Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
To Tell Or Not To Tell?
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on January 15, 2016, 01:06:11 PM ---I'm very excited for you, Tupp.
Planning your big move..... getting so close.
How is your darling boy feeling about the move?
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Lighter. He doesn't know about it, which I know sounds terrible but, because of the way his special needs affect his understanding there are two problems. Firstly, moving house isn't something he can understand because, although we have done it before, he doesn't remember because he was young so he doesn't have an experience to compare it to. To just talk about something like that with him makes him very anxious; with him it's generally better to just say on the day, whatever the situation is "we're going to so and so's house/the doctor/a hospital/this new place" and explain it as we go. They always recommend social stories with autism but they've never worked with him and just make him more worried so I've found giving him the information as he needs it works best.
The second problem is that I don't want anyone to know where we're going or when, or even know we're leaving until the day before. He can't keep secrets because he doesn't really understand what that means, besides which I don't like the idea of telling a child they have to keep something quiet, it always makes me think of abuse! He kind of lives in his own little world and as long as he has his stuff he's happy. So my current plan is to just tell him on the day that we're going to put all our things in a van and move them to (obviously he'll have seen the place we're going to because he'll be with me when we look around places) such and such a place which he'll understand then because it's physical things he can actually see and as long as he knows his stuff is in there he'll be happy. He's in the dark as much as everyone else, although for different reasons! But once we're in and his room is set up as he likes it he'll be happy. I'm excited for him, this very solitary, almost in hiding existence we have here is what he's known for such a long time, he's unaware of how it impacts on me because obviously we keep our negatives from our kids for the most part, don't we, and he's not aware that once we've moved we'll have a bit more money and we'll have new places to explore and people to spend time with. There's a lot more for kids to do where we're heading; I suppose you go back to the old saying of 'you covet what you know' - he doesn't crave more because he's not really had more so I think it's going to be a really positive change for him as well as for me (at least that's what I'm hoping! Fingers crossed!).
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on January 15, 2016, 05:23:48 PM ---I love this expression!
--- Quote ---it just seems to fall out of their faces...
--- End quote ---
.
It's perfect. Spot on. And so funny.
:)
Hops
--- End quote ---
Ha! Thanks, Hops :) Does seem to happen that way, doesn't it, I have to confess I'm guilty of it myself, my mouth works a lot quicker than my brain. One of the things I like about forums is that I can think before I answer and I can keep changing the wording to get it right (or at least better than it would be if I said it) :) xx
Twoapenny:
Have been thinking as I've got on with a bit more early morning decorating that the looooong years of solitude we've been through living here will probably turn out to be a blessing. I've realised there are only a handful of people that I'll even tell we're going (and none of them will know where) and I was thinking about how I'll feel about not seeing people I know around here for the next year or so and I realised it will be so similar to the current set up (which seems to be the odd visit squeezed in for an hour here or there) that I probably won't even notice.
I'm about two thirds of the way through the decorating now and am making lists in my head of furniture I can get rid of and drawers to clear out. We're going to a much smaller place which I'm really looking forward to. I have realised all of this is very positive; I feel like I want to start reconnecting with the world after such a long period of hiding from it, but I want to reconnect with a new world that I've formed for myself, not the one I carved out trying to survive and then escape my mum, and trying to protect my son from her. I do feel stronger, I realised this morning, and I don't feel scared the whole time. This feeling of looking forward instead of looking over my shoulder is lovely and I'm hoping it will continue.
All good! Long may it last :)
lighter:
I'm rooting for you, Tupp.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on January 17, 2016, 12:21:02 AM ---I'm rooting for you, Tupp.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Lighter! It is much appreciated :) I am really looking forward to getting on here with a tale of, yes, we did it! Things are falling into place, it's really funny but I usually feel as if there are obstacles in my path but things feel kind of light and easy at the moment, not really sure why but I am enjoying the feeling :) xx
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