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Hypnosis and the 20%

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Ales2:
About that 20%. 

Ive said before that in the last couple of years, I have lost my direction in life and have been aimless. The 20% that has been a problem is the resilience and determination, sometimes the effects of Nism. I always prided myself on my ability to bounce back, to be down but never out and come back and regain my position. It hasn't happened this time, for many reasons, financial loss/independence, bad T, my own loss of direction, lack of emotional support/encouragement from family and an overall feeling of defeat and despair and focusing on the problem has been disempowering.

Im feeling much better, regaining my independence, sense of direction, ignoring the lack of support and feeling a state of resilience and determination by focusing on solutions instead of trying to resolve problems (Nism is a problem that can't be solved, it can only be managed or avoided).  Slowly making a comeback and hoping for accelerated success.

Ales2:
And just today, the strangest thing happened. 

My former bad-T published his new book. After five books with NY publishers he had to self publish through Balboa Press, a division of Hay House.  Thats kind of a blow to someone already published.

In the Introduction, he talks about a period of profound depression and despair, his kids not speaking to him, his ex-wife married his ex-best friend (after he introduced them at a book signing), his girlfriend kicked him out of her house and he lived in a limbo in a local hotel for months,  he was having serious financial problems, and then having emergency hip replacement surgery.  His world crashed and burned.  Yet he continued to treat patients. 

During that time,  I was a patient and trying to make sense of my own losses and disappointments and struggles. Truth is, he was in no position to be helping anyone and he certainly did not help me. I have said before that I left more confused and depressed than when I started and felt emotionally and financially exploited. I remember the hip surgery quite well, when he was out of the office for about 3 weeks (thats OK,not knocking that) but its a reference point that tells me I was a patient during a time he probably should not have been treating patients, but he needed the money rather badly.

I always questioned why he was not able to help me, and now I KNOW.  I felt a real sense of relief.
It wasn't entirely about me. Sad to say, I lost trust in therapists after this experience and now can see I had good reason to be skeptical about his intentions and abilities.

I emailed him today the following:
I was just given your new book. What a lightning rod that was. Reality is that you were no position to be treating patients when you had your own personal emotional and financial meltdown going on. You emotionally and financially exploited me during that time, and left me more confused and depressed than when I started. You then provided me with a false diagnosis as a defense and in retaliation to my complaints.   Nowhere in your book does it mention Integrity or Professional Responsibility. Get some.

Needless to say, I felt very liberated this morning.

Hopalong:
Hi Ales,
I'm glad you have found validation for your disappointing, and indeed damaging, experience with that wounded, inadequate therapist. I can imagine the relief.

I was once greatly damaged by a T who had lost perspective, too. He urged me to hurry up and marry my ex, to "get the anxiety behind you" when I had clearly told him that my inner voice was saying--this is too fast, I feel pressured into this marriage, etc. The reality was that he allowed his fundamentalist mindset to overrule my concern over my wellbeing. I think it literally deafened him to me. I was sexually active, and his religious beliefs caused him to close his ears and pressure me to override the authentic inner voice that was trying to warn me I might be doing something toxic if I submitted to my fiance's pressure.

This T was SO uncomfortable with a single female who was sexually active and unashamed about it that he shoved me into making a decision that was unequivocally BAD for me. I didn't then have the strength to defend my own inner wisdom though I'd tried. It was one of the biggest disasters of my life.

He'd had a sister he labeled "promiscuous" and told me AFTER the wedding night verbal abuse and heartbreaking "honeymoon" that I reminded him of her. (He was way off, just unnerved by my frankness). The kicker/exploitative piece, for me, was that after my entire course of life had been run off the rails, he offered a weak and tepid apology and then SENT ME A BILL. I was outraged enough to write to him, as you have done, to tell him in no uncertain terms that he had actively harmed me, and that I owed him not one cent. And that in fact he owed me a lot more and I never wanted to hear from him again. That worked.

In hindsight, after thinking for a long time about his inner confusion, and the reasons why he was that way, I came to feel that it was irrelevant to keep up the blame. I did blame him and do find him responsible. But...I had to let it go. Eventually, I did. If I saw him on the street now I'd respond with kindness. He wasn't a bad person or intentionally exploitative. He was just dealing with the disconnects in his own mind, and they were destructive to me.

I am really glad you've had this closure, Ales.

Hops

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