OR, in this move I got the things out of the house that I really cared about, mainly my cat and my computer and my music. The rest is decorations, which I don't care much for, and furniture which can be replaced. I am certainly NOT missing my W at this point and even EMail comments from her frustrate me.
I talked with my D last night and she is NOT overly distraught right now. Her cell phone battery went dead, as I thought. She knows that her boyfriend will be out of town much of the summer and she will not have someone very close to vent to. She would like to see this therapist because she is already familiar with the family situation between her mother and I. She would rather not have to explain this all over again to someone new and could "just start venting," her words. I am really uncomfortable with my D seeing this T, but how do I say no to her? My D will stop by tonight so I can give her some money to get her mother something for Mother's Day. I will talk to her tonight and reiterate that she can talk to me about anything, even anger, even when it seems scary. However, she is a teenager, and it is not realistic to expect her to open up that much to her parents during the time in life where she is learning how to separate from them. I'm not sure how much to tell my daughter, but am considering saying that I feel uncomfortable with her going to this T who is only getting one side of the story right now, my W's. I don't want to be a jerk about this. I won't refuse if she is set on it, but this is important enough for me to fight for.
In the last couple of EMails (1-2 a day right now) my wife has brought up many good issues which are getting agreed between us. She has also thrown the following in to keep life interesting. She wants to split the costs of major car work between us.
Here is my reply "I disagree. You already have your portion of savings and your credit card. You will need to use those for your car repairs the same way I will need to use my share on my car. It does not make sense to me to pay on something that I have no control or planning ability over." I have spent several thousand dollars getting this house and furishing it out. Even if I had the will , she has more disposable cash from savings than I do right now. Sheesh, I will never get used to this "cluelessness."
Tha other thing she was going to do was find a local place to do currency conversion for a trip my daughter is going on this summer. I was lined up to take the money over and actually do it. Here is her EMail "Hi longtire, I was able to find out the info. on the Euro dollars for D. I have purchased 100.00 american dollars (75 euros) at Bank of America. It is coming out of my own money, which I am gladly doing with no expectations of being paid back. You may go ahead and take care of D's <remaining money> with the ATM card. Just wanted to let you know this is all taken care of. W" My D spent several hundred dollars from this fund on yet another trip earlier this year. I pointed out to her that this would leave her with less than recommened for her Summer trip. She chose to do it anyway. OK, natural consequences. However, W is taking every opportunity to "save" my D from the consequences of her decisions and "look good" in the process. This is not unexpected from her, but it is still annoying after numerous talks between W and I as well as W, D and I about choices and consequences. Even the T in question above praised us for setting limits with D and allowing natural consequences.
After re-reading this post, I realize that it sounds negative. I did need to vent about these things with my W. However, things are going very well for me in the new house. My cat has settled in and doesn't seem to be having any major adjustment problems. I look forward to going home each night and to feeling like I get to decide about how things are there, from the largest down to the smallest. I realized that I have never actually lived alone before. I went from my parent's home, to college with roommates, to marriage with a W and then D. This is truly a new experience for me and I am enjoying it so far.
