Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
What gives you your sense of self worth
sKePTiKal:
Start with one room at a time Tupps! Maybe you only need a few things in this room, a few bigger ones in that room. If the rooms open & flow into each other, use color to tie things together. Simple and comfy and functional for how I live, are the basic principles. I like my place to be somewhere people aren't afraid to sit on the furniture, where it's all self-explanatory and doesn't need an "artist's statement" to understand it's meaning & purpose. Where they want to hang out a little while.
My friend the "doc" was trying to get me to prioritize all the gigantic, future projects I have in mind that I'd like to try -- before I was even able to pull out a tablecloth and stop using the dining table as my "command center". LOL. "Guys"; and he's a spartan anyway... I really NEEDED to see the results of me and my "stuff" coming together in an overall "cozy" effect in a new space before I can even START thinking about all the other stuff. I need some weeks of just futzing around and trying things a couple different ways to just REST from the effort of packing, purging, deciding what goes/what doesn't and hauling it all up here.
Weeks of seeing how I need to organize myself, because of my location, to keep myself provisioned and connected to some people. And just putting my feet up, looking around and surveying all of my "realm" and getting to know it, too. Before I go jumping back into living life with both feet and this weird endless curiosity and enthusiasm for _________. I have to decide which things I'm interested in, that I want to do well - so I don't overwhelm myself with trying to do many different kinds of things. And of course, there's the list of things I need to fix up or make function to my standards.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on December 23, 2016, 09:18:19 AM ---Start with one room at a time Tupps! Maybe you only need a few things in this room, a few bigger ones in that room. If the rooms open & flow into each other, use color to tie things together. Simple and comfy and functional for how I live, are the basic principles. I like my place to be somewhere people aren't afraid to sit on the furniture, where it's all self-explanatory and doesn't need an "artist's statement" to understand it's meaning & purpose. Where they want to hang out a little while.
My friend the "doc" was trying to get me to prioritize all the gigantic, future projects I have in mind that I'd like to try -- before I was even able to pull out a tablecloth and stop using the dining table as my "command center". LOL. "Guys"; and he's a spartan anyway... I really NEEDED to see the results of me and my "stuff" coming together in an overall "cozy" effect in a new space before I can even START thinking about all the other stuff. I need some weeks of just futzing around and trying things a couple different ways to just REST from the effort of packing, purging, deciding what goes/what doesn't and hauling it all up here.
Weeks of seeing how I need to organize myself, because of my location, to keep myself provisioned and connected to some people. And just putting my feet up, looking around and surveying all of my "realm" and getting to know it, too. Before I go jumping back into living life with both feet and this weird endless curiosity and enthusiasm for _________. I have to decide which things I'm interested in, that I want to do well - so I don't overwhelm myself with trying to do many different kinds of things. And of course, there's the list of things I need to fix up or make function to my standards.
--- End quote ---
Yes it's easy to take on too much and overwhelm yourself, especially in a new place. It takes a year to settle in, I think, so you can see the light in all seasons, find out that wall gets a little damp in winter so you can't keep your books against it, realise that if that door opened the other way you could fit x against that wall. I am kind of the opposite when it comes to wanting people to be comfortable, I've realised I don't want people coming round! Lol, there are a few people I'm always happy to see but they're the sort of people that will be comfortable whether you live in a tent or a castle. But we've had people wanting to visit over Christmas and I had that funny thing of not having a logical reason not to want to see them but just feeling 'no'. And I've realised they're people who are either quite critical (and will do the whole 'oh you've no carpet, oh the kitchen's a bit small, oh I wouldn't like to have to look after that garden) or they're the ones that don't respect your place and walk mud through it, let their kids run riot, want to bring their dogs in and so on. And old Tup accommodates everyone else's wants and needs and makes life easy for them but new Tup wants to make life easy for herself! Which means not cleaning up someone else's mess or running around after their children or pets.
I think because this is the first time I've really had a home of my own I want it to be our castle, set up for me and my boy, cosy, comfy, organised and functional and I don't want to let any of my old behaviours or thought patterns come in here with us. New Tup is much healthier than old Tup and I want her to be in charge.
I'm excited about the idea of doing it up, keeping my eyes open for pieces, shopping around for the bits we need. It's making me focus on money a bit more, I'm thrifty anyway but now I'm thinking every penny saved is a step closer to the next thing I want to buy. It will be nice to have something that actually shows the amount of work I put in. I usually work on myself or my boy and that doesn't really show so it will make a nice change to have something at the end of it that's very obvious :)
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on December 22, 2016, 03:12:11 PM ---Tupp:
I love what you said about feeling you're morphing into yourself.
Yes.
The person you were meant to be, and can be.
You're free to stop looking over your shoulder now. The haunting of the old neighborhood can end with new shiny people..... without being in the old emotionally charged places that remind you of the past. Distance is a good thing.... ::nodding::
This is your new start.
