Lighter update

[lighter]

Well the Kondo book arrived yesterday, and just reading over the chapter titles is exciting. 

The main message is..... there's a way to DO tidying, and not backslide.  There's a way to DO it that transforms our entire lives, it's something we have to be taught.  No one every learns how to properly DO it.  Of course, we're going to struggle if we lack the skills, knowledge, and systems to make lasting change.

Kondo also writes that most of her clients are women over 50 who have been in charge of households for over 30 years.  That's certainly, and I'm ready to live in the clean sunny spaces she keeps talking about. 

I'm ready to dive in, but there's also procrastination.  My yard has SO many branches, twigs, and sticks in it with recent winds, and all the large trees constantly dropping things.  I had bushes removed when the front porch was replaced.... the bushes are still there.  My yard is not as tidy as the neighbor's yards..... it bugs me.

I have bulbs to plant, and ferns waiting for permanent homes.  It's beautiful outside!  I feel like I should be out there, but book beckons.  I think I'll chunk, do some more reading, then spend a couple hours outside, then a couple inside.  The thing is...... tidying according to Kondo should be a marathon. 

I don't have it figured out, but I have energy for it, and look forward to teaching my girls as I go.  What an amazing thing to learn as a teenager.  I wish I'd have been given these tools when I was their age.

About the Brain Integration Therapy..... I live 10 minutes from a practitioner.  If anyone wants more information feel free to ask.  Friday and Sat appts are saved for out of town clients, and she sees a lot of people from out of State, etc.

both dd15 and I could feel things getting moved around as the practitioner worked.  My face felt like it wanted to spasm off my skull at one point yesterday.... little jabs in the brain as she worked, don't-cha know.  I'm just so hopeful.  The main goal for me is to correct all the vision involvement, and unswitch how information enters the wrong side of my brain..... I lose 50% then 50% of the information as my brain has to transfer the information to the correct side, then back again.  I have to read and re read things to really understand information, and now I understand why.

BIT can also correct/balance allergies, and difficult emotions, etc.  I know that as I spoke about things she would stop what she was working on and work on what came up..... emotional stuff.  She's going to teach me basic skills of muscle testing..... I feel so blessed, and ready to happily move into a better place. 

It's different than feeling I SHOULD.  Last night I was very focused on cleaning and slicing beets very thin for roasting.  Then the chicken, and broccoli I prepared for dinner.  I didn't feel like I should be doing anything else.... and I really enjoyed being present in those moments, although it was just a tad difficult not to stop and put lights up on the deck.  SO pretty outside.   It feels like it's time for major change... and it's deja vu.  I've been here before, but there was always somethng pressing, or crisis taking my focus.  Also, I just didn't have the ability to identify strategies or facilitators...... it's happening.

Right now that's what everything's about, and I've also accepted that my childrens' journeys are their own.  I'm stepping back, and letting them feel out driving their own boats...... I'm not the driver any more, which frees me up to concentrate on me and my stuff. 

My stuff needs some work, ::nodding:.... quite a bit o fit.

It's time.

Amber..... you're going to have a wonderful celebration of Mike's life. 

Lighter

 

[Twoapenny]

This all sounds so amazing, Lighter, you sound so peaceful and at ease and so you should be, this is a lovely time for you and your girls and a lovely place for you all to be

[lighter]

Thanks, Tupp.

I got a ton of work done in the yard today....... my back's not happy, but it's just fatigue.  Sitting in moss, clearing sticks out of moss..... planning to thicken up the moss in spare areas.... did I tell you I love moss? 

I spent an hour in the kitchen putting it in order, though I know there's a huge reckoning on the way.... today was not that day.  I did 4 loads of laundry, and put it all away.

I spent a sunny hour on the new front porch reading Kondo's book, having dragged my big lovely rocking chairs up so they can be enjoyed.   

I think there's magic in those pages.  It's a way of changing the way we view our things, and our thoughts about them.

I left the bulbs out so I have to deal with them this week.  I'm looking forward to it actually. 

I wanted to put up the fairy lights on the back porch, but that didn't happen.  When I get to that I'll take covers off the benches, and (shame shame) drag the Christmas tree to the burn pile next to the Amazon Fire Pit.  I really love the smell of Christmas tree when I walk by.  I'm guessing this practice would give Kondo the vapors.  Last year I do it, I promise KONDO!

