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Tips for Boosting Self Esteem
Twoapenny:
Did the same meditation again and I think that will be the last time now. The little girl is happy, smiling, laughing, was happy to see me, happy to watch me go, everything felt easy. How funny that you can see a story in your mind like that and it can change over a period of time. It's a very soothing meditation for me, one I think I will bookmark to use during difficult times. Feel refreshed after doing it.
Hopalong:
It was so powerful that you experienced some hatred toward her, because that is such an honest representation of the self-hatred you internalized because of how you were parented. And you also found love for her.
I don't think you have to tie it up with a bow. She's there, you cannot hurt her, you can only learn from her.
You've had such courage to go so far within and be open to what you're learning there.
Bravo, Tupp.
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 16, 2016, 06:04:36 PM ---It was so powerful that you experienced some hatred toward her, because that is such an honest representation of the self-hatred you internalized because of how you were parented. And you also found love for her.
I don't think you have to tie it up with a bow. She's there, you cannot hurt her, you can only learn from her.
You've had such courage to go so far within and be open to what you're learning there.
Bravo, Tupp.
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hops :) It feels funny to think of those other parts as almost being like real people, it's an odd thing to describe, I think, but I have found it very helpful and I just feel different? I can't really explain it but I just don't feel as empty inside and I'm not giving myself such a hard time constantly?
I went on a sort of half date last night. He's a guy I went out with over twenty years ago, when we were both teenagers. We've got a couple of mutual friends so we've bumped into each other every now and again and met up for a drink last night. During the day I found myself being very critical of him, picking holes in anything he'd ever said or done, basically finding reasons not to go. And I realised that's how my anxiety presents itself; I've always thought I'm not particularly anxious because I don't think "Oh, I'm worried about this, and that, and something else". But I do get very snipy and I pick holes and judge and fuss and I think it's just to talk myself out of doing something. So I ignored the urge to cancel and went anyway. I don't think he's completely my type (or I his) but I had a nice enough couple of hours and I would be happy to go out with him again, although I've realised I prefer doing things on dates rather than sitting talking for hours so I might suggest a walk instead of the pub. But anyway, in the spirit of getting on with things and trying to live a normal life it was nice to get out and I feel like I've given myself a good nudge in the right direction.
It was interesting because I kept in mind what you said about asking about their mums (when you went out with your chappie a little while ago) and I'd met his mum years back. When I asked after her he got a bit teary because she's not well and they don't know if she'll get better and he said he was finding it hard to cope with which to me is a normal reaction to have which was quite reassuring.
Hopalong:
Heck, yeah.
His heart is affected with sadness at the upcoming loss of his mum?
He sounds human.
So glad you feel less empty inside.
There is someone in there.
love,
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 17, 2016, 05:20:24 PM ---Heck, yeah.
His heart is affected with sadness at the upcoming loss of his mum?
He sounds human.
So glad you feel less empty inside.
There is someone in there.
love,
Hops
--- End quote ---
It's funny, isn't it, I've got so used to negative feelings about my mum that it surprises me when other people don't and I have to remind myself that what I experienced isn't usual. I think as well because I mostly talk about my mum on here - with other people who've been through similar - I forget that other people have 'normal' childhoods. His family isn't without falling outs and disputes but that's normal, I think, he didn't say a lot about it but it sounded like the usual things most families go through. It didn't sound toxic.
I think here's to moving forward and getting over another stepping stone :) Have a lovely weekend, Hopsie xxx
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