Paralysis analysis

[Hopalong]

I want to read that.
I think shame has been a huge factor in my depression.
Feelings of failure. Parenthood. Work. Garden. Creative life.

Thanks, G.

Hops

[debkor]

Hops,

We all or most have fear of being a failure. I sure do. And I fail at times, sometimes by choice. Like this past week. Things are over whelming and everything is out of control. Sometimes they are not in my control. Sure I try to keep everything in order but then One Thing happens and throws you off. Then another and another.  And I do a ..F it. Now when I do this it's going to get worse but I have to step back and really quiet myself and rest my body.  I don't know what's more depressing looking at a mess or knowing things are going to get put back in order (big cleaning job) inside out. Shew!

But yes I shut down! Yes I fail! And Yes I am a Human that feels very afraid at times. No shame in that although we tend to set standards that No Human could keep 24/7 for ourselves. We speak kinder to others then we do to ourself. We wouldn't shame another over being tired, being afraid, being depressed.  I do that to myself too at times.

It's okay Hops. It's alright to examine and feel bad. It does not make you a failure. It makes you human. Don't be so hard on yourself. I've reminded myself to do the same. It's been a bad week. So right now I'm looking eyeball to eyeball with my little pug sitting in the middle of the kitchen table just wagging her tail away. I gave her a slice of my cheese and a hug and put her down. She is NOT allowed on my table but tomorrow is another day and we will start over and reinforce..No table!  I should have done it tonight but I failed to do it.

So me too Hops...I fail at things too But I'm not a failure, Neither are you! Don't be scared.  Cause I am too.  We'll get through things.  We always do. 

Love Deb

[Hopalong]

Aww, Deb.

What a kind and loving response.

Thank you, dear woman. And the bonus is, makes me so happy you popped up!

I'm really sorry you've had one of those One Thing+ weeks. I hope the step by step approach really works you out of the mess.

You do have a source of power though...PUG POWAAAAAAAAAAH!

Aren't pets just the best? My pooch gives me so much devoted affection I'm just amazed by her.
I've never had an animal who craves close contact more, and it was exactly what I needed to.
When either of us is scared we just lie close together until we both wind down. It's drug-free magic!

I start training for my new job on Tuesday (wine server for tastings at a winery...simple, people job in lovely places.)

Thank you for helping get me unstuck.

I went to church today and the youth (13-17) ran the service. They each gave their faith statements, and I loved
hearing them. They were different (some mystical, some matter of fact and earth-centered, some open to belief, one atheist)--but what
they all had in common was a firm confidence that their core principle is to treat people with love, fairness and kindness. One said, I have learned that there is nothing wrong with not respecting a person's opinion, but we must always respect the person. It hit me how clear, unaxious, confident and free they were, in stating their own individual religious creeds as UUs. They weren't operating out of guilt or fears, but from their exploration of spirituality and theology and all kinds of religions. They were thoughtful and centered and warm.

On the way out I was trying to express why I liked them so much to a SW friend, and she said, what's unique about this service, and about them, is that they don't have to be "right." And that was beautiful. She nailed it.

Thanks again, Deb...hope you'll stick around.

Hugs
Hops
but

[lighter]

Congrats on the new job, Hops.... even if it's not your dream job, it's another open door that likely leads to a place you really want to be in, IMO. 

::nodding::

HI HIHIHIHI Deb

We have a year old Pug baby girl, and she's just buddery lovely chubby goodness in our lives.  She's not allowed in the kitchen, and if she forgets we get out the squirt bottle... nicknamed "Caesar" Milan, which Pug recognizes, and obeys.  We don't even have to squirt her anymore........
she knows. 

I just had company and my house is under control, but I have plenty of nitty gritty editing and organizing to dive into that I'm resisting.  I did my clothes with the Marie Kundo book, but haven't started another  phase yet.  Books are next.  I'm anticipating a huge garage sale in the fall.

Organizing and editing is like pulling apart a knot for me.  Things have to get much worse to make them better...
things out of sight are out of mind, so I just dive in, make a splendid mess when I start any project, and know I'll be making peace with it till it's done. 