The mailbox had a lovely note from someone asking if I'm interested in selling my house..... they  want to buy it.  It is a special  lot, though I hadn't realized I lost a tree at the forest's edge.  What a mess.  Someone did a lot of work on the run off ditch/stream bed when it rains, which was great BUT it had to be my elderly neighbor....
 ::feeling guilt::   I'll get better at it as I become less overwhelmed with things like renovating, moving, entertaining family, and girl's school. 

I'm thinking of going back to school actually. 

::nodding::

I'm going to get clean, and settle in for FACE OFF feeling pretty darned good. 

 I have another appt with BIT gal tomorrow, so it won't be till afternoon till I get to plant anything.

What a glorious day.... breezy, sunny, and cool. 

Lighter

 

[lighter]

I had a bit of extra time this morning, and it was exciting to spend time working on tidying up in preparation of marathon clean outs.  Clean outs have always been difficult for me, mainly bc I'm the one who's charged with hanging on to family "stuff."

When my brother married, his wife cleaned out his much larger house, and dropped off all the family things being stored there to my much smaller home.  I have things my children have laid claim to....... it's a problem.  My SIl doesn't have a problem with clutter, but I've also been hanging on to things her children could want.  My father's home is filled with things that belong to me, my sibs and our ancestors.  I have to deal with it, but that's far down, and last frankly, on the list.  We aren't to touch photos or keepsakes or heirlooms until we've learned to discern.  Discernment mostly includes handling each item in a category, from a large pile on the floor, and asking it if it brings us joy.  If not, it goes.  We're to honor our belongings.... talk to them.  Edit.  Find permanent homes for them.  Choose another category.  Edit.  Find p homes for them, and so on.

The one thing that's such a relief from the Kondo book is..... she makes it possible to deal with THINGS, and let them go without guilt/angst.  It appears to get easier as we go, and so she's laid out a very stringent order to which we tackle our entire house.  Dealing with our things means we're dealing with all the emotions surrounding them.  We finish things, entirely, and then we clean out, release, and give up things that hold that emotional charge.  It's really makes sense, and I could never have done this without a new world view on stuff, IMO.

I accepted I have to hire people to take things out of my hands when I organize and edit THINGS.  Buying this book is the same thing, but it teaches me to take things out of my hands, and that's sea change for me.

Onward. 

Lighter

[lighter]

Massive day for BIT.  It really hit home how much work is happening when I was tracking a pen right to left, then left to right, and my left eye shot off on it's own.  A few minutes later, and it got better.... a few minutes more, and both eyes were tracking smoothly.... felt like they were on ballbearings BIG difference.  I was looking for concrete changes like that to validate this decision.

I mean.... I'm on the table for 5 hours, so I have a lot of time to think about a lot of things...... What if this is all in my mind... etc.

There were times my face felt like it wanted to tweak off my skull.  Times I could feel things going on inside my brain.... pulsing, heat, etc.  Face tingling right now. 

There were times I lost my balance, and times I felt fuzzy, and a bit sick to my stomach..... the sick happened later in the day after leaving her office.

All in all I felt like a ton was accomplished, and she taught me 3 quick easy  kinesiology techniques..... she's eager to share her knowledge, which I love.

I go back for last session tomorrow.

So far, so good.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

This all sounds so amazing, Lighter.  It's funny how it's a very human response to wonder if we're imagining things or making more of them than we should, despite the fact we can quite clearly tell they are happening to us and making life difficult at times.  It seems to be something that most people do.  I'm really glad that this is helping so much, it sounds like an amazing experience and I am definitely going to read up on this sort of thing some more once the house move is out of the way.

By funny coincidence, I've been having a big clear out here so your post about the de-cluttering really rang a bell.  I have a lot of stuff in my home that I've acquired over the years during times of high stress.  My typical defence reaction when being accused of something to do with my son was always to go into supermum drive and 'prove' my worth with elaborate craft projects with him and endless boxes of 'proof' of the work we were doing together at home.  How do you prove you love someone and have their best interests at heart, in a practical sense, to someone who has already decided that you are doing something wrong?  I've wasted so much time having to prove myself to other people.