New Tupp in the new year with new everything.
As for me I'm having an easier time being present in the moment. I'm not completely there yet, but it's coming along..... getting easier.
I've been working with some amazing people, and it feels really good.
The problem person I wrote about on my thread has stopped calling, thank goodness. It feels like it's over with only a few really tense days of anxiety.... I really hate that.
My oldest is doing well in school, all As, very driven again, and youngest is still very funny and doing well in school as well.
I'm laughing: )
((((Tupp and son)))
I hope you make some new holiday rituals that feel just right for you both.
They don't have to be around Christmas. They can be new traditions around cold weather foods,
and activities. Maybe a little outdoor fire pit with hot coco, roasted marshmallows, and new stew and cookie recipes?
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Ah I'm glad things are going well and the girls are doing so well. Everything's easier when the kids are happy :)
Yes, I'm enjoying the morph! I am finding it a bit two steps forward, three steps back at the minute but that's okay, there's no rush! I feel quite nervous and insecure at times but I think that is young Tup poking her head out a little now that she sees she's living away from that scary place where everyone was so mean to her and she had to cover everything up. Being kind with myself, patient, trying really hard to eat healthily and rest when I'm lacking energy instead of drinking coffee and eating biscuits. Walking every day, gardening, catching up on DVDs I haven't had a chance to watch. It's nice - a new way to be but a nice one :)
Hopalong:
Hi Tupp,
One of my biggest joys when I moved into my little house was the freedom to choose color.
Even though 90% of my furnishings are family pieces, the walls are All Mine.
So I chose paint colors with deep pleasure.
When you walk in, straight ahead there's a wall ("Dill Green") that's quite a dark color that sets off my most beautiful possession...grandmother's "parlor grand" piano made of Circassian Walnut (from the Circassian mountains in Russia). It's unusually gorgeous, a kind of golden wood with beautiful dark grain. Sounds nice too!
The kitchen is a weird color that looks similar to the natural-cork flooring. I think of it as "Crayon Flesh Tone" -- a sort of peachy but sandy but well, corkish-orangeish color. Sounds weird but it works, even in great contrast to the green you see first when the door opens. It's what terra cotta would be if you lightened it by half, I think.
The other LR walls plus the outer kitchen wall and the whole back addition are a really gorgeous warm light gray. All trim is white with a touch of warmth. It's all open-plan (LR thru kitchen to back big room) and very strangely, these different colors play well together. People often comment on how warm and inviting the house feels, and the colors.
My BR is a soft light blue so gentle it's nearly a neutral. My heart went AHHH when I found it. I have old curtains I'd once made for my D's room that are perfect--lots of color, a sort of Aztec-y pattern.
My larger BR--office and guest bed--is a very quiet, light and peaceful green.
I notice that I have a mish-mosh of woods in furniture and like it that way. One thing my exH2 gave me that I'm very grateful for was that one day in a previous house I was fussing about matching something and he nearly exploded (not in anger, just intensity...he was an artist): "FORGET matchy-matchy! Look at nature! ANY color goes with ANY color!" And he just exploded my timidity about claiming the joy of color that I love, for my own instinctive reasons.
So I have a colorful, cozy, warm-feeling home...for just the cost of a few cans of paint.
Big hugs and I know you can make your space reflect joy. Color is a wonderful way to do that. Explore, try and delight in YOUR taste, even if it's undiscovered! (Just in case you're renting and there are restrictions on painting, don't worry...hanging up fabric, quilts or paper can do the same thing!) Be bold and have fun.
Hops
Twoapenny:
Aw Hops, your place sounds lovely! It's so nice to get something that's yours and make it your own in your own way, isn't it?
Do you know the funny thing about colour - I'm colour blind! So I see some colours differently to other people and I really like that - makes it feel even more like my thing because only I can see it :)
I like to have the walls the same colour throughout and then put in changes with the fabrics. I've picked out a beautiful yellow for the whole flat - quite a deep, warm yellow that I think will make the most of all the lovely natural light we get. The flooring in the kitchen and bathroom are a dark bluey grey kind of colour and I've seen carpet that's similar to that so I'm going to go for that on the floors. I can see it all in my head and it's exciting :)
I love the sound of the curtains you made for your D! My son had T shirts and pyjama sets that he loved when he was younger, because they had his favourite cartoon characters on them. Once he outgrew them we cut the pictures out of the front and just used fabric glue to stick them onto his plain curtains. They looked great and they're such a nice reminder of when he was little :) I did something similar and covered an old foot stool with patchwork I made out of his old clothes. It's getting quite tatty now but I still love it.
I keep seeing little bits and pieces and thinking, oh, that would look lovely in such and such a place :) It's a nice feeling.
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