that. It's been my (limited) experience, that this method of coping with malevolent azzholes most of the time, simply continues the agony of having to deal with them and their universe. (see: Lighter's ongoing encounters). It takes a lot of strength, endurance, and a surety of oneself... a confidence... to see something like that through. Sometimes (maybe not in this situation) the possible benefit isn't worth the agony. It was certainly worth it, taking on your Nbrother. I simply don't know.

My method has usually consisted of fleeing as completely as I can, and trying as much as possible to land on my feet. That hasn't always worked out the way I planned it either.

But the bit that I can really relate to, is the ADD problem and well, the paperwork. I'm pretty well buried in paperwork too. And it would appear that this one corporate entity is going to be a thorn in my side. Right now, I'm just trying to breathe my way through that one and not make it worse by getting upset that according to them, I'm not following their rules... but, of course, they're not even telling me their rules... until AFTER I've done what I think is best. Grrrrrrrrrr. Going to delegate that one, I think.

On a more personal, experiential level:

Your daily routine... the touchstones of each day have changed as much as mine have. And in both cases, they were externally determined - be at work at such & such a time, feed Mike every 3 hours, that kind of thing. When the external expectation is removed - it's just fine at first. But later on, the vacumn begins to be noticeable and well... what should, or does, a person want to fill it with? Some of us kind of flail our way through that; others know just what they want; and the rest of us are blindfolded, trying to fumble our way through the discovery process to figure out what works for us. Social interaction of some sort helps us see the possibilities, too. I think there just might be time in your (and my) exploration process for new external "controls" on the minutes in our lives... to at least check out free exercise classes or book clubs or something.