Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Exploring resistence
sKePTiKal:
Well, how do you define "instinct" Lighter? For the sake of discussion, that is.
For me, it's more a physical reaction sans thought & premeditation - like throwing up an arm to block something about to hit me, or when I change up my route driving for no reason at all at the last minute.
It's something distinctly different than intuition - which is a kind of sixth sense "knowing" I suppose - based on accumulated experience, knowledge, observation and sensory perception.
lighter:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on February 24, 2017, 07:32:44 AM ---Well, how do you define "instinct" Lighter? For the sake of discussion, that is.
For me, it's more a physical reaction sans thought & premeditation - like throwing up an arm to block something about to hit me, or when I change up my route driving for no reason at all at the last minute.
It's something distinctly different than intuition - which is a kind of sixth sense "knowing" I suppose - based on accumulated experience, knowledge, observation and sensory perception.
--- End quote ---
Hi Amber:
For me there's less distinction between instinct and intuition.... I agree one is survival/reptilian brain/born with instinct to breath and survive stuff, and one is based on what we've discovered of the world, and our place in it, BUT I can't tease out where one begins and the other ends.
IME the brain utilizes different parts at the same time all the time. I've thought about this a lot, and I can't quite say which internal voice is responsible for any particular whisper or scream.... just can't.
I know that I've KNOWN stuff all my life, and failed to honor it. This is on my top 5 list of biggest regrets. I'm trying hard to honor all the voices I perceive to be instinct and intuition.... I think they're holding hands anyway; )
Lighter
lighter:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on February 23, 2017, 02:03:25 AM ---The trusting on their behalf is difficult, I think, Lighter, I am struggling with that as he gets older. There comes a time when you can't keep them safe by keeping them at home and fighting for them - they have to fight their own battles, as we've had to. Even writing that fills me with horror - I wouldn't wish the battles I've been through on anybody, they've been so painful and so nearly ended me more than once. Yet they have made me stronger and have given me a deep gratitude for getting through them and still being here. And I do have to keep reminding myself that his childhood he hasn't been through the same things I did as a child, so he's not damaged in the way I was. I don't believe he'll be drawn to the same sorts of destruction that I was or the same kinds of negative, abusive people. Your girls have grown up with a warrior by their side who is now teaching them to be strong in themselves and become whoever it is they need to be. But stepping away and trusting you've done enough for them to manage is hard. I get that.
As for instincts - mine are good, often hard to explain, sometimes quite subtle - just a general feeling of unease that isn't really logical - and I've ignored them at my peril so many times. I do try now just to keep myself away from people or situations that make me feel uneasy, even when it seems ridiculous to do so. I am learning more about myself as I get older and trusting in myself more.
--- End quote ---
Hi Tupp:
Our kiddos will be influenced negatively and positively by our parenting. It's life. The yin and the yang natural order of all things.
This weekend my dd14 let me know that my sheltering her for years was uncool in her opinion. In fact, she feels fairly gypped that she missed out on what she thinks of as "cool" stuff other kids got to do that I kept her from doing. She couldn't really say WHAT I kept her from..... it's a visceral KNOWING for her. She FEELS it happened, and she can't really NAME it for herself yet. I let her have that emotion, mirror back what I hear her say, and apologize for my part in that. I KNOW I didn't parent perfectly, and own up to it. I hope it's enough to help her move through this.
About trusting ourselves..... looking back and seeing where we failed to trust, and paid a steep price..... I'm SO READY to trust, and not struggle with trusting myself. There's shifting, and I'm working on it hard. I have a new Somatic T I see next week...... I'll watch the EFT Summit beginning today and running for 10 days. I have a brain spotting course I'm excited about...... the energy work is very helpful......
Here's the link to the FREE EFT Summit. Every Session runs for 24 hours so all time zones can make it. I hope you can copy and paste: )
http://www.thetappingsolution.com/2017tws/reg/afpd/new-access.php?utm_campaign=2017-TWS-Prelaunch&utm_medium=email&utm_source=affiliates&utm_content=7-Event-Registration&utm_term=affiliates
Lighter
lighter:
During the last parent. student, therapist phone call between me, my 16dd at Therapeutic Boarding School, and her lovely T my DD said she often punished me/retaliated against me for bringing negative energy to our situations.