So I have been dumping a lot of this stuff.  Old memories, bad memories; although the things we made were nice, we made them for the wrong reasons, and everytime I look at them I'm reminded of that particular bad period.  I've even dumped them in the bin; usually I go to great lengths to recycle or pass on things, but I felt the need to destroy and so I have.  I am feeling lighter, funnily enough   May have to pinch your username

[Hopalong]

Lighter, I hope you'll post and post about your Kondo experience...thank you for this glimpse of such sanity!

Tupp, it boggles my mind that on top of the fears and stresses of raising an autistic child as a single parent, you got loaded up with extra stress in the form of intrusion, accusation, judgement and isolation.

If anybody deserves a joyful-gypsy experience for a while, it is YOU. I hope it all leads to rewarding relationships and rewarding work, too.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Tupp:

I bet it feels so good to bin all those reminders of stress, fear, and wrongful accusations.  Just pitching... and pitching.... done with. 

::nodding::

I uncovered the benches and table on back porch.  dd13 dragged Christmas tree and wreath to burn pile.... made me smile to see her smell the tree and smell it..... she said.... "But it smells so good," in a dreamy way.   She reminds me of me.

I picked up sticks, and acorns and leaves in the back yard.  Blew off the back porch. 

After my last my last 6 hours on the table with BIT gal, I really feel this is the best money I've spent in years.  I did puzzles, and was amazed at how easy it was.  Usually it's a struggle.  I could repeat up to 7 numbers without a problem..... she figured out the 5s tripped me up every time, and fixed it. 

She also cleared heavy metals.... I've been taking Ziolites in water.... it's volcanic ash that attaches to the toxins so they can leave the body.  She also finished all the emotional work, and it was amazing.  I figured out I don't hold that many negative grudge type feelings, but the ones I do..... they was powerful.  Interesting.  We were clearing like mad in the last hour.... which was one hour over the time we set.  I felt like we did a lot.  Next week it's youngest dd13, and she's looking forward to it, thank goodness.

The BIT gal asked if I passed out last night, and I had to admit I had.  Actually I woke up at 1:40am in the bathtub.   I haven't napped in the tub since before I had children, and it was so hard hard hard to wake up.  Interesting.  I'm beginning to drag right now...... must get dinner, then thing about going right to bed.

Hops:  I might clean out my closet this weekend.... that's the first step, which includes taking out every article of clothing, and putting it in the middle of the floor.  Anything I  miss automatically gets binned, so nothing must be left out.  Once that happens, I touch everything one at a time, and ask myself if it gives me joy.  Only those things I say YES to may stay.  Once I go through every single item I can begin putting things away.

I'm toying with the idea of a garage sa of mostly furniture.

I can get busy painting all the things I've meant to shabby chic...... a bed with matching side table, many chairs, a biergarten table and benches.  I'm also going to put the second closet in my master back in order as an office.  It's designated as another place to sleep, with tv and narrow bench, but it's just not very useful most of the time. 

Lots to do, Hops.  You should get the book, and peruse yourself; )

Lighter

[lighter]

I finished the Kondo book this morning, and very naturally walked into my bedroom, and started taking things out of my closet.  I threw them on the floor, and felt perfectly OK with it. 

Had I started before finishing the book I wouldn't have understood what needed to happen, internally,  to let go of certain emotionally charged things items I wasn't sure I'd ever let go of.

Kondo tells us to begin with clothing bc she assumes it's less emotionally charged.... she wants us to practice our skills of discernment, but....... there were many ghosts living in my closet.  Maybe every woman's closet has ghosts?  I'm not sure, but I actually let go of the big fabulous wool sweater my friend used to wear.... she loved it.  I loved it on her.  I wanted to love it on me, but..... wool.  I'm allergic to wool.
 Maybe my kids would wear it? 
They'll never wear it. 
It's scratchy, and has to be dry cleaned..... the kiss of death in this family.

