So.... today I will bust a FAB to begin my morning.
I FEEL _____________ ABOUT ________________ BECAUSE______________.
I feel intensely driven about getting this RESPONSE TO PLAINTIFF's PETITION in because that little rat fink bastard has harmed me and my children (likely for reasons he believes are rather gallant) because I feel my efforts will either shut this entire legal morass down OR be one step short, and spurr another one, two or three rounds.
I feel I'm walking a mind field.
I fell I'm on the edge of making choices that make sense, in the moment, but down the road will weaken my position and strengthen the IL's position, who aren't supposed to be involved at this point, but who are obviously calling the shots, which I think everyone is past pretending. I think.
So.......
this morning I have my body back..... things sometimes go amok when we come and go under tremendous pressure... the body does odd things, IME.
This morning I have my war paint on. This morning I awake with the Amazon bonfire burning from the past two nights, and I pick up my weapons.....
Legal Briefs, e mails, Responses, Transcripts, letters, and notes on conversations, and dates, and exact wording matched carefully to statements in other documents, some referring only to numbers...... "Defendant denies statements made in numbers 8, 10, 14, and 23. There is combing through. There are sticky notes, and little torn off pieces of sticky notes, and there are the outrageous egregiously erroneous statements made by opposing counsel and his little minion to the ILs, and I've gotten past the body rocking white hot chemical dumps that knocked me back from that document more times than I can count the first day I tried to read through it in it's entirety.
I can do that now, and I'm taking it line by line, and I'm pulling the necessary documents (I've done days of research leading up to this point, it's not really hard, just tedious and..... ) ANOTHER FAB!
I feel tremendous sadness about clever sociopaths manipulating the justice system (esp in family court involving domestic violence and abuses of all types) because it crushes victims mercilessly with that intention, and it happens over and over and over again, usually leading to victims BEING CRUSHED with the help of the legal system. The legal system is a good system, on the whole, but it doesn't factor in the sociopaths and disordered as a matter of course, and it seldom holds them accountable when they're busted in the cold harsh light of the courtroom, if you can limp your way there time and again till all the lies, distortions, and......
There.
I said it. I went there. Looks pretty dramatic on review, but it's the truth, and there's no devil involved. It's just good old fashioned human on human stuff, and it takes too long to get to that final courtroom when dealing with those who lie, cheat and steal as a matter of course, while we tell the truth, stand up and take responsibility and spend the majority of our time disproving erroneous negatives, that take the focus off the criminal/evil/improbable things the sociopaths/disordered abusive people are doing, especially when they're doing it TO children and or/leveraging childrens' safety against the people/person who is invested in shielding children from the adult struggle, IME.
It's difficult to fight, AND protect children from being crushed by truths that are potentially soul crushing, IME.
Recently my youngest DD13 asked to see the ILs.... I think she wants to explain to them what their actions (and she knows a small fraction of what they've done to us only bc I couldn't shield them from the summer of psych evals) have DONE TO HER, and her sister. I think she wants to hear what they have to say for themselves and to hold them accountable, bc I still have a war room filled with boxes of documents, and we're still fighting in the courts, and she wants to face them, and honestly speak to them about HER TRUTH, which is important, and she should be able to speak, right?
I think she believes they'll see the error of their ways...... or give her a chance to unload on them, and set them straight, whatever the outcome.
Her words scared the hell of me FOR her.
What do sociopaths DO when faced by someone they once had control over, and now stands powerfully before them armed with the truth, more courage than a child should muster (lots of ignorance involved, I realize) and that truth goes to the truth of the biggest lies they've told themselves, and others in order to skirt blame, responsibility, and accountability for the evil things they've done, and continue doing? I realize "evil" sounds very dramatic, but bear with me.
WHAT do I picture? I picture very bad sudden things, and I want to say that there is language in these legal documents that began frightening me several years back about "unascertained or unborn beneficiaries" that require a GAL be put in place at great expense to my children.
Ummmm..... WTH?
When you're fighting dragons, and everyone around you doesn't SEE dragons.... they see frail, old, sad, bitter people THEY SAID would give up 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 year ago. They always say it will be over if I......insert whatever compromise that scrapes my issues off their plate you wish. Insert them, and move ahead to the next battles, for there have always been more, despite their demeaning, minimizing, shaming assertions based on stupidity, ignorance, minimization AND their humanity.
They can't fathom what these people have done, are doing WILL DO, for God's sake. They've explained it away, and used the words..... ."Who would have guessed they'd DO that?" A LOT. I have very good instincts about these things, but I also have past conduct, a memory and battle scars that TELL me what is likely going to happen.
They've used those words A LOT, "I had no idea, they CAN'T DO that".... and I TOLD them it would happen A LOT, so they knew, even as they were judging me, dismissing me, and punishing me for stating a very ugly set of facts that made no sense, and were difficult to understand.
OK, there is no real understanding of the things disordered people DO, so I'm going back to work now.
Good morning Amazons.
Lighter in full fur, leather strap regalia, war paint ON........
at 10:30, I ride.
Mud...... remind me how this always goes, please.
