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Tips for Boosting Self Esteem

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Hopalong:
You too, ((((Tupp)))!

Hops

Twoapenny:
Went on a date this evening with a man I met online dating.  He was nice, I enjoyed myself but ................... I have realised that pretty much any man triggers memories of my step-dad.  I think I'm going to use this dating time as an opportunity to work through some of those issues.  Not quite sure how!  But will work on it.

lighter:
Tupp:

How does it feel when you think of working through the sd issues?

You sound so very resolved, and calm about it.

Are you?

Lighter

Twoapenny:
Hi Lighter :)

I feel more resigned than calm, I think? I feel sort of groggy today, which I know is 'stuff' whirring about.  My default process seems to be that I just feel yucky for a while until whatever it is that's actually bothering me surfaces and I can work on it a bit.  I think it's that realisation as well that all men have similarities to other men, just through being male, if that makes sense.  So the guy last night was polite, articulate, well educated and could hold a conversation.  No comparison there to my step-dad.  But his hairline was receeding - as it will be with any guy in his forties - and there was just a moment that he turned his head and for a second I saw my step-dad there and felt sick.  He had his sleeves rolled up and at one point in the night rolled them back down and did them up - second flashback.  And then he adjusted his position in his chair and again, I saw my step-dad there. 

I think I've, for some reason, had a thing in my mind that it just wouldn't be an issue eventually, and that as long as I dated guys who were polite and considerate they'd be different enough to him not to trigger me.  But now I'm thinking that any 'maleness' is going to trigger it at some point.  I did find a therapist who seemed good (on paper).  I've not booked an appointment with her yet but I'm thinking it might be a good idea to start seeing her alongside the dating so that I can work through issues as they are triggered.  The cost is worrying me slightly but equally I think it's money well spend and it won't be forever - I think I might do a six week block and then see where I stand.  And perhaps focus on simply dealing with the triggers and flashbacks rather than trying to 'cure' myself of him, which I think now might never happen.

Anyway - things to ponder on.  How are you feeling now after speaking to the attorney yesterday? xx

Hopalong:
I'm so sorry you have to deal with sd flashbacks, ((((Tupp)))).
So very sorry.

I hope there is a T process that can desensitize you to those memories (sound PTSD, so perhaps asking potential Ts if they can approach your treatment from the perspective of you being a PTSD child abuse survivor). And still allow trust to build with a trustworthy man, capable of love and loyalty. No, not capable of these. Motivated by them.

love
Hops

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