So today I picked up that very special sweater... thanked it for all the years of service it had given my friend, then I remembered all the years of service our friendship had gifted us both.  I remembered the best and worst times we shared.  How we comforted each other when our lives were shattered... how we laughed the hardest we've ever laughed.  She was the last person who knew how special Bill and I were together.... what it was when I lost him.  She testified at the trial that saved my life, and she was one of the last people who knew who I really am.  She knew how strong I was, and how hard I could hit.  She knew Bill loved me, and that I lost the love of my life when I lost him. 

THAT is dealing with unfinished business.   It means I can send that sweater into the world, and tend to myself in this moment.  I'll never have that friendship again, or Bill, or a multitude of things I've lost.... my Mother, the life I thought I had when I married, and had children.  What I can do is go on and have other wonderful things, and chances increase as I make space in my life for them. 

It's misleading to assume this book is about organization. 

It's not.

Honestly, I feel like I could tackle the photos and keepsakes at this point, and not get so mired I couldn't finish.

That's huge progress for someone who's been charged as the family keeper of heirloom china, clothing, photos, and kitchen items from the old farmhouse.  And I have to do this when my sister's not here, bc she'd feel obligated to box everything up and take up the post of family keeper.  I won't let that happen.

Now..... one of the more difficult items will be the fish plates and a Platter from my Mother in my favorite colors.  My Aunt and Uncle told me they thought I should get rid of it, not put it up in my kitchen where I planned..... they think they're ugly.  I love the lovely spring greens, and subtle grays in the pattern.  I have the mounting discs ready to go, but I've resisted putting them up. Is it bc I don't trust myself?  Do I trust my Aunt and Uncle more? 

The journey continues.

Lighter

[debkor]

Light,

No you don't trust your Aunt and Uncle more of what  "you like" I say "Hang Those Plates"!!  And enjoy them. I for one probably have a mixture of things in my home. Don't care if some one else "doesn't like it" I do. I have a piece of "every one" in my house. I like old and new. Some how I'm able to make it work. And I love it.
 
Hang them!!
 
Deb

[lighter]

Deb:

It makes me feel happy to think about mounting those plates and platter..... and I will. : )

As of now, my brain is throbbing from BIT, left side mostly on top, and all day today the top of my brain.  

DD13 had her first BIT session today, and was quite dizzy and sleepy during and afterwards.  BC she slept through much of it things went very quickly.  They completed lymbic system, and started work on vision, which they'll finish next week.

I've hit a snag in my bedroom organization...... it's confusing to have two closets the size of small bathrooms, each housing mixed items including clothing, medications, paints and wood finishing supplies, file cabinets, and a tv...... I'm sure there's more, but I moved the bench/bed and headboard out, so that's done, but..... so many moving pieces.

So, I have all this space, and all this stuff.  Emptying, editing....... I can't take ONE thing and finish it which is what book says has to happen, lest we get lost.  I'm a bit lost.  I can't just DO clothes, bc I have all this stuff where the clothing might go.... not sure what I'll put where, and have to know what I have left to know how much space will be needed.  ::Brain throbbing::

I think trying to do this work NOW is part of what makes me brain throb, frankly.  BIT lady said that it takes 6 weeks for brain to calm down.  Do I move the meds into the other closet?  Into the hall closet?  The bathroom?  Do I need the cool white medicine cabinet at my dad's?  Where would I put it?  ::throb throb::

On a positive note, dd15 started to melt down last night over not getting her way.  Melting down is her default response.  I watched her in the reaview mirror as she stopped, looked puzzled, then asked out loud why she was reacting that way.  Then she chose another reaction.... being polite, and engaging me in a mature discussion that lead to her getting a compromise that pleased us both.

I asked her if that was the first time she noticed that reaction, and she said it was the second time.  JOY JOY JOY JOY!!!!!!!!

This is the first time she identified that behavior, had control enough to stop it, and figure out a better way to react. 

THIS IS HUGE!  

The BIT gal said she got shivers hearing this, and it's what makes her job so fulfilling.  She hears these stories all the time, and I'm just so thrilled!

I'm working on master bath design,trying to figure out what furniture to keep, what to paint and sell, and what to put where,  policing up house in not so KONDO fashion, keeping kids on track with school stuff which is a challenge bc of recent sickness, and oldest dd's situation which is improving (she has till April 15 to complete entire 3rd quarter work, which she can do easily) but I'm concerned, and she responds better if i don't speak to her about her schedule, etc.  It's so hard to step back, and let them take ownership, but that's what I have to do.