It's daunting, and I have to be in the right head space while resisting being hard on myself.  Things go more quickly if my inner voice is monitored, kind and patient.  If I need things to go more quickly, I have to get someone else involved, and I don't mind asking anymore.  No shame in it anymore. 

Nice to see you on the board, Deb.

Lighter

[sea storm]

Hops

It is so hard to be in a new, strange and unsupported place and the advice to just let go seems the best one. You are not Depressed because you want to stay in your jammies and hide under the covers. If you want to take crack or meth or something its problematic but you have gone through so much and pushed a very big rock up the hill for years. Sometimes just letting go and letting yourself feel all the losses  is the beginning of resurrecting yourself. It is hard work reinventing yourself.
A psychologist years ago suggested spending twenty four hours in bed and doing as little as possible as one of the best aids to lifting dark moods. I think it works.

This shame spiral you are in about being a failure makes me think you are isolating. You are wonderful. If you can bestir yourself to even go out for coffee it helps to shift things. Loneliness is a big stressor.

So preachy, but I just want to help you.

Lots of love
sea

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Lighter and Sea....most mucho.

Mood is lifting already now that the job's begun.
It's busy and physically active and means I meet people who are doing a recreational activity, in good moods, and that makes such a diff.
I'll be tired for a month as I'd gotten sedentary but now at least 3 days a week won't be able to stay in bed!

I've noticed I'm starting to perk up and do little things like plant flowers. No grand scale but it does signify an upswing.

Whew.

I thought a lot about how bad it got (depression) for a few weeks there and realized that personality and living-sitch wise, I need to make an effort to (first choice) see someone ftf who cares about me every day, or if that's not possible, to talk to someone likewise. Even briefly, I know those contacts make a big difference in my mental health.

For me, texting just doesn't cut it, so I'm "training" friends to know that yes, that old-fashioned voice instrument, the telephone, still works...

And off topic but wth...if anybody in the U.S. is looking to economize, I can't recommend Ting.com enough. My cell bill was $17 this month!

Hugs all,
Hops

[lighter]

Hops:  I so identify with doing small pleasurable activities.  Today I'll hang a hummingbird house, and put dryer lint on ground beneath for nesting.  So happy to do this one small thing. 

I'm trying to cultivate gratitude for every meal, cup of coffee, and things I'm lucky to have in my life... clean running water, a washer/dryer, safe neighborhood, with neighbors.

I'm learning to balance the 51% rule for myself for the first time, and it's really a challenge.

I'm glad your new position is bringing energy into your life.  Glad to read you've been playing in the dirt again.

I think talking to people, touching base with other is also about being OK with one or two special folks  who know and accept us just as we are..... warts and all. 

OK.... I just finished hanging the hummingbird house.... so adorable.  Lint in place... pots watered.  It's a good day.

I really enjoyed reading your update, Hops. 

Lighter




   

 

[Twoapenny]

Thanks, Lighter and Sea....most mucho.

Mood is lifting already now that the job's begun.
It's busy and physically active and means I meet people who are doing a recreational activity, in good moods, and that makes such a diff.
I'll be tired for a month as I'd gotten sedentary but now at least 3 days a week won't be able to stay in bed!

I've noticed I'm starting to perk up and do little things like plant flowers. No grand scale but it does signify an upswing.

Whew.

I thought a lot about how bad it got (depression) for a few weeks there and realized that personality and living-sitch wise, I need to make an effort to (first choice) see someone ftf who cares about me every day, or if that's not possible, to talk to someone likewise. Even briefly, I know those contacts make a big difference in my mental health.

For me, texting just doesn't cut it, so I'm "training" friends to know that yes, that old-fashioned voice instrument, the telephone, still works...

And off topic but wth...if anybody in the U.S. is looking to economize, I can't recommend Ting.com enough. My cell bill was $17 this month!

Hugs all,
Hops

Glad you're enjoying the new job, Hops, it is lovely being around people who are having fun.  We used to live by the seaside years ago and it was always full of people on holiday, busy but such a different sort of busy to people who are rushing to and from work.  It was lovely, I'm glad you're enjoying it and completely understand what you mean about the phone!  For me texting is great for a quick 'I'm on my way' or 'I'm running a bit late' but I need to hear someone's voice, you want to hear the warmth in it and I love the sound of people laughing   Glad you've got some planting done as well x