Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
What gives you your sense of self worth
Twoapenny:
Still rambling! Went out with my son this afternoon to a club we used to go to before he got ill so we saw people we hadn't seen for ages and it was lovely but my anxiety levels were up through the roof. I really want to tackle this as I do think anxiety stops me doing a lot of things because it makes me feel so rotten. Have got appointment with new T next week so might make anxiety top of the list of things to deal with.
Hopalong:
I think for these things to bring any happiness, Tupp (and they're all great)...is to put intensity behind hushing that extremely critical inner voice you have.
I mean really do battle with it, including speaking with authority out loud, "STOP" the moment you detect a thought mumbling "you're no good, don't deserve, won't do it perfectly, people will criticize...blah blah blah...."
Every time you hear those nasty self-hating, self-sabotaging thoughts or they swim to your awareness, actually say out loud (and MEAN IT): "STOP!"
It's a method of re-training your unconscious self-sabotage. Bringing it right up and smacking it down.
It's terribly awkward at first. You might feel thoughts/emotions/sensations collide as you do it. But then it becomes easier, calmer, and part of a natural dialogue with yourself that is so much more productive and so much more compassionate. I still do it to this day when I start a self-undermining monologue. When I put intensity into it, it works.
Some people who use this method wear a fat rubber band (elastic) around their wrist and the moment they catch the unwanted behavior (in this case, an inner mean/underminding comment from your internalized self-hating critic) -- they snap the band! A momentary physical sting, while aloud you say STOP!, can be really helpful. (After some months when the new habit is well ingrained, you might ditch the elastic.)
Worth a try you think?
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on July 02, 2016, 04:12:46 PM ---I think for these things to bring any happiness, Tupp (and they're all great)...is to put intensity behind hushing that extremely critical inner voice you have.
I mean really do battle with it, including speaking with authority out loud, "STOP" the moment you detect a thought mumbling "you're no good, don't deserve, won't do it perfectly, people will criticize...blah blah blah...."
Every time you hear those nasty self-hating, self-sabotaging thoughts or they swim to your awareness, actually say out loud (and MEAN IT): "STOP!"
It's a method of re-training your unconscious self-sabotage. Bringing it right up and smacking it down.
It's terribly awkward at first. You might feel thoughts/emotions/sensations collide as you do it. But then it becomes easier, calmer, and part of a natural dialogue with yourself that is so much more productive and so much more compassionate. I still do it to this day when I start a self-undermining monologue. When I put intensity into it, it works.
Some people who use this method wear a fat rubber band (elastic) around their wrist and the moment they catch the unwanted behavior (in this case, an inner mean/underminding comment from your internalized self-hating critic) -- they snap the band! A momentary physical sting, while aloud you say STOP!, can be really helpful. (After some months when the new habit is well ingrained, you might ditch the elastic.)
Worth a try you think?
hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
Definitely worth trying, Hopsie, thank you, I like the elastic band idea. I'd heard of people using it to stop smoking but not for something like this so I will definitely give it a go. It's blooming hard work,isn't it, all this trying to sort yourself out stuff!! Thank you xx
sKePTiKal:
One of the harder things I can think of, Tupps, is changing the well-trodden paths of how we think-feel-do. All those habits and routines.
Practice is the only thing I know to make progress and - eventually - succeed in making a change like that. Practice is the word I use, because when you're a beginner even practice is fraught with some mistakes, forgetfulness, etc. That's automatically forgiven - because you're a beginner. NO RISK.
More practice, new things get easier. More practice, new things start to feel "normal" and part of "you". More practice and it's automatically what you do without thinking about it.
Reminders, like the stop & rubber band, help some too.
[yes... I'm explaining this all to myself again, too. I need the reminder of how this works.]
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on July 03, 2016, 09:35:54 AM ---One of the harder things I can think of, Tupps, is changing the well-trodden paths of how we think-feel-do. All those habits and routines.
Practice is the only thing I know to make progress and - eventually - succeed in making a change like that. Practice is the word I use, because when you're a beginner even practice is fraught with some mistakes, forgetfulness, etc. That's automatically forgiven - because you're a beginner. NO RISK.
More practice, new things get easier. More practice, new things start to feel "normal" and part of "you". More practice and it's automatically what you do without thinking about it.
Reminders, like the stop & rubber band, help some too.
[yes... I'm explaining this all to myself again, too. I need the reminder of how this works.]
--- End quote ---
Yes it's definitely practise, Skep, and trying new things out and finding that some of them don't work, I think, and that not being the end of the world? That's something I find hard to do but am/will keep trying, and trying to change the way I think. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm thinking something, it's there and only later on do I realise I was being very negative or pessimistic. Practise, practise, practise :) x
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