And she did.... no doubt about it..... she very much did. :shock:
I knew she was punishing me, spending years of our lives in an emotionally combative posture..... so many years wasted. Holding me hostage... sort of.... and her sister, but I think the negative energy I brought was holding her hostage too. I don't deny that, I just don't know how it could have been avoided. I don't believe it could have on reflection.
Everyone laying their cards on the table honestly right now.... getting ready for DD16 to come home for the summer or for the next 2 years of HS..... we have ground to cover.
::nodding::
We have work to do.
As I write this I'm perched happily on one of the sofa benches on our back porch. Socked feet tucked underneath me.....
The Fairy lights are lit.... the candles are almost glowing, waiting for dark. DD14 is is still 14yo.... and she's napping happily on the uber long bench across from mine. It weighs a ton, and was donated to the Habitat For Humanity folks by one of the local high mucky much hotels. I do love these benches. The Pug is curled up at DD's feet..... DD14 was so sure the Pug wouldn't let her nap, but the Pug is sleepy too.
Today was the first day I walked the Pug like the Dog Whisperer would walk her. It was like magic.... so easy. I almost let myself feel stupid, but then remembered I could revel in walking the pug a step behind me..... like magic...... just by asking her to, and BEING the lead dog.
You know what? My DD16 wanted me to be the lead dog 10 years ago. I saw her attempt to take power over all her classrooms from Pre K up, and I warned all her teachers..... then I didn't see it for myself in my own home, bc I was so overwhelmed. Maybe all I had to do to help her be OK was tell her I had things under control...... she didn't need to worry, but ................all wasn't well. I had trouble from inside my circle, and out. I was living under siege, and it showed. I wasn't the mother she'd had, and every time I see her light up I notice I'm laughing. There were too few times I was the mother she deserved, and counted on over the last 10 years. It wasn't fair, and she's raw about it. Of course she is.
I was strong.... was being strong, looking strong, and I suppose it got us through safely, but..... in her little heart she needed to hear it... hear me TELL her all would be well. I had this. We would be safe... promise. I think.
First major dropped ball between us likely...that right there.
Soon I'll attend the last family program at her T Boarding School.... her T is the Parent program director... the MAN. So good at what he does, and we've been blessed, whatever that means to you, or to me. Blessed/lucky she was his last.... what is she? She's the last girl he took on as a patient/student.... he only ever had 4 bc of his parent program work load, and for the first time the dog doesn't bark her head off at a squirrel.
Hmm..... there's something to this lead dog stuff.
Lighter
lighter:
So, this week has been about exploring how I handle old triggers and traumas in the midst of finding and exploring relief in a fairly sheltered environment.
Sheltered in that I'm not exposed to ALL anxiety inducing things in my life at once, mind you. There are many things I'm moving through, making peace with, and shaking off completely...... more comfort in crowds, speaking my truth and experiencing more confidence.... feeling entitled to stick to my views, despite other people's disagreement.
So..... today I'm researching sea walls, costs of materials (vinyl) labor, and transportation..... honestly everything about this topic is anxiety inducing for me. "Activating"
Just every aspect, and then there's getting anything done on an island. So. Difficult.
I know an EMDR marathon is in my immediate future.
I'm cooking a big pot of bone broth for Vietnamese Pho to share with friends this evening. I love the fresh herbs, and aromas of Star Anise, Fennel, Coriander, Cinnamon, Cloves and Ginger wafting through the house.....Basil, Cilantro..... just lovely. DD14 loves this meal..... we can love it together.
::nodding::
The back porch is neat and inviting..... must change out Christmas lights for the hanging candle holders, but it feels very shabby chic cozy the way it is. I'll leave it, and that's OK too.
Pug has calmed down, and walks with me in the forest every day...... she's better at running than walking for some reason. I can't even tell she's tied to my waist when we run. What a revelation to take charge, and insist she not walk ahead, pull or lead. She gets it, and knows what I want. I just had to ask. Silly humans.
I feel like I'm a sponge, soaking up information that leads to more information.... it seems so very important. I wonder why we don't learn these things in grade school.
I have to go back and read, watch, listen to the same things again and again bc I can't internalize it all. It comes in spits and spats, but gets easier with familiarity. I've not hit my stride, or found a way to have it all in one place... I wish I'd been keeping a very precise journal through the years, I really do.
So, that's my day, and current mission..... learning how to approach my life without framing it in old ways that no longer serve.
Learning how true North ebbs and flows,
how not to fear....
how to remain curious and attentive, and let that be enough.
Anyone have any experience building sea walls?
Lighter
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