We have appt with career/University choice guidance counselor next week, and I'm hoping that gives both kiddos focus and food for thought..... really want dd15 to find some passion for career path, not that she has to stick with it, but..... she'd really enjoy researching a career and what has to happen to make it so IF she can identify a passion out side of something in" computer science."  The process includes exploring several careers, with successful mentors giving input and guidance from those fields.

::crossing fingers::

I forgot, I also have to get to Step fathers to pick up big piece of furniture, and some things of my Mother's.  It'll be fun to figure out where to put it..... it's a piece with maybe..... 40 small drawers in it.  Not sure what I'll use it for, but I'll be working on it: )

Lighter

[Hopalong]

This may comfort you some, Lighter...
Don't give up on the Kondo bits that speak to you but don't make it a perfectionist thing either.
That might be HER problem!

http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/03/marie-kondo-and-the-privilege-of-clutter/475266/#article-comments

love,
Hops

[lighter]

Thanks for that, Hops.


I had an epiphany when I read the word "perfection."

I think I have to have everything lined up just right.... multi tasking spaces, maximizing storage.

You know what?  My clothing doesn't take up 1/4 of my closet.... the one closet.  I was viewing everything, every foot of height and width as space I had to fill up, perfectly organize, and have ready for usefulness.

What a choking bad mistake that was.....

::shaking it off::

I don't have to fill up my closets.  I don't have to live by some potential for each square foot in my head.... it can just be open clear clean space, right?

I think I'll work on paperwork tonight, then address the stuff when I'm fresh in the morning.

Thanks, Hops.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Thanks for that, Hops.


I had an epiphany when I read the word "perfection."

I think I have to have everything lined up just right.... multi tasking spaces, maximizing storage.

You know what?  My clothing doesn't take up 1/4 of my closet.... the one closet.  I was viewing everything, every foot of height and width as space I had to fill up, perfectly organize, and have ready for usefulness.

What a choking bad mistake that was.....

::shaking it off::

I don't have to fill up my closets.  I don't have to live by some potential for each square foot in my head.... it can just be open clear clean space, right?

I think I'll work on paperwork tonight, then address the stuff when I'm fresh in the morning.

Thanks, Hops.

Lighter

Lighter, I am currently in love with 'space', I am really enjoying emptying rooms as I pack.  I'm clearing away loads of stuff, stuff we don't need, projects I started but never finished, books I've never read but kept because friends gave them to me.  Clothes - I don't have many so I can't clear too much away there, but I've split them into clothes I love and then all the others and I'm trying to wear something I love every day, even if it's just a pair of earrings.  But I'm feeling like space in my home means space in my head as well, and maybe space in my heart as well?  Space to welcome, rather than being clogged up with being afraid?  Either way, space is feeling lovely at the moment, maybe you'll find you enjoy it, too? xx

[lighter]

Tupp..... when I walk into my bedroom it feels TWICe AS LARGE with all the editing, and moving things about.  TWICE AS LARGE.... that's incredible to me.  And it feels really really good.

The habit to have stuff, organize stuff, have it just in case is something I'm identifying, and struggling with daily, but mindfully, and with hope.

It makes me happy to see you're choosing something to wear daily that brings you joy. I think about that, then go about my busy business not actually following through.... but at least choosing something that brings me comfort, with the goal being JOY at some point.

It does make me happy to look into my closet and see only things that bring me joy and comfort, opposed to so many things I can't see anything clearly.

Oh, and I did find another darned black and white sweater from my friend who passed away. 

::shaking head::
It's still in my closet.....but.....  It's not wool.  Sure, it's too short, but it could be layered... and on and on my circular arguments go with myself.

I think I was doing much better when all I had to think about was that big pile of clothing on the floor.  Kondo is pretty wise, actually.

::accepting the black and white sweater needs to go into the give away pile::

Kond said everything we forget to put in the pile gets automatically binned.

::nodding and putting disc 22 of Rutherfurd's PARIS book on CD into computer as background noise while I work::

I feel better.

((((Tupp))))

Editing our stuff is a good thing, but we'll stick with it, and see how that works out for us: )

Lighter