Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Christmas

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Twoapenny:
Wowzers.  I am finding it harder and harder to even pretend that I can tolerate this time of year.  I am very grateful for the life we have and I'm very aware that there are millions of people who live hard, unjust, unfair lives and suffer greatly.  But I still feel that this entire festival is forced upon me, no matter how much I try and resist and avoid it.

My son had a big seizure this morning.  This isn't unusual for him but the fact that it's happened on Christmas Day seemed to make it worse, for some reason.  He's perked up now, I'm completely worn out.  It hasn't even been a normal day, it's been a worse than normal day.  I can't wait for it to be over.

On a less grumpy note, I did want to say thank you, not only to Dr G for the board and the quiet, subtle way that it is run, but also to everyone who posts on here.  I can't put into words how much it helps me to know I have this safe, non-judgemental, easy space in which to spill things that I don't (and probably never would) tell anyone else.  Reading other people's stories helps me as well, sometimes because it stirs something in me and makes me realise something about myself, or inspires me to do something, and sometimes because it just makes me realise that I'm not alone with this.

Anyway, I hope everyone has enjoyed/ignored/tolerated the day in whichever way they needed to.  Thank you all for being there and your support all year round.

Love Tup xx

JustKathy:

--- Quote ---I can't put into words how much it helps me to know I have this safe, non-judgemental, easy space in which to spill things that I don't (and probably never would) tell anyone else.

--- End quote ---

Exactly! Wow, just looking at my profile and I've been here since 2004. Every year, I've come here on Christmas Day. This place, and the support from everyone here, has saved me in ways I can never express in words.

Yes, for children of Ns, this is hell day. The day we hate more than any other, stress about for weeks, even months, in advance. No matter what, the day always brings some form of pain. First it was torment from my NM, then, after she died, from Co-Father. This year he apparently gave up on his stalking as I didn't receive as much as a card, and even that left me feeling uneasy. I should be relieved, but now sit here wondering why it stopped. Am I not worthy of stalking anymore? How crazy to even think that?

Like you, I have nothing but gratitude for the existence of this board. Many thanks to Dr. G for creating what has become our safe place.

Tup, I'm so sorry to hear about your son's seizure, but so happy to hear that he's feeling happy and well now. I wish you were too. For what it's worth, I'm here, and I'm thinking of you. Like you, I'm just tolerating the day, but it's only one day. We'll get through it together.

Love,
Kathy

BonesMS:

--- Quote from: Twoapenny on December 25, 2016, 12:07:00 PM ---Wowzers.  I am finding it harder and harder to even pretend that I can tolerate this time of year.  I am very grateful for the life we have and I'm very aware that there are millions of people who live hard, unjust, unfair lives and suffer greatly.  But I still feel that this entire festival is forced upon me, no matter how much I try and resist and avoid it.

My son had a big seizure this morning.  This isn't unusual for him but the fact that it's happened on Christmas Day seemed to make it worse, for some reason.  He's perked up now, I'm completely worn out.  It hasn't even been a normal day, it's been a worse than normal day.  I can't wait for it to be over.

On a less grumpy note, I did want to say thank you, not only to Dr G for the board and the quiet, subtle way that it is run, but also to everyone who posts on here.  I can't put into words how much it helps me to know I have this safe, non-judgemental, easy space in which to spill things that I don't (and probably never would) tell anyone else.  Reading other people's stories helps me as well, sometimes because it stirs something in me and makes me realise something about myself, or inspires me to do something, and sometimes because it just makes me realise that I'm not alone with this.

Anyway, I hope everyone has enjoyed/ignored/tolerated the day in whichever way they needed to.  Thank you all for being there and your support all year round.

Love Tup xx

--- End quote ---

Wow!!!

That is rough!!!  I hope your son feels a lot better soon!

sKePTiKal:
Well, I'd say you rocked your "Christmas Surprise", Tupps. And it sounds like you've kept your balance through it too.

Twoapenny = 1; Christmas angst = 0.

Now, get yourself a cuppa something soothing and refreshing, put your feet up, and just breathe in the reality that you got through another one and might even be getting the hang of this - even if it your way of doing so, IS non-conformist.

(pssst - us non-conformists are the INTERESTING people.)

Hopalong:
Well ho ho HELL, Tupp.
I'm really sorry about your boy's seizure.
I can't imagine the toll it takes on you both.
It must be exhausting to witness and deal with safely,
and must be exhausting for him to have his body
challenged in that way so frequently. Even the
muscles, much less his weary brain.

That you have the mental wherewithal to even type
a post is the Christmas miracle. You really are something.
I hope NYear's brings a happier mood and calmer time.

Kathy, I can relate to the loneliness, and the hard insight
that there are so often more than one N in our lives.
What a sinking feeling when that sinks in.

I do hope you can strengthen yourself and find some
solution that will allow you to take joy in your own being again.
The security of a cage is still a cage, and it's a hard formula
to work through until the way is clear.

Me, I had a sorrowful Xmas morning, new par for the course
over the last few years. Even though I had somewhere to go
later in the day, it still hit. Hard not to think about my gone girl.

I wound up listening to some African American Christmas songs
I hadn't heard before...and it hit me how sorrowful the tone of
many were. I could hear in both the singing and the verses how
much pain and courage there was in singing about peace, hope
and good will...even while wishing it could be that way year round.

When a soulful black singer sings with sadness about Christmas,
you know the contrast of the temporary kindness is cutting close.
Two songs that addressed it literally were a song about a jailed man
yearning for his family whom he could not see because he is a
prisoner (and how much he mourns his past violence). Another
started with the upbeat sound of cheesy secular Christmas songs,
but the refrain was: Santa, go straight to the ghetto...don't leave
anything for me. That really went to my heart.

Under the jollity, pain was audible. It's a whole canon.

I had a very nice time at my friend's family's dinner...and got to
hold and savor the new baby in the family. A little girl whose Mom
is my friend's daughter, and whose Dad is Iranian. Little Ayla is 2 mo., gorgeous
and that comfy-sturdy-wobbly little body was a joy to hold. I asked
them "how much will you charge me to babysit for you?" They laughed
and are going to take me up on it sometime.

Now I'm going across the street to my Jewish neighbors'--they just
got back from a trip from Barcelona to Barbardos. She is a lovely
warm person who heads up the local faith-coalition social justice
organization, which has been accomplishing very good things here.

I'm taking homemade gingersnaps, which I baked at noon. I was
surprised how good they were--the folks at dinner really liked them.

Good to check in here. Happy Solstice, everyone.

love,
Hops

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